http://www.opendiary.com/entrylist.asp?authorcode=D528257 A hard life did this to me. http://www.opendiary.com/entryview.asp?authorcode=D528257&entry=10229 http://www.opendiary.com/entryview.asp?authorcode=D528257&entry=10229 <div style="text-align: center;">K, so. I wrote that previous entry in mid June. Then that night I went to work and left my laptop at my boyfriends house. He calls me on break and asks me for the password to my laptop because it had been running slow and he wanted to fix it for me. So I gave him the password, hesitantly. (he never gives me passwords to any of his belongings). So I get out of work at 10:30 and come back to my boyfriends house. I walk through the door to see him sitting on my laptop.... reading through my whole diary. God only knows how much he read.  So I walk in the door after being a good girlfriend and drove my ass in the opposite direction of home to pick him up some mcdonalds, see what hes doing, drop all of my things on the floor and immediately start crying. I have never showed this diary to anyone I know. And even if I were to, it would have been my choice. <br /> <br /> And then he proceeded to question me on my entries. I had said "we were at a crossroads" in my previous one. I started freaking out. Who is he to question me about a sentence in an online diary when in the two and a half years we've been together Ive caught him talking to his ex-girlfriend multiple times after expressing that I was not okay with it. Found him on websites such as Ashleymadison.com (a website dedicated to helping douche bags have affairs) and Adultfriendfinder.com (a website dedicated to helping the whorish and STD-infested find one another) and have dealt with his constant lying. <br /> <br /> By the way, in both of these websites he had written a profile saying he could do whatever he wants with whoever he wants and was looking for somebody to "have a good time" with. Then he went on to specify the size of his penis and the fact that hes circumsized followed by a list of turn-ons. Fucking tool. <br /> <br /> I was shocked that he had the gaul to question me. <br /> <br /> Like we didnt have trust issues before. And then when I got upset he started yelling at me like I had no right to be. <br /> <br /> Needless to say i've carried some resentment from this, and have been terrified to write in here since.<br /> <br /> Ugh. so much more to talk about but Im too emotionally exhausted from thinking about it that I just dont got it in me.<br /> GOSH.<br /> <br />  </div> Mon, 14 Sep 2009 00:00:00 GMT http://www.opendiary.com/entryview.asp?authorcode=D528257&entry=10228 http://www.opendiary.com/entryview.asp?authorcode=D528257&entry=10228 <div style="text-align: center;">I just went back and read a bunch of old entries. And quite honestly, it makes me very sad.<br /> <br /> I was so angry... so confused... Having feelings girls at that age shouldn't be and because of that, I didn't know how to deal with what was going on. I tried so hard to be tough, like a bad ass or something. Something that isn't completely  me. Don't get me wrong... my rage can be pretty brutal but that's not what I'm all about, despite what some of my guy's friends might think. I was a sweet kid who was completely consumed by some puppy dog romance that went bad. Wow, poor me. <br /> <br /> I'm completely different now. Still the bitch I once was but more evolved. I'm still with my boyfriend Blake, we're coming up on two and a half years now. I'm happy. Just as a cross roads, I suppose. <br /> <br /> I don't really talk to anyone anymore. It makes me sad sometimes. I don't have anything in my life that's only mine. You know what I mean? All my friends are Blake's friends. <br /> <br /> Ugh, the old me is a real downer.<br /> <br /> Oh, by the way my little brother's birthday is today! Happy 9th, Robert! LOVE YOU!<br />  </div> Tue, 23 Jun 2009 00:00:00 GMT http://www.opendiary.com/entryview.asp?authorcode=D528257&entry=10227 http://www.opendiary.com/entryview.asp?authorcode=D528257&entry=10227 <div style="text-align: center;">Dude, I just went back and started reading some older entries I've written.<br /> I cannot believe what an angsty little shit head I was. Holy mother of God.<br /> If the "now" me ran into the "then" me.... I would kick my ass.<br /> <br /> How annoying.<br /> <br /> My want to have children has just been depleted. Exponentially. Wow.<br /> <br /> I can't believe my mom let me live, I should buy her a present.<br />  </div> Tue, 23 Jun 2009 00:00:00 GMT http://www.opendiary.com/entryview.asp?authorcode=D528257&entry=10226 http://www.opendiary.com/entryview.asp?authorcode=D528257&entry=10226 <div style="text-align: center;">Dude, I just went back and started reading some older entries I've written.<br /> I cannot believe what an angsty little shit head I was. Holy mother of God.<br /> If the "now" me ran into the "then" me.... I would kick my ass.<br /> <br /> How annoying.<br /> <br /> My want to have children has just been depleted. Exponentially. Wow.<br /> <br /> I can't believe my mom let me live, I should buy her a present.<br />  </div> Tue, 23 Jun 2009 00:00:00 GMT http://www.opendiary.com/entryview.asp?authorcode=D528257&entry=10225 http://www.opendiary.com/entryview.asp?authorcode=D528257&entry=10225 <div style="text-align: center;">Dude, I just went back and started reading some older entries I've written.<br /> I cannot believe what an angsty little shit head I was. Holy mother of God.<br /> If the "now" me ran into the "then" me.... I would kick my ass.<br /> <br /> How annoying.<br /> <br /> My want to have children has just been depleted. Exponentially. Wow.<br /> <br /> I can't believe my mom let me live, I should buy her a present.<br />  </div> Tue, 23 Jun 2009 00:00:00 GMT