Open Diary - half-dead eyes

Open Diary - half-dead eyes http://www.opendiary.com/entrylist.asp?authorcode=D708966 The way the world ends... Write, write, write! http://www.opendiary.com/entryview.asp?authorcode=D708966&entry=10003 It's kind of funny that, after just finishing a seven paragraph essay for English, I'd be in the mood to write even more. :P In case you're wondering (and I know you are!), the essay was for Joseph Conrad's Heart of Darkness. It's a pretty, fucking fantastic book, but if you haven't gotten it from the title, it's very dark. I mean, if you aren't ready to have no hope for mankind, don't read this book. Maybe that's why I liked it so much, Conrad has a lot of the same views as me; not that I even know what my own views are... but that's something else. Anyway, it was a pretty freeform essay where I had to connect my motif, the jungle, to the meaning of the novel as a whole. I actually enjoyed it, even though it took a bit to write and I'm sure I won't do good on it. Anyway... It's about 10:30pm, and I should be going to bed as I do have school tomorrow, but I'm really not tired, and I feel like writing, so the rest of this entry will be pretty random. I think I'll start with my dream from last night. First of all, I usually have some pretty bizarre dreams, and I'll make sure to post more stories of them, but this one was odd in a kind of funny way. It started out with my family and I going through some sort of security check, where we had ID cards we needed to pass through the security. Something was wrong with my ID, so my family went on ahead and I would meet them. However, when I got through, I ended up in supermarket in Japan! I worked there too, but I was bored with the job and, in the dream, the others hated dirty floors so to amuse myself, I would pour oil (like cooking oil) onto the floor and then scurry away before being caught. I don't know why. I remember, as well, that my physics teacher from last year was in the dream, and despite not being Japanese, was the owner of the supermarket. He had a son, who was Japanese, that was on fast pitch team and all the workers played fast pitch in the back room. I also remember being dirt poor, but I'm not sure why. Not that I'm sure why any of that stuff occurred in my dream... I bet Freud would have a killer time analyzing that dream, huh? :P On a sudden change in thought, and with some personal news, my grandmother is in the hospital tonight after her third surgery. She has/had colon cancer, and has gone through two surgeries before this one, plus chemo. She's doing absolutely spectacular today though, and is expected to leave tomorrow, and after three more chemo treatments, she should be all done with this cancer business. I'm sooo happy, because I'd be devastated if my grandcracker died. She has always been such an integral part of my life that even now, as I think of it, I just feel like crying. But everything's good. No reason to be upset! BUT, on the subject, my poor poochie hurt her foot yesterday! D: We don't know what happened, she just came in and would put NO pressure on the foot. :\ I think she sprained one of the toes, because today it is noticeably swollen. We aren't taking her to the vet, though, for another few days because there's no point in bringing her in so early, as she is perfectly okay and functioning otherwise. And... I think I have nothing else to say! But, because I don't want to end this so abruptly, here is a little fact about me: I LOVE diet soda from fastfood restaurants. I'll drive to a McDonalds or whatever just to buy the biggest soda they have. :DDD --Tully Tue, 27 Mar 2007 0:00:01 GMT I love T.S. Eliot! http://www.opendiary.com/entryview.asp?authorcode=D708966&entry=10002 Well, I originally intended to make this entry long and more in depth as to who I am as the author, but I got too busy early in the day, and now I am going out tonight to play some poker (wish me luck!). So, to make this entry not completely useless, I thought I'd share a little bit on how I came to the title of my journal. I got the line from T.S. Eliot's "The Hollow Men", which is easily my favorite poem, and so amazing that it needs no other introduction: <div id="poemText"> <pre>Mistah Kurtz—he dead. A penny for the Old Guy I We are the hollow men We are the stuffed men Leaning together Headpiece filled with straw. Alas! Our dried voices, when We whisper together Are quiet and meaningless As wind in dry grass Or rats’ feet over broken glass In our dry cellar Shape without form, shade without colour, Paralysed force, gesture without motion; Those who have crossed With direct eyes, to death’s other Kingdom Remember us—if at all—not as lost Violent souls, but only As the hollow men The stuffed men. II Eyes I dare not meet in dreams In death’s dream kingdom These do not appear: There, the eyes are Sunlight on a broken column There, is a tree swinging And voices are In the wind’s singing More distant and more solemn Than a fading star. Let me be no nearer In death’s dream kingdom Let me also wear Such deliberate disguises Rat’s coat, crowskin, crossed staves In a field Behaving as the wind behaves No nearer— Not that final meeting In the twilight kingdom III This is the dead land This is cactus land Here the stone images Are raised, here they receive The supplication of a dead man’s hand Under the twinkle of a fading star. Is it like this In death’s other kingdom Waking alone At the hour when we are Trembling with tenderness Lips that would kiss Form prayers to broken stone. IV The eyes are not here There are no eyes here In this valley of dying stars In this hollow valley This broken jaw of our lost kingdoms In this last of meeting places We grope together And avoid speech Gathered on this beach of the tumid river Sightless, unless The eyes reappear As the perpetual star Multifoliate rose Of death’s twilight kingdom The hope only Of empty men. V Here we go round the prickly pear Prickly pear prickly pear Here we go round the prickly pear At five o’clock in the morning. Between the idea And the reality Between the motion And the act Falls the Shadow For Thine is the Kingdom Between the conception And the creation Between the emotion And the response Falls the Shadow Life is very long Between the desire And the spasm Between the potency And the existence Between the essence And the descent Falls the Shadow For Thine is the Kingdom For Thine is Life is For Thine is the This is the way the world ends This is the way the world ends This is the way the world ends Not with a bang but a whimper. </pre> </div>  Sat, 24 Mar 2007 0:00:01 GMT The Best Introduction http://www.opendiary.com/entryview.asp?authorcode=D708966&entry=10001 It's currently 11:13pm and I'm tired, so my first entry will be unfortunately short. However, as you might see my opinion from the title, this is quite the good way to make my appearance because, as anyone who knows me might know, I'm too lazy for my own good. Funny though, I am actually a good student and I want to be a surgeon! Buuut.. more on that later. I thought I'd use my first entry to talk about why I came to opendiary. You see, yesterday, I guess I pissed a general friend off and she decided to hop on here and write all about me. Really quickly I will say that there are few things that piss me off more then when people talk poorly of their friends, and in fact I only found out today of it because I never knew of her journal; another friend informed me. Although denying it, I did obsess over this all day today, even when the friend who talked ill of me was friendly to me, as she apparently got over it all. I can't say I was as pissed as I usually get, as I am also not one to hold grudges and the incident was just but old news to me, but I was obsessed. So, casually, I got the informing friend to tell me the link to the other friend's diary. I read the entry in question, and then decided to read more. This girl has no idea any of her friends read this online diary, so she wrote more openly then she would otherwise, and I was shocked by what she wrote. She is usually such a bubbly person, that it was amazing she wrote so darkly about her life. It made me wonder about all the things people hide under such placid faces, then it made me think about all the things I hide under my exterior. So, I took her idea. Ten minutes ago I was spying on a friend's journal, and now I have started my own. Man, I am so fucking tired. This entry was a lot longer then I thought, and now I go to bed. --Tully   Sat, 24 Mar 2007 0:00:01 GMT