Open Diary - Ivory Mirror

Summer

Thu, 3 Jul 2008 0:00:01 GMT

So, it seems I'm halfway through summer and I still haven't managed to get a job. Last year I felt bad not getting one for a month, so this just sucks. Of course, I really haven't been doing as much as I should have.

Otherwise my summer's been going good. Hanging out with Chris in our apartment, going out to see a bunch of movies, etc. And we have a kitten named Leon. He's the cutest little thing, almost 5 months old and we just got him a collar yesterday. He fought it, well fought me. Chris just told him "No!" in a deep voice and then he just lay placidly (if a little poutily) and got the collar on. We're thinking of actually taking him out for walks every once in a while as we're sure he'll love it so we wanted to have something to put his tag on so if he got away he'd be returned. It seems weird to be talking about walking a cat, but it should be fun, heh.

But really, I just hope I get a job soon, because this is just starting to really suck.

Fading

Sun, 27 Jan 2008 0:00:01 GMT

So, I really haven't been writing, have I? It's been how long since that last entry where I said I'd be trying to write more? Getting close to a year, I'll bet.

I've been thinking about how much more this diary shows my younger self than my present self. There's barely an idea of who I am now. I guess it's ineteresting to see how I was when I was younger, but I think it would be equally interesting to see how I am now later on. But, well, I guess I just never think to write anymore. I've written a couple of times more in my livejournal, but it's mainly just quizzes and random things I want to let my friends know.

Anyway, some things that have changed since before:

I'm living with Chris now. It's going really well, we're really comfortable together and being with him just feels like home. We do have some money worries, but I'm sure things'll work themselves out.

Second year in university is a little tougher. I have longer papers and harder exams. Which I guess makes sense but still it's a bit stressful. I have 3 ten page essays due at the end of March and beginning of April that i should start to work on. My middle english professor suggested a method to my class on how to write essays that i'm going to try because it seems like it would work well. Hopefully that'll pull my marks up again. (It would be nice to make the Dean's Honour List again this year.) Oh, and what I'm taking this year are 19th century English Lit, Medieval Language and Lit, Classical Mythology, Classical History, and a 1st year Sociology course. Chris checks up on me to make sure I'm doing my readings, which is good because I tend to procrastinate :P.

During the summer I had a job at a factory called ABS Friction. Good people, ok pay, but oh my god was it mind numbingly boring. I had to be there at 7 every morning 'til 3 in the afternoonm, which though I felt was early, did free up my time in the evenings to try my habd at roleplaying. Very fun! Though I haven't managed to stick with it, I had started on an idea for a campaign myself. Maybe I'll have time this coming summer to actually flesh it out and play through it with Chris.

Anyway, at the moment I'm looking for a part-time job (very part-time, as i mentione, I have a lot of shcool work) just to help with my expenses a little so I don't use up too much of my OSAP. Hopefully that'll work out.

And, I guess the last thing I should mention is the most recent thing to happen. My dog Julie died last Saturday. She'd been having problems with her bladder and it was very swollen so they finally decided to operate. She reacted badly to the anesthetic and died of heart complications. It really sucks. I love that dog. It's the main reason I'm back in Guelph at the moment. I'm very sad about it. But, i just can't help being happy sometimes. My life is going very well right now, and I'm happy. Though Julie's death is definitely a blow, and I'll miss her forever, I know that I'll be alright.

ARRRRRRRRRRG!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sun, 18 Mar 2007 0:00:01 GMT

So, worst day ever.

My mom says that if I move in with Chris next year she won't help with rent. Chris's family gives him impossible conditions to moving back in which he wanted to do to save up money. He walks me to the bus terminal, and we break up.

Just before that he was saying that if he had the money and was sure he'd be allowed to stay at my building, he'd come with me, just to get away for a while. I wasn't expecting him to break up with me. Apparently he doesn't like getting between me and my mother, and dragging me down and apparently I also distract him from what he needs to do. I don't know. I don't even know how much I'm clinging to the hope that he'll just take it back.

I was all cold and shaking on the way back, and my mind just kept thinking and get stuck on the most inane things.Like what time it was, or the wording on the side of a truck. Also, I somehow came up with the numbers 7,2,1,8, and I just kept repeating them over and over in my mind and I couldn't seem to stop. I guess it was all to drown out what was the most obvious thing to think of. It's not fun being emotional on a crowded bus.

And for some reason I'm talking to Chris on MSN right now, and it's obvious we're both hurt and that he's just as confused as I am. I Don't Know. I guess I'll just have to see what happens. I don't know what I want to happen, or how I really feel about all this. I just know that I hurt. We both need time to figure out where we stand.

I had more to say, but I'm realizing now that I really didn't want to say it anyway. So I'll just leave with what I have.

Hi! It's me!!

Fri, 26 Jan 2007 0:00:01 GMT

I recently read through all my old entries and I started to think that maybe I should post in here every once in a while again. And I mean, not just the little one-liners and angst that seem to be littering up the place recently. I guess whenever I do feel like posting semi-explained randomness, it ends up on my lj. See, I knew something like that might happen. Of course, it's not like I post there often either, so I suppose it's just my disinterest. Oh well, I guess we'll see what happens, huh?

Anyway, what's new with me these days? Well, I guess I'm getting a lot of stuff to think about for my 'future'. I need to find a summer job, I need to declare my major, and I need to find a place to live for next year. I've been told to wait 'til March before looking for a place, as that's when most of the listings will be up, and that seems quite alright to me as I have 'til the end of February to decide my major, and apparently good summer jobs go fast. Of course, all job offers that I ever find want people to start "as soon as possible", and I doubt they mean second week of May by that :P. I guess I could always try them and see what happens. I did come across this 40 hour/week theatre day camp counsellor thing that might be interesting, but it didn't say what the pay was. And, I think that's probably only for July-August as that's when kids are out of school. Still, it might be a good idea to check it out. I know that if I'm paid minimum wage, I need about 35 hours a week to make my goal of $4000 over the summer. I took a couple weeks off of the entire length when I was calculating as I figure it would be a good idea to have some vacation time. if I manage to land something that pays more, however, I could possibly manage less hours or simply quit earlier for extra fun at the end of August :P. Of course, I might decide to forego that in order to have a bit of extra spending money for the year :P. I'll prolly be getting a job in London during the school year next year, though, just so I don't have to worry about my budget as much, so that might not be necessary.

As for my major, I think I might actually go for a double major, or a specialization and a minor. That would only be 12 or 14 required courses over 3 years. I think I could do that, and if I discover that I don't think I can, I can always change my mind and switch things around so they aren't as intense. Right now I'm thinking of English as my main thing, with either Classics or Complit as my second. Of course, people always say you can't really do anything with an english major, but as I'm thinking more and more about actually trying for that publishing thing, I think that would actually be a good choice. I think I might take a business course next year, as well. One, because I need a course from another faculty, and two, because I think that might be some good knowledge to have. Especially if I abandon the publishing idea and decide to open up a bookstore or something :P.

Apartment hunting has actually been fairly far from my mind as I've been mainly thinking of the above, but I do know that I'll want something either relatively close or close to a bus stop. I wouldn't mind taking the bus if I liked the place, especially as then I might actually feel like I live in London rather than at Western. I guess price will be something I'll have to think about, as well as whether the place is actually decent looking. Meh, I just have a feeling that things will work out about this. Especially as my mom keeps telling me the story about how she applied late and found a place in a month just in time for school. I don't think I'll wait that long, though :P.

Anyway, despite this whole "decision making" time, and the midterms and essays and such that seem to be steadily approaching, I don't feel as worried as I sometimes think I should be. I'm just utterly convinced that things'll work out and I'll get them done, if not early, then at least on time. I guess it's good that I'm handling it, and that I'm not stressing too much (though I'll admit I've had my moments). I guess it's mainly because even though I'm only somewhat working on getting things done, I am thinking about them and slowly coming to conclusions. Writing things out has helped get things sorted a bit, too. I wasn't even sure I had decided on English 'til I said :P.

I'm most likely heading back home again next weekend to spend some time with Chris for his brithday as it's on the 7th. It'll be nice to see him again :). I know I was just there last weekend, but really that's still too long in between seeing him. It'll be nice this summer that, though we'll both have our own schedules, the other will just be a walk away when we want to get together. I love spending time with him. Heh, I simply love him. And I miss him to pieces. We do talk every day on MSN, and that's good, but it isn't quite the same as being able to sit and talk and laugh with him in person. I just wanna snuggle him , hehe. Ha, if you could just see the grin on my face that I have from simply thinking about him, you'd wonder if I were gonna melt into a pile of sappy goo :P. There are really no words to express how happy he makes me feel, so I think I'll just move on.

Anyway, after that, the next time I'll prolly be back in Guelph will be the end of February for Reading Week, which is 3 weeks in between visits rather than 2. Those weeks'll be spent with essays and midterms, I think :P. I'm not too worried about all that, though. I'll need to put aside some time to actually work rather than procrastinate, but it'll be good.

I think that's all I can think of to say for now. Perhaps there'll be more of these entries in the future, and perhaps not, I guess we'll just have to wait and see.

This Sucks

Sat, 23 Dec 2006 0:00:01 GMT

It sucks expecting someone to die, but not being exactly sure when it'll be.