Open Diary - Rinoa

Open Diary - Rinoa_Heartilly http://www.opendiary.com/entrylist.asp?authorcode=D371303 Memoirs of His Angel Touched. http://www.opendiary.com/entryview.asp?authorcode=D371303&entry=10101 Wednsday night i went to youth group... I haven't been there for a while, but i was also struggling with my faith so my friend Laura suggested that i go. So after doubting whether i should go or not, i went... well it just so happens that they were going to a different chruch for a youth sermon. Laura didn't know about this, but i decided to go anyway, figuring it would be good for me. So we left around 7 to go to this small church. When we got there we went inside and they had some awesome presentations. There was a group that came in from Ohio and they had this awesome dance routine. Then there was a human video presentation, which honestly made me cry slighty because it was about how the evil and negative can take over your life and it will try to kill and destroy you. Which was something i was going through. I didn't want to do anything... and i didn't want to just sit around... i was restless and i felt like i was dying inside. So after that, the youth minister from the Ohio group got up and told a story of how, his father, who had been an alcoholic for years stummbled into a church one Sunday morning and listened to the words of a song, and that he had stummbled to the front of the church and fell down at the alter and was Healed. He said we all had a Divine Appointment... there was a reason we were all there... then he asked us to bow our heads, and raise our hands if something was binding us and making us unhappy. So i raised my hand.... Then he asked us to take the next step. To be Born Again... he asked those who raised their hands to come to the front. So i went up to the front. And he prayed over us, and we prayed with him. And the whole time i had goosebumps and i was crying. Then he went around to each person, first he started with a small group and prayed for them. Then he came to me. He stood in front of me, and said "It ends today" the pain ends today, he looked directly into my eyes and i started to shake. Then the other minister that was there put his hand on my shoulder. And a few other people touched my back and arms, my friend Laura held my hand and they all prayed over me. I felt my heartbeat quicken and a quick pain then it was just tears. The minister prayed over my home also. It was AMAZING!!!! I don't think i've ever felt that way before. I asked The Lord to protect me... everyone standing around me did. And after that i felt relieved, like a huge weight had been lifted off my chest and i could breathe again. After that, we talked to the youth minister from 220 (our youth group) and he was like "Yeah this is great stuff! I bet you didn't expect this to happen to you tonight, but i'm pretty sure you're happy it did!" and he was right... i didn't expect to be healed that night, but i was... So after everything we went outside to eat and run around and act like kids and it was great. Everyone was very supportive and Laura was so happy that i did come and that i was healed. I also met some really cool kids, Glibby and Steven who are Laura's friends were great. They were funny and really cool and i can't wait to go back next week. God is AWESOME!! "By His stripes, we are healed" Jesus is AWESOME!!   So yeah that was Wednsday, SO AWESOME! for today i'm just sitting around, i think we're going somewhere tonight, not sure... i'll find out eventually. My doctor took me off one of my meds yesterday, which i am thankful for... but its just for a week... i'll have to see how i feel when i go back on it. I hope The Lord keeps me strong event through the medication. I have to continue to pray for Mike... he's having a lot of problems and he doesn't know Jesus... he claims to be "agnostic" but i hope that somehow, The Lord will reveal himself to Mike so he can feel better and his life can take the right direction. I will help him as much as possible, but he has to take some steps himself. Other than that not a lot has gone on.  One step at a time... thats all you can do... Fri, 18 Aug 2006 0:00:01 GMT A. New. Chapter. http://www.opendiary.com/entryview.asp?authorcode=D371303&entry=10100   <SCRIPT TYPE="text/javascript" SRC="http://www.brainyquote.com/link/quotelo.js"></SCRIPT> I know there are a lot of entries in here. But i feel the need to start over again. I'm not going to delete those entries, because they are my history. But i'm starting a new part of my life. There have been many changes, ups and downs and i've felt everything a person could possibly feel. So its clean slate time. I felt lost and empty for the past few weeks. But now i feel better ^_^. So its exciting to say that i have a few new "interests" in my life ^_^ . Someone who can make me feel wonderful and i love him for that . A short entry... but a sweet entry... ^_^ Mon, 7 Aug 2006 0:00:01 GMT Getting. Better. All. The. Time. http://www.opendiary.com/entryview.asp?authorcode=D371303&entry=10099   <SCRIPT TYPE="text/javascript" SRC="http://www.brainyquote.com/link/quotelo.js"></SCRIPT> Wow its been a while... a lot has changed but a lot hasn't... I walked away from this year without much pain... Dom was dating Kristen... Chris went back out with Lisa... and i found this great guy named Travis, he's all i could ever hope for he's so nice and treats me so well i understand why i never dated Dom... Travis... is the reason... i did love Dom i'm not going to lie... but i realize that he wasn't someone that could love me the way i need someone to. i feel like everything worked in the end... everything seemed to go right. Yes there were disagreements but that happens. Everything ran its course and thats all you can ask. I can't say i don't regret some of what i idid... cause truly i do... i regret being weak. and that is it... I've moved on and i'm ready to start into something new... Travis is the other half of me. It may be sometime before i write here again... but you know that finally my life has started to get better. Mon, 19 Jun 2006 0:00:01 GMT Never. Ment. To. Be http://www.opendiary.com/entryview.asp?authorcode=D371303&entry=10098   <SCRIPT TYPE="text/javascript" SRC="http://www.brainyquote.com/link/quotelo.js"></SCRIPT> By the time i figure out what it is i want, the chance has passed by, rather quickly if i do say so myself. And it will amaze some people that i have moved on... finally i have moved on to someone else. I'm done with the old, if he wants me back he'll do something about it. Otherwise i don't want anything to do with him. But i shouldn't say i've moved on, I tried to move on, but i hit a wall. "I don't want to hurt you, so right now i can't" and that was it... that was all i had to say and he walked away from me. Why did he have to be so vague... and why then, so early in the new year and he had to say something then. Why then... a few more months and everything would have been fine, but damnit... i don't even know what to say anymore... i just don't know I give up and i hope he finds someone that makes him happy, because apparently i can't... Fri, 31 Mar 2006 0:00:01 GMT I. Feel. Dead http://www.opendiary.com/entryview.asp?authorcode=D371303&entry=10097   <script src="http://www.brainyquote.com/link/quotelo.js" type="text/javascript"></script> i  don't feel bad... i don't feel anything... i want to be happy but i feel sick... but i was happy... but it was a sad happy... can you love more than one person... can you love someone that has treated you like shit for the past 3 years of your life... can you? i don't think i can.... actually i don't think i want to for that matter... i dunno what to think... i really don't... i'm afraid to step off the ledge... but i know i have to... i know it... deep down in the deepest part of me i know i have to... if i don't i will be stuck forever... you can't teach and old dog new tricks... and maybe it will take losing me for him to understand what he had ... i dunno... i don't feel like feeling anymore... i don't want to feel... i feel dead... and never in a million years would i think that "HE" could drag me out of that hole... he's not "my type" he's not what he said i was looking for...  but it just doesn't matter anymore... it feels right... and ... i wanna be happy... but i can't be happy until i'm free... and i don't know if i want to be free... i'm scared... very scared but i think i need to do this... i really do... Tue, 21 Feb 2006 0:00:01 GMT