http://www.opendiary.com/entrylist.asp?authorcode=D118612 Finding my way http://www.opendiary.com/entryview.asp?authorcode=D118612&entry=20436 http://www.opendiary.com/entryview.asp?authorcode=D118612&entry=20436  I haven't thought about OD in ages. But looking back, it has been pretty much 10 years to the day that I started here. Good Lord, where has 10 years gone? I have my 10 year high school  reunion this summer, it's been 5 years since graduating college & I've been married for almost 2 years. Good 'ol OD...we've been through a lot together. <br /> <br /> I blog now http://pandau625.blogspot.ca/ if you want to check it out, it's along the same lines as what I wrote on here...only less teenager-y<br /> <br /> I'm also on twitter @Pandau625 give me a follow if you're so inclined.<br type="_moz" /> Thu, 7 Mar 2013 00:00:00 GMT http://www.opendiary.com/entryview.asp?authorcode=D118612&entry=20434 http://www.opendiary.com/entryview.asp?authorcode=D118612&entry=20434 So I slept all evening, now I can't sleep & it's 4 am.....but my sleeping schedule sucks anyway, so there's not much change here.<br /> <br /> I've been thinking that I haven't written here much recently.....sure not like what I used to....then I thought about why. Maybe cuz I'm writing a real journal more....or maybe my life is the same crap & there's nothing really interesting about me much anymore....maybe because when I get home from work the last thing I want to do is be on a computer longer than I have already been during the day.....but I think it's mostly because I'm not fully happy right now & I guess I don't want to document that. But I'm feeling kinda nostalgic & heart on sleeve-ish tonight (probably lack of sleep enduced) so I'm gonna write what goes on. (Side note....I just felt the need to take the garbage out @ 4 am)<br /> <br /> First off....the job. I do love what I do....especially the maggazine & it makes me sad that it's not doing well & that it looks like they're going to get rid of it. I'm not a huge fan of the newspaper ads much anymore. The sales girls are saying we're not creative, but then when we are, they'll go & change things so it's completely different from what you originally did.....it frusterates me. I can understand if the client doesn't like it, but half the time the client doesn't even get a chance to see what you originally did. They should sell....I don't try to do their job for them, so leave my job to me. There's some other things I don't agree with @ work....they're trying to freeze our holidays during Sept - Dec....which is bullshit. We should be able to take holidays whenever, as long as the department can handle it. & we get "bonuses" for OT, which is just really compensation for the OT that we worked....If it's a bonus, then that's something extra because we're doing good work.....don't call it a bonus cuz you don't usually pay for OT. Something else that's annoying....the sales girls come & go whenever....theoretically they're "selling" but really, they get lunch every day, leave early & we all know they have hair/nail/massage appointments during the day....yet we can work a full 10 hours with no breaks at all. <br /> <br /> I was so excited to come here, knowing that most of the ppl I would be working with would be around my age & I was thinking I would make some friends & it would be awesome. But I stepped into a place where everyone knows everyone else & have for years, and they all have their own groups of friends from forever ago, because no one seems to leave Lloyd if they grew up here & don't seem to want any more. So knowing that, I was excited when the new girl was starting last summer.....not being from here like me, I thought it would be a good opportunity to make a friend.....but the people I work with seem to have made an exception to not adding anymore friends to their groups with Lindsay. Everyone wants to always do stuff with Lindsay. No one invites me to things....I'll invite some ppl to a movie (because I feel like a knob seeing movies by myself), but they'll invite Lindsay to do things.....they'll even stop talking about things that they're planning when I come around....I guess they think I'll invite myself to things. Either that or they'll talk & make plans like I'm not there. I shouldn't care, but I do...& it hurts. It's not fair....I don't understand why I'm not wanted around.<br /> <br /> (It's getting lighter outside)<br /> <br /> I like being on my own....I just don't like being all alone. It sucks & it's lonely. I don't ever get to see my friends, I usually see my family on long weekends & I usually only get to see Justin for just a few days once a month.  I wish I had Krys & Jen to go to movies with & hang out with. I miss games night....I miss everything. I was talkin to my dad yesterday & he was like "it's Friday, you should be out partying"....I don't have anyone to party with.....or even come over & watch TV with.<br /> <br /> When Justin hangs out with his friends I think he forgets about me sometimes....He says he'll call & gets busy doing friend stuff & he doesn't text...that kinda stuff. Now by all means, I don't want him to hang out with friends....but he does it ALL the time....there's not a day off he doesn't hang out with friends...there's even work days he does too. I'm kinda jealous that he has all this friend time....also that they have all this Justin time. & I get a little hurt when he says he'll call & he doesn't....even tho we don't talk about anything, I just miss him so much & sometimes it feels like he doesn't miss me as much as I miss him....or that it doesn't bother him or something. I don't know.<br /> <br /> But I've started crying now & I can't really see the screen anymore, so I'm gonna go to bed<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> Sun, 10 May 2009 00:00:00 GMT http://www.opendiary.com/entryview.asp?authorcode=D118612&entry=20433 http://www.opendiary.com/entryview.asp?authorcode=D118612&entry=20433 <p>Lately, I just haven't been feeling like the old Jen. I feel more like the outcast kid who doesn't have any friends....or anyone who wants to hang out with her anyway. I'm way more self concious than I used to be....about everything....clothes, hair & just about everything else about me. I feel awkward & shy & left out of things a lot. I also cry a lot more....I don't think there's been a day in say the past month & 1/2 that I haven't cried @ least once. I fall asleep on the couch, then when I actually get up to go to bed I can't sleep cuz I get lonely. I dunno....I just want to feel like me again.</p> Thu, 4 Dec 2008 00:00:00 GMT http://www.opendiary.com/entryview.asp?authorcode=D118612&entry=20432 http://www.opendiary.com/entryview.asp?authorcode=D118612&entry=20432 <p>I really lack exciting things to say, thus the lack of updates.</p> <p>Work is going really well.....but super busy sometimes, my probation period is up & I've gotten a raise :) But that's about all that goes on @ work.</p> <p>Other stuff goes good....I think I might take a yoga class or some sort of thing like that this winter....maybe meet some ppl.</p> <p>Going up to Fort Mc for Thanksgiving...meeting Justin's WHOLE family hahaha. A little overwhelming since my family gathers usualy consist of just my immediate family.  Justin said there would prob be like 30 ppl @ his house....crazy times. Then the weekend after I'm headed down to Calgary for a friend's wedding, then I'm gonna head to lethbridge for a few days. Shall be a good time.</p> <p>But that's all that's new & thrilling with me.</p> Sun, 5 Oct 2008 00:00:00 GMT http://www.opendiary.com/entryview.asp?authorcode=D118612&entry=20431 http://www.opendiary.com/entryview.asp?authorcode=D118612&entry=20431 <p>Hokay. So for the past few days I've had the worst cold ever.  Last night I decided to go to bed super early to try & kick it.  (by early, read 8:30....I felt terrible, leave me alone).  So after the wold's hottest shower, I headed to bed.  I woke up around 11:30 just cuz my throat hurt so bad & cuz I'm only used to having a really short amount of sleep.  I was trying to get back to sleep when the fire alarm in the building went off....Freaked me out completely!  I grabbed my phone, Radar, purse, keys & a jacket from my closet & headed outside.  Only about 1/2 the ppl from my building were outside.  No one really knew what was going on....there was no fire....but the maintenance guy cleared the building & we all went back in.  So it apparently went off for no reason.  Just fantastic.  Holy....it would be so horrible if there was a fire.  I can't even imagine!  </p> Fri, 15 Aug 2008 00:00:00 GMT