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Open Diary - http://www.opendiary.com/entrylist.asp?authorcode=A331484 Krud's Inner Ramblings™ Happy Groundhog Eve (Now Day)* http://www.opendiary.com/entryview.asp?authorcode=A331484&entry=21366 http://www.opendiary.com/entryview.asp?authorcode=A331484&entry=21366 So after YEARS and YEARS of inexplicably putting off (even longer than the Tolkien thing), I've finally managed to take an evening to throw together a working recording of my previously perpetually postponed "Groundhog Day Carol." This is not perfect, by any means, and the tempo could use a boost, perhaps, but the important thing is that it now exists and I can stop mentally beating myself up for each subsequent year that I had been neglecting to do something with this increasingly ancient Groundhog Day Carol. (Though now that I've recorded it, and realize how short it is, I'm not sure what was keeping me.) [Note: You might have to hit refresh on your browser. Not sure why. Only happens on OD, it seems.] <object width="420" height="315"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/5QxXW92n1HA?version=3&hl=en_US&rel=0"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/5QxXW92n1HA?version=3&hl=en_US&rel=0" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="420" height="315" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true"></embed></object> (The lyrics are somewhere in the bowels of my OD account. Check around the February 2nds.) --- *Okay, fine, I've decided to go ahead and re-post the words, no sense making you gallavant... --- Each February 2nd, we all gather 'round To watch a little rodent crawl out of the ground If he sees his shadow, winter'll still be here But if he doesn't, then spring is very near (Everybody Sing!) We don't care much for chipmunks And squirrels are passe' Don't like them stinky ol' skunks Won't go for gophers, no way Could care less about prairie dogs Though woodchucks are okay We really love that groundhog Hooray for Groundhog Day! (copyright (c)MCMXCIII?) ---<a href="http://s36.sitemeter.com/stats.asp?site=s36odkrud" target="_top"><img src="http://s36.sitemeter.com/meter.asp?site=s36odkrud" alt="Site Meter" border="0"/></a><CENTER><A HREF="http://www.savetheinternet.com/"><img src="http://i106.photobucket.com/albums/m268/krudmonger/netpudge.jpg" WIDTH="90" HEIGHT="60" ALT="Save the Net" BORDER="0" /></A></CENTER> Wed, 1 Feb 2012 00:00:00 GMT Ruffled Feathers [another writing-related entry] http://www.opendiary.com/entryview.asp?authorcode=A331484&entry=21364 http://www.opendiary.com/entryview.asp?authorcode=A331484&entry=21364 I made a somewhat sobering realization today, and it is this: My pet project, the Chikken Stryders series of novellas, is based on a premise that, ultimately, has little or no bearing on the actual outcome of the story. Yes, various aspects of the story incorporate the fact that there is giant poultry. But at no point does it actually hinge upon that detail. One could almost as easily replace the Chikken with horses and have the same story. Okay, this isn't strictly true, outline-wise. I have planned some events in the plot progression that are based on the notion of flightless (or nearly-flightless) birds, that would not work if it were horses, or regularly flying creatures. But it's such a one-shot moment, that it's making me wonder whether it's worth it. That is to say, is that particular aspect of the story all that vital? Because yes, if I were to replace the poultry with other mounted animals, then certain themes and whatnot would have to change. But the actual character interactions, the underlying machinations, the relationships, none of these would change, and these are the things I've been focusing so far in the writing. Maybe I'm being too hard on myself. Maybe I'm wrongly thinking that a particular oddity in a story has to have a much more prevalent role in the plot. On the other hand, maybe it's better for purposes of suspension of disbelief that so much of it doesn't hinge on those details. After all, the original Star Wars had elements that people didn't necessarily understand, but it was okay because there were interpersonal relationship that were readily understandable. So when the prequels came along, and suddenly people were focusing on the elements of the Force, and the Jedi themselves, a lot of the details started to show their weaknesses. (Like the fact that Jedi seem to arbitrarily pick and choose when they can do certain cool things, like super-fast running or force throws. That and the notion that Jedi were inducted as toddlers, but I digress.) I realize this is two entries in a row that has dealt with both writing and Star Wars, and while I'd like to say this was a total coincidence, I'm sure it wasn't. I've been thinking about the fact that they're bringing The Phantom Menace back into theaters, and how it will be 3D, but still just as sucky as before in spite of this. And that movie was difficult enough when you didn't already know that Anakin was going to become a whiny, sand-hating Jedi toddler-killer*, so... yeah. I used to have tremendous respect for George Lucas, back when I didn't know better. (* - Spoiler Alert, or as I prefer to think of it, Saving You The Trouble alert.) If you've never seen it, and if you aren't averse to some R-language (and some disturbing imagery), there is a series of insightful commentaries about the Star Wars prequels by Red Letter Media. They're on YouTube, and they are as hilarious as they are incredibly insightful. (Actually, they're way more insightful than they are hilarious. I'd like to see a version of them that eliminates the gratuitous references to the reviewer being a creepy stalker psychopath [which are all a joke, but still, it detracts from the overall work, I think]): <object width="420" height="315"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/FxKtZmQgxrI?version=3&amp;hl=en_US&amp;rel=0"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/FxKtZmQgxrI?version=3&amp;hl=en_US&amp;rel=0" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="420" height="315" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true"></embed></object> [Warning: Not suitable for young or sensitive audiences, and not just because of the Star Wars footage. I'm not joking.] ---<a href="http://s36.sitemeter.com/stats.asp?site=s36odkrud" target="_top"><img src="http://s36.sitemeter.com/meter.asp?site=s36odkrud" alt="Site Meter" border="0"/></a><CENTER><A HREF="http://www.savetheinternet.com/"><img src="http://i106.photobucket.com/albums/m268/krudmonger/netpudge.jpg" WIDTH="90" HEIGHT="60" ALT="Save the Net" BORDER="0" /></A></CENTER> Thu, 12 Jan 2012 00:00:00 GMT Ask About Our Samaritan Lending Program http://www.opendiary.com/entryview.asp?authorcode=A331484&entry=21361 http://www.opendiary.com/entryview.asp?authorcode=A331484&entry=21361 The sign on the window at AutoZone read, "Ask About Our Free Tool Lending Program." It was December 23rd; in the next couple of days, and weeks, we would be doing a lot of driving, quite a bit of it at night. Due to a weird electrical malfunction a week earlier, a headlight had blown out. Amazingly, this was the first headlight we had ever lost on this car, which we've had for over five years now. So I wasn't sure what all was involved in changing said headlight, but I had taken a look and knew that I didn't have the right tool to remove the odd screws in question. So Krudita and I went into AutoZone, looked up our car's make and model, found the right bulb, briefly balked over the cost of said tiny bulb, made our purchase, and then I asked about their tool lending. "Do you have a tool for hexagonal screws?" I think is what I asked. The guy behind the counter, a tall, somewhat gruff-looking guy in his late thirties, maybe early forties, looked at us, said, "Just a minute," and went behind the shelves for a second. (I was hoping not to get the kind of runaround I'd gotten the week before when I was having the electrical issues. This was a completely different person, however.) A minute later he came out and said, "Which car's yours?" And I said, "The tan Ford Focus," indicating the car on the other end of the parking lot. (Technically it's champagne, but I can't say that with a straight face.) It was dark, cold, and windy, but it was slightly less windy and dark nearer the building, so I asked, "Should I pull it over here?" And the guy said, "Yeah." So, I moved the car to the parking spot closest to the front of AutoZone, popped the hood, and got out. The guy looked at the screws in question, said, "Okay, just a sec," and went back in the store. I stood there, trying to amuse myself by seeing how big a breath cloud I could form. He came back out with a box of tools, and it was pretty obvious from how he handled them that he wasn't technically "lending" them to me, so much as "using" them. Which, okay, I wasn't going to argue the point, after all, they were their tools, not mine. He had the first two screws in question off so quickly that it's hardly worth writing about them. But that was just the first step. As he quickly learned (or perhaps already knew, but I was just learning), there were several more steps in the headlight replacement process, and until he let me hold his flashlight steady, I felt very much like a second wheel. We didn't chit-chat or anything. I just watched intently, trying to memorize the steps as the guy slowly, methodically, awkwardly tried to dislodge the burned-out bulb from the car's housing. It was such an overly complicated (or at least physically difficult) process that I'm reluctant to even attempt to outline it here. Sufficed to say, I highly doubt I ever would have figured out by myself in broad daylight, much less in the cold and dark. I also realized that I had on a winter coat and gloves, whereas he had on what he was wearing in the store, which is to say a flannel work shirt and bare hands. Both of which were huge and had difficulty getting past the labrynthine metal pokey things (as they're technically called) blocking easy access to the car's inner workings. Honestly, I saw no purpose to some of the car's structure other than to provide a challenge. Around about this time I felt a bit guilty, because this guy was working at this for at least ten minutes. Ten minutes may not sound like a lot, but when the wind is blowing and you're touching metal, each second is its own distinct moment in time. I tried to assuage my own guilt by reasoning that at least I was freezing to death along with him, diligently holding the flashlight aloft (which I think mainly served to cast shadows, but oh well), but then again, it was my car, so if anyone should have been enduring it, it was me. I tend to be reluctant to let anyone do anything for me. I am a Pleaser by nature. I would rather give someone the shirt off my back than to borrow one from them. I very much believe 'tis better to give than to receive. So whenever I'm on the receiving end, it kills me. I'm grateful, don't get me wrong. Incredibly grateful. But I always feel that I owe the person SOMEthing in return. (I won't even use a store or restaurant's bathroom without buying a pop or something.) Eventually he got the old bulb out, and I felt a bit of victory, even though I had nothing to do with it. He put the new one in, and instructed me to get in the car and turn on my lights. When I did, I whispered to Krudita, "Should I tip him?" She said, "Um, I don't think so." I said, "I feel like I should tip him." She said, "I know. But just let him do it." "Okay," I said, at which point I realized the guy said I could turn the light back off now. Which I did, got back out, and watched as he replaced the weird bits and pieces on the back of the inside of the light. I lamely interjected, "Yeah, there's no way I'd have figured that out myself," and apparently this was the right thing to say, because he chuckled, and said, "They keep changing the configuration on lights, for safety and efficiency regulations, but I don't know how they expect..." (He said more than that, and probably not what I just said, actually, but I was just relieved he was talking. It had been tensely quiet up to that point.) When everything was back in place, he reconnected the original two screws (that I had originally thought was ALL I would need to deal with), and said, "Okay, you're all set." And I said, "Thank you so much for all your help, this will make our travelling so much easier." And he said, "You're welcome, Merry Christmas," and went back inside with the toolkit. I still wanted to tip him, and came very close to doing so, but we were fairly broke as it was, particularly after buying the bulb, so I just got back in the car and said to Elise, "There's no way they pay him enough." "Yeah," she agreed, and we went back home. I'm kinda hoping he's like me, and that a good deed is its own reward. Anyway, people like that* are what keeps me somewhat optimistic about people in general. --- (* - And I include a lot of you in that group, too. Many of you reading this may have done something for me at some point, and whether you realized it or not, have endeared me to you as a result, causing me to see you as a kindred spirit who likes to help others. And I admit that I may have dropped the ball in terms of showing my gratitude, but please believe me when I say that I was grateful. Even just receiving a kind note sometimes makes all the difference. [Or at least a significant portion of the difference.] Which is not to say that you have to "do" something for me to earn my friendship or whatever. Eh, hopefully you get my point.) ---<a href="http://s36.sitemeter.com/stats.asp?site=s36odkrud" target="_top"><img src="http://s36.sitemeter.com/meter.asp?site=s36odkrud" alt="Site Meter" border="0"/></a><CENTER><A HREF="http://www.savetheinternet.com/"><img src="http://i106.photobucket.com/albums/m268/krudmonger/netpudge.jpg" WIDTH="90" HEIGHT="60" ALT="Save the Net" BORDER="0" /></A></CENTER> Mon, 9 Jan 2012 00:00:00 GMT Twittest - The Expandium http://www.opendiary.com/entryview.asp?authorcode=A331484&entry=21360 http://www.opendiary.com/entryview.asp?authorcode=A331484&entry=21360 (Hey, cut me some slack, I'm outta practice with titles.) [Note: this was an entry idea I had back in... November, I think? Anyway, I had since abandoned it upon viewing something shiny, and the rest of this has sat in a state of quantum humor [he said, clearly not understanding the meaning of "quantum"] ever since. So here it is, in its mercifully shortened form.] --- Okay. So, one of my excuses over the past... oh, couple of years, is that rather than spewing forth my random musings onto OD, I've been taking the lazy person's shortcut and just dropping bits here and there at random on Twitter. Not really fleshing them out, not giving them more thought than is required to fill up to 140 characters, or one third of a non-OD-plus comment. And to be honest, I've been wanting to "get back into" OD for some time now, but have kept coming up against various psychological hurdles (including the one mentioned above). Also, today I tried to defend myself to someone about my communication skills by more or less saying, "You'd think if you've been reading me for however many years that you would be used to my speech patterns," to which the other person astutely observed, "Well, it's not as though you've been writing much of anything lately." And dangit, they're right, I haven't been. And really, who's to say that my entries would make any more sense than anything else I might say? Maybe I've let my writing skills atrophy. After all, neither Twitter nor Facebook constitutes heavy lifting, creativity-wise. And it's been well over a year since I worked for the computer gaming website gig. So, with all of this in mind, I've decided to dip my figurative toe in the metaphorical water, by expounding upon some of my recent tweets. This will not be like previous entries in which I've inundated you with second hand brain flotsam. Okay, it will be a little bit like those, since you will be exposed to some of that same material, but I will be including Added Value Content, as a special OD Exclusive(tm). ["Oooh, ahhh..."] To be clear, this is just me trying something out. As much as I'd love to say, "Yes, this means I'm back!" I can make no such claims. And no, the potential accountability factor wouldn't goad me into sticking with that, either. If anything, failing to do so would send me into some arbitrary self-serve shame spiral in which I steadfastly avoid anything that might remind me of said failure (in this case, OD). And I don't want that. So. Yeah, this is what it is, and it may be the sign of things to come, but it might not. We'll see. (So please, no holding your breath. Unless you've set aside some sort of designated breath holding device for that purpose, like a balloon.) Ready? Here we go. --- Upon comparing the two side by side, either I can't tell the difference between burritos and chimichangas, or this food manufacturer can't. The answer, as I later found via some semi-extensive Googling, is that there IS no major difference, other than the fact that chimichangas are fried, whereas burritos allegedly are not. But once they've been processed, frozen, and microwaved, it's really hard to tell how they started their culinary existence. Hence my confusion. (And the ingredients and nutritional value were so similar, that I saw no significant benefit to picking one over the other, unless one is on sale.) --- It seems junk food's the only food I organize/dismantle, whether dividing Oreos or color-sorting M&M's. I never do it to veggies or burgers. Seriously, if I have three green M&M's, two red ones, and a blue one, I will first (after having segregated the colors) diminish the red and green population before I will even consider consuming the solitary blue one. Also, despite my color-blindness, I can more or less tell the red M&M's from the green ones, when side by side. It's the brown ones that throw me. [Meaning brown vs. green and brown vs. red.] And while I claimed that I don't do it to veggies, I have been known to sort grapes, or eat strawberries in reverse size order. I think I may have a problem of a culinary nature. --- Note to parents considering taking toddlers to "The Lion King 3D": I doubt the dark, flame-riddled scenes will be any less disturbing in 3D. (Still, I kinda wish I'd seen it. Even if just for complaining rights.) --- Is it me, or does Auto Correct assume that everyone is an oversexed, vulgar, amoral junkie? Granted, they may need Auto Correct more, but... Okay, after an hour reading the WrongNumberTexts.com site, I now finally understand where Autocorrect gets all of its vocabulary from. o_O Seriously, this latter bit of info was rather disturbing. Because for those of you who are not familiar, the site http://damnyouautocorrect.com collects hilarious "autocorrections" that appear in people's text messages on their smart phones. But the thing is, many of them are risque', often involving rather vulgar terminology. And I often found myself wondering, "Why on earth is that even a 'default' correction on that brand of phone?" But then I saw the content of texts commonly featured on the related site, http://WrongNumberTexts.com, and now I not only realize where the phones get it from, it makes me want to never buy a used smart phone. I had no idea just how many depraved people were using phones, and the number of misdirected texts from parents and aunts and children and cousins and siblings and whatnot, is just... unsettling, to say the least. I mean, okay, who am I to judge what you choose to say/type on your phone, but seriously, if you're going to do that? Pay attention to the recipient, for cryin' out loud. Sheesh... it's not worth traumatizing someone over. [Soapbox: Off] --- The nerdy idealist in me imagines a future full of bootleg Star Wars copies where Han shoots first, Vader is silent, and Ewoks don't blink. Almost 30 years of watching Return of the Jedi, and not once did I ever care enough to think, "Hey, those Ewoks aren't blinking!" For two reasons: One, I knew on some level that they were little people in masks. And two? It's an alien moon species in a galaxy far, far away! Who am I to say how often (if at all) they should blink! I mean, they're teddy bears with opposable thumbs and a desire for headgear without concern for other body part converings, so... whatever. And don't even get me started on the new Vader vocalizations. No. Noooo! (Actually, I'm thinking of making a video of additional "additional dialogue" along those lines. Unless you have links to someone who's already done that, in which case I would settle for watching that instead.) --- Apparently people think we keep a file of "People We Offered a Job Who Didn't Show Up The First Day," and that this would be in their favor. People will openly say, "Yeah, I applied here a while back, and you offered me the job, but I wasn't interested." I'm half tempted to tell them, "Um, you realize this job hasn't improved any since you were last here, right?" --- I know I'm neither the first nor last person to say this, but Qwikster does not sound like the name of a company I'd want having my address. Alas, poor Qwikster. We barely had time to mock your stupid, stupid name. --- Hmmm. Chrome just told me that "about: blank" is not available, and might be temporarily down. o_o Apparently the space was throwing it. (Though I'm almost certain that it worked fine before.) --- In 32 hrs. I've given out 90 applications, fielded 200 questions, took 20 resumes, shook 11 hands, fielded 5 follow-up calls and lost 1 pen. But that'll happen when your boss decides to get a 10-FOOT LONG BANNER saying "HELP WANTED." (For two positions. =P) --- I think to arbitrarily increase the difficulty factor, this year I'll try to do my NaNoWriMo via some graphical IF: http://www.adventuregamestudio.co.uk/ I'm going to keep this short and sweet, since I know a lot of people have no interest/love/tolerance for MMO's (monthly muse organizings). Through various methods that aren't really relevant to anyone but me, I rediscovered the free adventure game utility site, and remembered how much I enjoyed working with it, even though I never got very far with the last game I started making for it (a Christmas-themed game involving George & Pudgy, narrated by a bad impression of Leonard Nimoy), so I thought I could come up with a branching story in 50k that could serve as the overarching plot of a computer adventure. The tricky part would be keeping myself from getting distracted by the actual programming/designing/creating of the game itself and just focusing on the writing for it. But at the same time, I need to make sure that what I'm writing will work in a game format. It will be a balancing act, but one that will allow me to set aside the giant poultry a bit longer. *considers explaining that, then decides that's what entry calendars are for* --- Watson: "Why didn't I think of that?" Sherlock "Because you're an idiot." *looks at Watson* "Oh don't be like that, just about everyone is." Can I just say that BBC's "Sherlock" is the best Sherlock reboot since "House"? Because I just did anyway. Granted, I'm a fan of Martin Freeman's work, but still. This makes me want to re-read the old Doyle mysteries. --- Zuckerberg: "Where you tell your stories is really personal." (So, hopefully you don't mind if we switch it up as often as a retail store.) Okay, maybe someone can explain to me why anybody on the planet would care what I'm doing in any given app? I hardly care, and it's me. So, this would have been part of my Facebook rant that I never wrote, mostly because I still haven't gotten to see the alleged new Timeline format that they were bragging about. Though I have already encountered some Facebook integrated standalone apps that seemed to want to force me to share my info with anyone else I'm friends with on Facebook who uses the app. --- I'm looking forward to Excel+, which will let my friends know which spreadsheet formulas I'm using and how often I create new graphs. I'm not looking forward to the Charmin+ Facebook app. My final #f8 tweet: "Like technology, the amount people want to share is greatly increasing." I disagree. We're just more blatant about it. Seriously though, if I thought my mundane everyday habits were interesting, I'd have already been sha-- oh. Right. *looks around self-consciously* --- If I ever write an autobiography, I want to end it with "And as I finished writing the last page of my autobiography, I suddenl-" *scribble* (I know I'm neither the first nor last person to think of this, but it still amuses me for some reason. No real reason to expand upon it, I just felt like lamely defending it, apparently.) --- I'm sorry, but whenever I hear the phrase "Rock Artist," I immediately picture a craft booth where someone glues googly eyes onto stones. Actually, no. I'm not sorry, because it amuses me. (And technically I don't picture the booth immediately, just the overall concept, but at 140 characters, one must simplify.) --- So... what happened to Firefox 4, 5, & 6? Seriously. It's like they were hushed up, and they trotted out FireFox 7 as if nothing was out of the ordinary. I think they wanted to have as high of numbers as Internet Explorer, which implies that having that many revisions is a good thing, apparently. (I think they secretly all want to reach version X and stay there like the Mac OS.) --- People who don't want jazz music playing at their office shouldn't leave the locking up to saxophone players. Yeah, I can't remember if I've mentioned that here, but after a long, long, long hiatus, I finally started playing the saxophone again, once I realized that once or twice a week at the end of the day I'm the only person in the office, and there are no rules specifically forbidding me from playing musical instruments while I'm there. (In my defense, I actually punch out if I end up playing longer than I'm supposed to be there.) I was amazed not only that I could remember the fingering, but also that the reeds still worked after nearly a decade and a half of disuse. It's not in perfect working order (though I imagine most instruments wouldn't be after being in storage that long), but it's good enough. (Though not good enough to link you to a sampling here. Despite having done so on Facebook. But those are just Facebook people, they're easy to please, yo. [Not referring to the people on here who are also on Facebook, of course. Your tastes are far more discerning.] --- These frozen waffles contain "blueberry bits", where blueberries are the 5th ingredient after sugar, dextrose, soybean oil, and soy protein. Fun fact: ingredients have to be listed in order of quantity, so any item listed is, in theory, no more than the reciprocal of whatever its rank is. So if it's the second ingredient, it comprises no more than half the contents; if listed third, no more than a third, and so on. ("The More You Know™...") [Disclaimer: This can be worked around, however, with the inclusion of variations on the same ingredient type, or said ingredient as part of smaller sub-ingredients. So for example, in the frozen waffles, there may be sugar in the waffles AND the blueberry bits.] Yes, I am a bit obsessive about my ingredient reading. --- Anytime I find myself nitpicking a minor detail in a Star Wars movie, I should remind myself of the giant sock puppet living on an asteroid. Assuming George hasn't replaced this with CGI by now... --- Ever notice that every software update is is important/urgent? Even though it wasn't even necessary the day before... This is my excuse for not accepting updates right away. If anything, I get annoyed at them for letting the hackers know about the latest loophole discovery. "Hey! We just learned that if a hacker were to send you an unencrypted code to your browser, they might be able to access your memory in such a way that they could totally screw over your system!" Admittedly, they might have just as easily figured it out on their own, but it still bothers me, like when TV shows illustrate DIY explosives. --- Dear business owner: while I appreciate your enthusiasm for Halloween decor, since you are a restaurant, I'd dial back the spiders and rats. (Seriously, what were they thinking? Not that skeletons would be an improvement, either. But at least I've never heard of food being tainted by skeletons, as such. [And if you have, I don't want to know.]) --- Not that anyone asked, but I think "passive" and "impassive" should be a bit more distinct from each other than they currently are. Also flammable and inflammable. C'mon, English language! Let's try to ease up on the difficulty factor for future bilinguals! --- Life: "Here." *hands you lemons* / You: "Hey, this will go great with my pitcher of iced sugar water!" (I've since seen buttons and T-shirts that more or less make the same joke. Only it's worded instead something like, "Unless life also hands you sugar and ice water, your lemonade is going to suck.") --- "Oz never did give nothing to the Tin Man, that he didn't, didn't already have." So Oz pick-pocketed Tin Man, stole his watch & regifted it? Yes, I just realized I'm questioning the logic of a band who were comfortable with the lyrics, "there ain't no one for to give you no pain." Mocking songs by America is like snarking at fish in a barrel. (I'm guessing. I've never been knowingly near any fish barrels.) --- If Mr. Peanut had an evil twin, he'd be honey roasted. I'm guessing this made sense to me at the time. --- When you say, "Ha! Made you look!" I just hear, "Ha! I've further reduced my usefulness as a reliable source of environmental information!" Also, deadpan sarcasm is another fast route to becoming a decreasingly valued provider of opinions. --- TV Drama Wisdom: "The thing about burned bridges is they can be rebuilt." Yes, but usually they won't let the pyro on the construction crew. An even more appropriate comment, since I got the quote from the final season of "Heroes," which I highly recommend avoiding if you haven't already done so. --- When I criticize a TV show for using a ploy seen on a hundred other shows, I forget that a lot of people haven't seen a hundred other shows. This can also be a problem with some novels. A much worse problem, in fact, because the ploys tend to be more drawn out, so you'd better hope you really love the characters in the meantime. [I honestly don't know how there can be thousands of mystery books in existence. How many different ways can you throw the reader off the scent?] --- The problem with having a beard is that when I'm trying to keep my hands warm, it looks like I'm plotting something malevolent. I mean, surely it must... I think it, and I know that I'm not! (Or AM I? Muhahahaha... *keeps hands warm*) --- Another day, another bird insecurely beating the crap out of his own reflection. I'm pretty sure there's a metaphor there. Not an upbeat one, perhaps, but... --- Dear Inventors of Bacon Frosting: DO NOT WANT. I like my bacon like I like my story plotlines: solid and crunchy. I'm mainly including this because I want to publicly apologize for the deliberate use of this overused lolcatism. --- If I were Canadian, I would be offended that Chrome does not know how to spell "Poutine." Unless there's a Canadian browser version I don't know about? Even so, that doesn't excuse them from not letting Canada's southern neighbors talk about it. --- If someone's prejudiced against droids and AI, does that make them an organist? This is just one of many horrible puns that would probably be far more useful in a character's dialogue in a story, rather than posed like a really bad standup routine. Only in the story, it would be a droid accusing a human of being "an organist." Or something. I don't know. *stops needless brainstorming* --- When there's tons of traffic in an area on a weekday, I want to ask them where they were the rest of the week and why they're not there now. There is no joke here. I really want to do that. Because I know why I'm there, but I don't know why THEY'RE there, and I hate not knowing things. (And no, the answer is not, "The same reason you're there," because sharing my reason would result in them being there on a regular basis.) --- It's hard for me to clean my glasses while I'm not wearing my glasses. It's hard for me to clean my glasses while I'm wearing them, too. I guess what I'm saying is that I should hire someone to clean my glasses for me. --- It's embarrassing when people think I failed to keep the faucet from splashing my pants, when really I just peed myself. #ThingsYouNeverHear This is yet another example of something that, judging from my own laughter, is probably too weird to be funny to most people. --- If Swiffer wants to invent an even more effective lint and dust collector, just make it out of whatever food I happen to have dropped. These are the sorts of thoughts I have when I've been watching Swiffer ads on Hulu and I've dropped something non-sticky yet it manages to still collect a bunch of gunk. --- Are people who climb up to put words on signs illiterate or does the wobbly height prevent accuracy? More likely the former than the ladder. *pause for groan* --- I call foul on these Flavor-Morph Starbursts. They go from Orange and Cherry to Orange-Strawberry and Cherry-Lime. That's Flavor-Augment. I also think that only having two flavors to choose from is a bit Mike & Ike-ish of them. --- Okay, that's all I have for now. Let me know whether you thought this was better, worse, or no better/worse than just plain twitterpasting. (I'd like to think it was a fair compromise, but a lot of the things I like to think aren't necessarily in line with reality, so...) G'nite! ---<a href="http://s36.sitemeter.com/stats.asp?site=s36odkrud" target="_top"><img src="http://s36.sitemeter.com/meter.asp?site=s36odkrud" alt="Site Meter" border="0"/></a><CENTER><A HREF="http://www.savetheinternet.com/"><img src="http://i106.photobucket.com/albums/m268/krudmonger/netpudge.jpg" WIDTH="90" HEIGHT="60" ALT="Save the Net" BORDER="0" /></A></CENTER> Thu, 5 Jan 2012 00:00:00 GMT Since I Haven't Written Since Last Year... http://www.opendiary.com/entryview.asp?authorcode=A331484&entry=21359 http://www.opendiary.com/entryview.asp?authorcode=A331484&entry=21359 Honestly, I tried not to make a joke along those lines, but it has been hard-wired into my bad humor psyche. But as one friend put it, "Those jokes never get old." Probably because they can only be made once a year. This is a leap year, for those of you whose fingers aren't on the pulse of the Gregorian system. You would think that I'd know some good Leap Year jokes by now, but no. Maybe it's because I've only lived through 8* of them. I am trying a weird thing this year: I'm hoping to attend "Me School," in which I re-learn how to be me. If you're confused yet, I don't blame you. I wouldn't have known what I meant a year ago. (And I'm still not convinced that I know what I mean, even now.) The short, oversimplified version is that I want to make use of these helpful books I've been accumulating over time, combined with meetings, both online and off, that are available, and just generally try to "get it together," where "it" is defined as "whatever I manage to get together." (I'm being deliberately vague with myself, because I find that when I set very specific goals, I tend to overshoot, and then mentally beat myself up when I fall short of said targets. At this point I am "settling" for "generally forward progress.") I've made a deliberate point to not call it a resolution, nor do I want to take inventory at the end of the year. In fact, I'm trying to convince myself that it's a total coincidence that this is coinciding (no pun intended, in fact I'm pretty sure it's not even a pun) with the new year. It's something I've been wanting to do for a while now, and just haven't managed to get off the ground. There are also a few websites that are able to assist in my endeavors, in terms of "goal tracking" (should I decide to bite the bullet and establish some concrete goals [if one of the books in question should happen to encourage that]), including Fitocracy, which I've just gained access to today (a stroke of luck** since I had already started formulating my plans. And I'm really counting on this moving past the formulating stage. Otherwise I wouldn't be as willing to talk about it.) I know I have my work cut out for me***, particularly when there is no end to the number of potential distractions. My greatly diminished levels of writing (both fiction and non) are a testament to the adverse effects (at least in my case) that come with the territory of broadband internet. Yes, I have fallen prey to the very thing I swore I wouldn't succumb to in my "American Idiot" parody, "Draconian Internet." (Still not entirely happy with that title.) You would think I would have balanced it out by now, but no. (And by you I mean me. Actually I mean "I", because "Me would think" sounds like Cookie Monster. Not that there's anything wrong with that.) And it's only gotten worse with Netflix, the instant queue of which is well over 200 now (and some of those titles are entire TV series.) Plus a Kindle. So... yeah. A seemingly endless array of time-wasters on hand. I am not saying that 2011 was a total waste. On the contrary, a lot of good things came out of last year for me, without which I would not even have the <s>where-with-all</s> <s>werewilf-haul</S> <s>wear-whiff-awl</s> motivation to embark on this latest starteavor. (As opposed to endeavor, which sounds too final.) If anything, the past year was a wake-up call, one that I'd kept hitting snooze on (which I realize doesn't apply to wake-up calls, but just play long, as we're almost done here.) I am not getting any younger, as the recent harvest of, um, platinum blond hairs can attest. (Though to paraphrase [the slightly underrated****] Gallagher, "At least it was a hair.") So I really need to get cracking on that whole "what do I want to be when I grow up" thing. Specifically the latter half, which may help me answer the former half. (That made more sense in my head. But then, what doesn't?*****) Okay, time for me to leave work, so I will end this here, cushioned by way too many footnotes. (The most I've used all year, and okay I've just used that joke once too many now.) --- (* - Okay, so technically I've had nine, but I'm not counting '76, because I was just a baby and didn't know any jokes at all back then. [I was SO not funny. I'd crawl up on stage, and people'd be like, "Get off the stage. {People are so cruel to baby comedians. (Being a comedian FOR babies, by contrast, is a piece of cake. Literally, if you wanted. Just show the babies a piece of cake and say in a goofy voice, "Where didda piece-a-cake COME from?!" They crack up. Or better yet, hide the cake behind your back and say, "Where'd the cake GO?" and then bring it back out, and -- this is the important bit -- gasp in surprise. They love that.)}] *pause* But anyway, yeah. I only count the last eight.) (** - Or misfortune, should it happen to be my downfall somehow. But that is arbitrary pessimism. I should save pessimism for specific instances.) (*** - Actually, if my job were clipping coupons, then having my work cut out for me would be a good thing, right?) (**** - Yes, I said that, and I stand by it. Yes, he's also said and done a lot of stupid things, but so have a lot of comedians.) (***** - Okay, a lot of things don't. But if you answered "21st century attitudes about 3D media", give yourself five points.) ---<a href="http://s36.sitemeter.com/stats.asp?site=s36odkrud" target="_top"><img src="http://s36.sitemeter.com/meter.asp?site=s36odkrud" alt="Site Meter" border="0"/></a><CENTER><A HREF="http://www.savetheinternet.com/"><img src="http://i106.photobucket.com/albums/m268/krudmonger/netpudge.jpg" WIDTH="90" HEIGHT="60" ALT="Save the Net" BORDER="0" /></A></CENTER> Wed, 4 Jan 2012 00:00:00 GMT