Open Diary - Dan Smith

Open Diary - Dan Smith http://www.opendiary.com/entrylist.asp?authorcode=D706795 Dan Smith DVD NOW AVAILABLE!!! http://www.opendiary.com/entryview.asp?authorcode=D706795&entry=10012 Finally, after several years in the biz, my first comedy DVD is out. I'm very proud of it. I'd love it if everyone checked out the trailer.... <a href="http://www.dansmith.com/store.html">http://www.dansmith.com/store.html</a> On my DVD, you not only get an hour of comedy, you also get TWO 1/2 hour documentaries from my trips to Afghanistan and Iraq! They are hysterical. PLUS, there are special features, too! Thank you!!! Visit my site @ <a href="http://www.dansmith.com/">http://www.dansmith.com</a> Fri, 5 Jan 2007 0:00:01 GMT Konichiwa Bitches! http://www.opendiary.com/entryview.asp?authorcode=D706795&entry=10011 Here is the short story of my trip over to Japan for the beginning of my tour.... What a long freakin' trip! First, a 12 hour flight, direct to Narita (Tokyo) on a Korean Air aircraft that was very old. The inside was the old, 2 X 5 X 2 seat format with one big screen in the middle of the cabin. So everyone watched the same screen.......same screen.......12 hours.....ONE movie, the rest was Korean programming (which we could watch, hearing translated in English, yeah!). The movie was 'The Break Up' with Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Anniston. Two or three funny Vince moments; other than that: DOG MEAT. So I spent my time reading, listening to music and trying not to be sick from the Korean Air version of Bi Bim Bop. Landed in Tokyo at 3:00pm, met Dustin (the other comic on the tour) - who seems to be a great guy, by the way (his first tour). Then we hopped a bus (they called it Limo) to Heneda Airport. The bus ride was a little over an hour. From here we waited at the Heneda Airport for about 2 hours before catching our flight to Hiroshima. We finally board, and take out 1 and 1/2 hour flight to Hiroshima.....this flight, interestingly enough, had about 19 babies on it apparently training for the "Scream Olympics". All I ask for is a Diet Coke. Did I ask for a warm Diet Coke? No. But guess what Dan got? I wanted so bad to splash the warm Diet Coke into the faces of the screaming babies.....better yet, into the faces of the parents of the screaming babies. Once in Hiroshima, we went though baggage and met our military escort that would be driving us to base. He was right on time which was nice. What wasn't nice is that the ride to base was another hour and a half. I'm not sure if the driver knew we were exhausted, or of he just got a bonus for going over 95 MPH, but he was cruising nonetheless. Also, I think his understanding of English was of the selected hearing-type. He seemed to understand everything we said EXCEPT, "Can we stop to go to the bathroom?". But it all came to a happy ending when we got to our barracks, where Dustin and I each got our own officers suite where we officially checked in at 10:45pm. I believe that puts my total travel time at about 29 total hours. I went to sleep immediately and got a good 8 hours of sleep. So now I am at the Library at Camp Iwakuni (a Marine Air Base) for about 48 hours. We have our first show tonight, and a day off tomorrow! I will be exploring and introducing Dustin to the infamous 100 Yen store (Like a high end 99cent store). That's all for now. That's some Sake for that ass. Tue, 17 Oct 2006 0:00:01 GMT Comedy Corps http://www.opendiary.com/entryview.asp?authorcode=D706795&entry=10010 Sorry....way too long for a blog. I'm working my butt off to get my company off the ground: The Comedy Corps. We will be providing comedy shows to both stateside and overseas bases. The cover letter can be uploaded from the "Military" page of this site. Please bring us to your base!! Also, My DVD is finally done. You can watch the trailer on the "Store" page, as well as my Myspace page. And of course, you can buy it right on the "Store" page. It's through PayPal which is very secure. The DVD is about 2 HOURS long! An hour of comedy, and two half-hour hysterical documentaries from my trips to Iraq and Afghanistan. You'll see some crazy footage that you'll NEVER see on CNN. Order away! Sat, 12 Aug 2006 0:00:01 GMT Animals http://www.opendiary.com/entryview.asp?authorcode=D706795&entry=10009 On a way to a show a while back, my buddy and I passed by an ostrich farm. For those of you that have seen an ostrich in real life, you know that ostriches are mean fuckin' birds. They spit, kick and all kinds of shit. So I told my friend that I thought I could beat the shit out of one ostrich. He didn't think I could do it....he said they kick a lot. Big deal! All you have to do is give 'em a leg-sweep....and when their little ostrich head comes down you PUNCH them right in the ostrich eye! My friend was debating me, too. He said they have big, heavy wings that they can flap in your face. I said that they are made out of feathers!!! Wha...like I've never been hit with a pillow?!?! Fuck birds! Look...an ostrich has a brain the size of a walnut. I'll be damned if I'm gonna let a walnut sized brain bird get a kick in on me. You know what? Fuck animals. I think I can beat the shit out of any animal on earth!!! Don't think so? E-mail any animal and I'll tell you how I can beat the shit out of them!!!!! In the meantime, enjoy the following pics: <img vspace="0" hspace="0" alt="" src="http://www.comedysmith.com/images/ostrich.JPG" style="width: 192px; height: 145px;" /><img vspace="0" hspace="0" alt="" src="http://www.comedysmith.com/images/IMG_0861_2.JPG" style="width: 200px; height: 149px;" /><img vspace="0" hspace="0" alt="" src="http://www.comedysmith.com/images/camel.JPG" style="width: 219px; height: 165px;" /><img vspace="0" hspace="0" alt="" src="http://www.comedysmith.com/images/IMG_0864_2.JPG" style="width: 268px; height: 200px;" /><img vspace="0" hspace="0" alt="" src="http://www.comedysmith.com/images/IMG_0866_2.JPG" style="width: 266px; height: 197px;" /> Thu, 13 Apr 2006 0:00:01 GMT Pickles Pickles Everywhere! http://www.opendiary.com/entryview.asp?authorcode=D706795&entry=10008 I hate Costco. Where do they get off charging us $45 a year to buy a 50 pound jar of pickles?!?! I mean, if I had a 50 pound jar of pickles, I'd be bringing it where ever I went trying to give away pickles. Not to mention, just two items from that freakin' store will fill up your fridge! Your roomate will come home and be like, "Hey, where's the milk?"....."Sorry dude, I bought a box of 9,000 tequitos and a keg of salsa....I had to throw the milk away". If you shop at Costco, you must have your own family AND a family on the side. Maybe even a whore. Rediculous. Big show coming up this Thursday at the Icehouse Annex. Hope to see a bunch of you there. Also, I found out I'll be at Charlie Goodnight's Comedy Club in Raleigh, NC on St Patty's Day weekend - March 16, 17 and 18. I love that place. Tue, 7 Mar 2006 0:00:01 GMT