http://www.opendiary.com/entrylist.asp?authorcode=A962391 Something To Sing About http://www.opendiary.com/entryview.asp?authorcode=A962391&entry=21510 http://www.opendiary.com/entryview.asp?authorcode=A962391&entry=21510 <p>I'm going to assume that this came from the same source as the information in my last entry, but I'm not sure since there's no source listed on the print out.</p> <p><u>Ten Ways to Untwist Your Thinking</u></p> <p>1) <strong>Identify the Distortion.</strong>  Write down your negative thoughts so you can see which of the ten cognitive distortions you're involved in.  This will make it easier to think about the problem in a more positive and realistic way.</p> <p>2) Examine the Evidence.  Instead of assuming that your negative thought is true, examine the actual evidence for it.  For example, if you feel that you never do anything right, you could list several things you have done successfully.</p> <p>3) <strong>The Double-Standard Method</strong>.  Instead of putting yourself down in a harsh, condemning way, talk to yourself in the same compassionate way you would talk to a friend with a similar problem.</p> <p>4) <strong>The Experimental Technique</strong>.  Do an experiment to test the validity of your negative thought.  For example, if, during an episode of panic, you become terrified that you're about to die of a heart attack, you could jog or run up and down several flights of stairs.  This will prove that your heart is healthy and strong.</p> <p>5) <strong>Thinking in Shades of Gray</strong>.  Although this method may sound drab, the effects can be illuminating.  Instead of thinking about your problems in all-or-nothing extremes, evaluate things on a range from 0 to 100.  When things don't work out as well as you hoped, think about the experience as a partial success rather than a complete failure.  See what you can learn from the situation.</p> <p>6) <strong>The Survey Method</strong>.  Ask people questions to find out if your thoughts and attitudes are realistic.  For example, if you believe that public speaking anxiety is abnormal and shameful, ask several friends if they ever felt nervous before they gave a talk.</p> <p>7) <strong>Define Terms.</strong>  When you label yourself "inferior" or "a fool" or "a loser" ask, "What is the definition of a fool?"  You will feel better when you see that there is no such thing as a fool or a loser.</p> <p>8) <strong>The Semantic Method</strong>.  Simply substitute language that is less colorful and emotionally loaded.  This method is helpful for "should statements."  Instead of telling yourself "I <em>shouldn't</em> have made that mistake," you can say, " "It would have been better if I hadn't made that mistake."</p> <p>9) <strong>Re-attribution</strong>.  Instead of automatically assuming that you are "bad" and blaming yourself entirely for a problem, think about the many factors that may have contributed to it.  Focus on solving the problem instead of using up all of your energy blaming yourself and feeling guilty.</p> <p>10) <strong>Cost Benefit Analysis</strong>.  List the advantages and disadvantages of a feeling (like getting angry when your plane is late), a negative thought (like "No matter how hard I try, I always screw up") or a behavior pattern (like overeating and lying around in bed when you're depressed).  You can also use the COst-Benefit Analysis to modify a self-defeating belief such as "I must always try to be perfect."</p> <hr /> <p>Something that we did in class that really helped me was keeping a record of negative thoughts and emotions.  Basically, you write down the thought/emotion (word for word, not a summary) that caused your anxiety.  </p> <p>In my case, I wrote down the emotion associated with that thought as well.  For example, my sister's family and I went in on some Packer's tickets for my dad and a friend of his for my dad's 50 birthday.  They weren't cheap, but it was worth it.  One of my negative thoughts was "What if the tickets don't work?"  When I wrote that down in my 'journal', I wrote:<br /> <em>Oct 3, 2010 - Anxious<br /> "What if the tickets don't work?"</em><br /> Another one I had was:<br /> <em>Sept 30, 2010 - Angry<br /> "Why doesn't she take that screaming brat outside?"</em><br /> Once we'd all gotten used to keeping that record, we started working with it.  We made charts with three sections: <em>Automatic thought, Cognative Distortion</em> and<em> Coping Thoughts</em>.  Basically, you take that negative thought, identify the distortion and then come up with a more accurate coping thought.  One of my own examples is:</p> <table cellspacing="1" cellpadding="1" border="1" style="width: 746px; height: 125px;"> <tbody> <tr> <td> <p><u>Automatic Thought<br /> </u></p> <p>They're going to deny my application.<br /> We'll lose $700.<br /> I'll fail the tests.<br /> I'll be deported.<br />  </p> </td> <td> <p><u>Cognative Distortion</u></p> <p>Emotional reasoning<br /> Mental Filter<br /> Fortune Telling<br /> All or Nothing<br />  </p> </td> <td> <p><u>Coping Thoughts</u></p> <p>I can't be deported if I haven't done anything wrong.<br /> I've known the test answers since 5th grade<br /> There's no reason to deny my application.<br /> <br />  </p> </td> </tr> </tbody> </table> <p>At first, it seemed like a pain in the ass to do all of that just for some anxiety, but then I started doing it automatically without writing it down and -that- helped a lot.  This one particular coping mechanism is pretty much what's keeping me from dissolving into a huge pile of panic while I'm off of my meds.</p> <p>Another very helpful thing (and, sadly, this won't be an option for everyone)...my group was entirely women.  We all got on very well.  So well, in fact, that we started a private Facebook group for ourselves that we use to support each other and share news.  We also meet about once a month to have lunch and chat about our lives, our anxieties and our successes.</p> <p> </p> Tue, 31 Jan 2012 00:00:00 GMT http://www.opendiary.com/entryview.asp?authorcode=A962391&entry=21509 http://www.opendiary.com/entryview.asp?authorcode=A962391&entry=21509 <p>Some of my faves asked me to post some of the handouts that I got while I was doing a group class on handling anxiety.  I found these to be super helpful, so maybe they'll help someone else, too.</p> <p>One of the things that really helped me was being able to put words to what I was feeling and how I was reacting to things.  Once I could identify what I was doing, I was better able to stop doing it.  I put examples in parenthesis. </p> <p><u>Definitions of Cognitive Distortions</u><br /> <em>Source: Burns, D.D. : Feeling Good - The New Mood Therapy</em></p> <p>1) <strong>All or nothing thinking</strong>: You see things in black and white categories.  If your performance falls short of perfect, you see yourself as a total failure.  (If I don't make an A on my math test, I'll never get into college.  If my child isn't fully potty trained by 2 years old, I'm a bad parent.)</p> <p>2) <strong>Overgeneralization</strong>: You see a single negative event as a never ending pattern of defeat.  (Often characterized by the words "always" and "never."  I always get passed over for a promotion.  I'll never get anywhere in life.  I'll always be bad at socializing.  I'll never make any friends.)</p> <p>3) <strong>Mental filter</strong>: You pick out a single negative detail and dwell on it exclusively so that your vision of all reality becomes darkened, like the drop of ink that discolors the entire beaker of water.  (The weather forecast says that it's going to rain on my wedding day.  The pictures will be awful.  Everyone will be cold and wet and miserable.  I may as well not even get married because the whole thing is ruined now.  I look fat in this bathing suit.  Everyone's going to laugh at me because I'm fat.  I'm not going swimming with everyone else because I'm disgusting.)</p> <p>4) <strong>Disqualifying the positive</strong>: You reject positive experiences by insisting they "don't count" for some reason or other.  In this way, you can maintain a negative belief that is contradicted by your everyday experiences.  (I only made that basket because I got lucky.  I only look good in that picture because it was retouched.)</p> <p>5) <strong>Jumping to conclusions</strong>: You make a negative interpretation even though there are no definite facts that convincingly support your conclusion.</p> <p>     a)<em> Mind reading</em>: You arbitrarily conclude that someone is reacting negatively to you and you don't bother to check this out.  (The people sitting in the waiting room all think I'm crazy.  They probably expect me to pull out a gun and start shooting.  The guy taking my order at McDonald's thinks I've had enough Big Macs and that I should go home and eat some vegetables so I can lose some weight.)</p> <p>     b) <em>The fortune telling error</em>: You anticipate that things will turn out badly and you feel convinced that your predicition is an already established fact.  ("What if" statements are a big one here.  What if I never get a boyfriend?  I'll never get that job.  I missed the bus the first time I tried to take it, so I'll never be on time for the bus.)</p> <p>6) <strong>Magnification (C\catastrophizing) or minimization</strong>: You exaggerate the importance of things (such as your goof-up or someone else's accomplishment) or you inappropriately shrink things until they appear tiny (your own accomplishments or the other fellow's imperfections).  This is also called "the binocular trick."  (Mag: I sent an order to the wrong address and I'm going to get fired.  This bruise has been here a long time.  Oh God, I have cancer and I'm going to die. / Min:  I only sing well when other people are singing with me and can drown me out.)</p> <p>7) <strong>Emotional reasoning</strong>: You assume that your negative emotions necessarily reflect the way things really are.  "I feel it, therefore it must be true."  (I'm afraid to fly because the plane is going to crash and I'll die.  The house is always a pig sty, so there's no reason to bother cleaning it.)</p> <p>8) <strong>Should statements</strong>: You try to motivate yourself with "shoulds" and "shouldn'ts," as if you had to be whipped and punished before you could be expected to do anything.  "Musts" and "oughts" are also offenders.  The emotional consequence is guilt.  When you direct "should statements" toward others, you feel anger, frustration and resentment.  (I should keep my opinion to myself.  I should have known better.  I must get straight A's.  I shouldn't feel anxious.)</p> <p>9)<strong> Labeling and mislabeling</strong>: This is an extreme form of overgeneraliztion.  Instead of describing your error, you attach a negative label to yourself: "I'm a loser."  When someone else's behavior rubs you the wrong way, you attach a negative label to him: "He's a damned louse."  Mislabeling involves describing an event with language that is highly colored and emotionally loaded.</p> <p>10) <strong>Personalization</strong>: You see yourself as the cause of some negative external event, which in fact you are not primarily responsible for.  (It rained on the day of the picnic.  I picked the worst day possible for a picnic.  My son is failing math and it's all my fault because I'm a bad parent.)</p> <p>I want to follow this with a handout we got about how to "untwist your thinking," but it took me so long to type this entry up that I think I'll wait until the next entry for that.</p> Sun, 29 Jan 2012 00:00:00 GMT http://www.opendiary.com/entryview.asp?authorcode=A962391&entry=21505 http://www.opendiary.com/entryview.asp?authorcode=A962391&entry=21505 <p>It's been a while, hasn't it?  I've been sick and we've been traveling, so I haven't really had the time or inclination to write.  I'll catch up now.</p> <p>For Christmas, we drove down to my sister's place in Indiana.  They've moved again and their new house is SUPER cute.  I love it.  Anyway, mom and dad also went to Indy.  We stayed in a hotel, but spent the days at Melanie's.  On Christmas eve, we headed out to look at Christmas lights and to go to this one house that had over 80 decorated Christmas trees inside it.  It was awesome, but it was hot as hell inside that little house.  Anyhow, after that we went back to Melanie's to open presents.  It was a nice Christmas. :)  The kids really seemed to like everything that they got and so did the adults.  Duckie got me a very pretty white gold ring with three sapphires in it.  I got him a board game that he wanted (split it with his brother b/c it was EXPENSIVE!) and a french press.  He unwrapped the french press on Christmas eve.  His brother and I let him have the board game when we bought it over Thanksgiving.  We also got a new George Foreman from my sister.  We used to have a really small one, but you could only make like 1 burger at a time on it and we'd lost the cleany thing, so it was really annoying.  This new one is "family" size.  As long as I can make more than 1 burger at a time, I'm happy!  We haven't had a chance to use it yet, but I'm hoping to get it out of the box tomorrow.  We have some turkey burgers in the freezer that I might try to convince Duckie to make.  I also got an electric skillet from my mom.  I mentioned the thing to my sister as a possible present some time ago and she must have told my mom.  It was a nice surprise.  My dad got me the waterpik that I asked for (I hate flossing!).  Duckie and I got an amazon gift card from my brother who couldn't make it to Indy.</p> <p>On Christmas day, Melanie's mother-in-law brought breakfast over to Melanie's, so we had some french toast casserole thing and an egg and sausage casserole thing.  They did their presenty opening thing with the in-laws and the kids which, by the way, I wish they'd done before we came over from the hotel.  It's just weird and awkward to sit around watching everyone else open gifts.  There was some chilling out and Dr. Who watching done and then we ate Christmas dinner.  There was more Dr. Who watching and then we watched 1.5 movies.  By that time, I was tired as all get out, so we went back to the hotel.  Have I mentioned yet that at some point Melanie had her sick son kiss everyone?  I think she's trying to start a plague.</p> <p>Anyway, the following day, we headed back to good old Wisconsin...and I tried to die.  It wasn't a horrible ride back, but I was already starting to get sick the night before, so I had a pretty good sore throat and cough going on by the time we left in the morning.  When we got to town, we headed straight to training for the dog.  We left Indiana at 11ish and finally got to our apartment at 8.  Keep in mind that we went back an hour when we crossed back into our time zone.</p> <p>So, I went to work on Tuesday....for an hour.  I called out on Wednesday and went in Thursday.  I was in for 1.5 hours on Friday.  We left Wisconsin for Minnesota around 12.  It was a miserable car ride because I was -still- sick!  We met Jared's girlfriend who was visiting (she's from Michigan) and everyone kind of chatted and whatnot.  I slept like shit.  I woke up every few hours trying to hack up my lungs and feeling like someone had sucked every last drop of moisture out of my mouth, rubbed it raw with sandpaper and then tried to suck out even more moisture.  We opened presents the next day.  But first....</p> <p>I was in the bathroom doing my hair or makeup or some such thing and Duckie came in and shut the door.  "I got paid today."  "Well, that's good."  "Want to get a Nook tablet?"  "Umm..yeah."  So, we went to Barnes and Noble and he bought me a Nook tablet!  Obviously, it's for both of us, but Duckie says it's mine because he likes to think that he spoils me. :)  I'm super glad b/c I've been playing with the Nooks every time we go to B&N ever since I got my hands on my mom's last July.  And now, on to the presents!</p> <p>I got a study bible (yes, I specifically asked for it) and a really nice cover (it looks like a cute purse and can double as a bag for my netbook).  I also got three Dickens Village houses, a yarn winder and a book that I asked for.  Duckie got three shirts (guess he should have sent that Christmas list like I kept telling him to!) and some stuff that I don't remember.  Hehe.  We got his brother some bonsai pots back in November, but we let him have them right away.  For his dad, we bought a 120 piece drill bit set.  For Jared's giiiirlfriend, we got a hand lotion gift set and some chocolate.  We didn't know she would be there until the day before we left and we knew NOTHING about her, so we went pretty generic.  We didn't want her to have to sit around and watch everyone else open presents, though.</p> <p>Anyhow, I went to bed at like 9:15 that night.  Woke up at 11:57 with desert mouth.  Kissed Duckie (who was still up playing Angry Birds on the Nook) at midnight and then fell right back asleep.  I was feeling marginally better on New Year's day and the four of us went to the movies to see the new Sherlock Holmes.  LOVED IT!</p> <p>And today we drove home.  My throat was raw the entire way and I coughed so hard that I almost threw up several times, but it was a pretty quick 5 hour drive.  Of course, it's Monday, so we had to go straight to training before we could even go home.  Sprocket has his CGC test next Monday, so we really need to work on "stay" with him.  He does just fine on everything else.  He just gets distracted easily when he's supposed to be staying.  It's kind of annoying b/c there are things that we have to do for the test that we never learned or even went over in class.  Oh well.  Whatever.  I hope he passes.  I'd hate for my dog to be a failure.</p> <p>And..... now I'm home.  My throat is still sore and I'm still trying to get those pesky lungs of mine to come out of my chest and exit my body through my mouth, but I'm definitely going to work tomorrow.  I more or less destroyed my vacation time last week because I was sick, so I'm going to have to be super careful about the rest of it.  I need it for appointments and such!</p> <p>And that was my long and probably boring entry about my  Christmas and New Year.</p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p> </p> Mon, 2 Jan 2012 00:00:00 GMT http://www.opendiary.com/entryview.asp?authorcode=A962391&entry=21503 http://www.opendiary.com/entryview.asp?authorcode=A962391&entry=21503 <p>Girl!</p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p> <a href="http://www.opendiary.com/entrylist.asp?authorcode=D806538"><img src="http://i67.photobucket.com/albums/h294/tinyvoid/photoscavengerparticipant.jpg" alt="" /></a></p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p> </p> Fri, 23 Dec 2011 00:00:00 GMT http://www.opendiary.com/entryview.asp?authorcode=A962391&entry=21501 http://www.opendiary.com/entryview.asp?authorcode=A962391&entry=21501 <p>I got to work on Friday and there was a sign on the door.  "Happy Birthday, Tiny!"  And on the stairs.  And on the door to our particular office.  And on the outside of my cube.  And in the kitchen. :)  They'd decorated my cube and, while I didn't relish the 30s hanging over my head all day, I felt really special.  My boss brought in bagels for everyone b/c that's what we do on birthdays and they'd passed around a nice card fo everyone to sign.</p> <p>It was a moderately busy day, but we all only worked 6 hours since it was Christmas party day.  Just before we clocked out for the Christmas party (our time gets adjusted and we get paid for a full 8 hours), we were all given a plastic candy cane filled with M&Ms and a Christmas card with our "Christmas Gift" in it.  Mine was more than I'd expected.  </p> <p>The Christmas party was actually a lot of fun.  The food was good and my department and most of marketing sat together.  I don't think we stopped laughing and chatting for more than 5 minutes at a time except when the big boss gave his speech.  I'm pretty proud to say that I work for a company that is working with the FCA to develop products to help disabled people that can't afford traditional products or have less common disabilities as a charity endeavor.  That is, our company will make absolutely no money off of these things and we're doing it anyway.</p> <p>I ended up staying later than I thought and I had to rush home to get ready for my birthday dinner, which was also nice.  The person who was supposed to bring the cake didn't show up and didn't bother to tell anyone that she couldn't make it until an hour after she was already supposed to be there.  We had fun without her, though.  Laura gave me a book on making polymer clay jewelry and her mom gave me a shirt that says "geek inside".  I have to say a few things about the shirt, though.  I've been having a lot of issues lately with how big I'm getting (and I know I'll only get bigger) and how clothes look on me and she bought me an XL shirt.  Seriously?  I don't look anywhere close to an XL and the shirt is huge on me.  Unless I gain 75 more lbs, that shirt won't fit properly even when I'm 9 months pregnant.  I appreciate the shirt and I think it's cute, but I doubt that I'll wear it anywhere other than to bed.  I put it on over my other shirt at dinner to be nice and because everyone asked me to, but I felt so self conscious that I could have cried.</p> <p>Which actually leads nicely until yesterday.  I needed a white shirt for the Cantata today, so Duckie and I went out to get a gift card and a little plaque thing engraved (the last of our family Christmas shopping) and to look for a white shirt.  I wanted a white sweater.  How hard can it be to find a white sweater, I thought?  Nearly impossible.  I think we came across 4 white sweaters total though we went to 6 stores.  Sweaters have been good to me so far and I feel like I look more pregnant than just fat in sweaters, which is why I wanted one.  Also, I don't want to buy a blouse in a size I won't be able to wear next year.  Sweaters can be a little bigger, you know?  Anyway, so I was already frustrated because we couldn't find any white sweaters (or even white long sleeved shirts in general).  By the time we got to store #4, I'd more or less had it.  After trying on yet another sweater that made me look like a disproportionate snowman, I started bawling in the middle of JC Penney.  Some old people looked at me funny and moved by me a little faster, too.  Duckie hugged me and let me cry.  Then we went to another store.  Nothing there, either.  Finally, we ended up at Kohl's (which, I should mention, Duckie had suggested before we'd even gone to the 1st store  - guess I should have listened).  At first, we couldn't find any white sweaters, so I was going to just get a white wrap (there was one hanging on the wall by the dressing rooms) and wear a cami underneath.  When we got to that section of clothes, though, we found TWO white sweaters.  I cried.  Again.  I took the sweaters to the dressing room (which was packed) and then started crying (quietly) in the "stall" while I tried on the sweaters.  One of them looked good, which made me cry again.  I tried it one size bigger just in case, but smaller of the two looked much better.  And it was only $10!  After that, I was ready to go home.  I was emotionally drained and I'm sure Duckie was, too.  I don't know if it would be better if my mood swings had me getting mad all the time or if this constant weepiness is less frustrating for poor Duckie.</p> <p>Later that day, my brother called.  "Hey Thunder Thighs."  Really?  I'm turning 30, I'm ginormous and I'm an emotional wreck and that's what I get on my freaking birthday?  I was pretty mad.  We talked for a few minutes and I started sobbing again and told him about how I was feeling really bad about myself.  And you know what he said?  "Well, when the baby comes, you'll lose that weight and you'll have a beautiful baby.  You won't even think about the weight anymore."  My brother said that to me.  Seriously.  My brother.  We ended up chatting on the phone for another hour and he made me feel better about a couple things that I'd been feeling crappy about.  He also told me what he got me for my birthday.  (He's sending it up with my parents when we all meet in Indy for Christmas.)  Diamond earrings.  Seriously.  My brother.  My brother who hasn't even bothered to call and tell me happy birthday or Merry Christmas for the past 6 years.  My brother who only calls me to tell me what he wants for his birthday or Christmas (despite not getting us anything.)  Maybe he's trying to make up for it.  Ionno.  I know that he got them for a really good price (he told me what it was), but I don't care.  The fact that he THOUGHT to get them for me is amazing.</p> <p>This morning was the Christmas Cantata.  I got up way too early in the morning for a Sunday, darn it.  Totally worth it, though.  Last year, there was a snowstorm the night before that prevented most people from leaving their homes.  One woman in the choir actually snow-shoed to the church because she lived close by and they couldn't get their car out.  Anyway,  this year, it was a really nice and mild day.  The first performance was almost totally filled.  The second performance was more than filled.  They had to open the "walls" and add seating out in the lobby area.  The walls were closed again for the third performance.  The crowd was bigger than the first, but obviously smaller than the second.  But it was out BEST performance of the three.  I felt like all three were great, but the third was amazing.  We even got a second (and standing!) ovation after the performance.  It was just ... I don't know.  It was really moving.  But I'm an emotional pregnant woman, so a meatball sub might move me the same way.  Ionno.  I just really enjoyed being a part of it.  And since Mandi and Megan participated with me this year, I had some people to talk to.</p> <p>Mandi's family, Duckie, and a friend of mine from work all came to see the third performance.  (Yay friend from work!)  Afterward, we (minus the co-worker) went out to eat at Olive Garden.  It was a BLAST!  Lots of laughing and carrying on.  Mandi was very kind of paid for everyone.  Revenge, she said, for me and Duckie paying for everyone at my birthday dinner.  Very nice of her.</p> <p>As of right now, Duckie and I will find out the sex of the baby at the ultrasound tomorrow.  We may change our minds at the last second and have it put in an envelope for now, but we'll see.  None of you get to know until after Christmas, though. :-p</p> <p>Okay, dog just came back from a super long walk and he is tearing through the house like a crazy dog.  Aren't walks supposed to use up that energy?  Better go play with him.</p> Sun, 11 Dec 2011 00:00:00 GMT