Open Diary - Asylum Queen

Open Diary - Asylum Queen http://www.opendiary.com/entrylist.asp?authorcode=D766055 Diary of an Asylum Queen Ren'ai http://www.opendiary.com/entryview.asp?authorcode=D766055&entry=10036 http://www.opendiary.com/entryview.asp?authorcode=D766055&entry=10036 Ren'ai &nbsp; He arrives with tousled hair and an unshaven face. As he enters the foreign room he remembers, this was once a familiar place. Eagerly she has been watchfully waiting Now breathless she slides onto the bed to keep from fainting. He inches more and more into the dimly lit room Memories of her face and their passion begin to loom Fluorescent lighting flickers about It has been a long farewell reunited&nbsp;their love&nbsp;rekindles without any doubt They glide together in eachothers arms Swaying to the faint music and giving in to its charms Lightly his lips begin to roam She breathes him in and softly whispers welcome home The dancing goes on for a sweet eternity Not phasing them at all There is nowhere else they'd rather be &nbsp; &nbsp; Sun, 8 Mar 2009 00:00:00 GMT Definition please? http://www.opendiary.com/entryview.asp?authorcode=D766055&entry=10033 http://www.opendiary.com/entryview.asp?authorcode=D766055&entry=10033 What defines us all? Many people believe they don't really know themselves until they find the one person that makes them who they are. Does that person really define who we are or is it that we have&nbsp;no motivation to be ourselves until someone comes along and brings it out of us. Like a blank canvas waiting for a masterpiece only created by an artist. Do we spend most of our time looking for our artist instead of finding who we really are? Should we really count on someone else to define us? I found myself in a relationship last year that brought alot of insight to me about who I really am. Does that mean this guy defined me? I carried many hobbies, ideas, and unique qualities away from that relationship that I never knew I had. Now I am happily married to a wonderful person but I no longer feel defined. Those things I carried with me are still there. I feel them deep down and occasionally they emerge from the depths of my confused brain. But they are no longer bubbling at the surface. Should I&nbsp; really be blaming my significant other for this though? Should any of us rely on a significant other to make us who we are? Sometimes when you feel so alive and open in one relationship you start to expect every relationship to be the same or greater. But I believe from my own experience that just because the other person doesn't bring out who you are does not mean its not a great relationship. Maybe it just means you are there bring out who they are. Ryan did it for me and now I plan to do it for Michael. Maybe I will find another little peice of myself in the process. Life is a beautiful, twisted, and confusing thing. Thu, 8 Jan 2009 00:00:00 GMT Rules of the heart http://www.opendiary.com/entryview.asp?authorcode=D766055&entry=10031 http://www.opendiary.com/entryview.asp?authorcode=D766055&entry=10031 Erase the distractions that illuminate my eyes because with them I only procrastinate furthermore ruining my life. Take away the heartache that slowly kills because having it restrains me I no longer have life or its thrills puncture the loneliness and drain all of the hurt because along with this loneliness comes rejection which in turn makes me feel like dirt Love all of my cares away and please dont ever lie because with that lie comes tears that slowly wash you out of my life. and when you are gone i will still sit there and cry. Listen with your heart and not just your mind because with your heart you will feel my pain. and it is then you will learn to be kind &nbsp; &nbsp; Wed, 3 Dec 2008 00:00:00 GMT Memory of a heart http://www.opendiary.com/entryview.asp?authorcode=D766055&entry=10030 http://www.opendiary.com/entryview.asp?authorcode=D766055&entry=10030 My heart remembers what my brain tries to forget. My heart remembers everything I regret. My heart remembers the tears I have shed. Because I have buried the memories deep inside my head. My heart remembers the love that he gave. Because my brain remembers how he hurt me that day. My heart remembers the ones that have past. Because I told my brain the pain wouldnt last. My heart remembers how it felt. When it didn't save him. The safety belt. My heart remembers the good and the bad. Because my brain erases the memories I once had. There is no escape from the pain of this earth. So live life with everything it is worth. So now that you know the heart remembers. Make it HAPPY! Wed, 3 Dec 2008 00:00:00 GMT Trying to feel good never felt so bad. http://www.opendiary.com/entryview.asp?authorcode=D766055&entry=10029 http://www.opendiary.com/entryview.asp?authorcode=D766055&entry=10029 Sometimes We struggle so hard to hold on to the past that we forget how great our future could be. It is difficult when you begin a new relationship with someone you want so hard to care about when all you can do is wish everything you felt with them was just like everything you felt with the person before.&nbsp; I have to learn to get past my pain and my missed memories with other people and quit punishing the people who care about me now. It is easier said than done. I find myself wishing it was the same some times and it puts a strain on the relationship Im trying to build now. This love is just coming along a little harder than my first love did and I just have to get it in my head that not all relationships start off perfectly and it is nothing like the movies,Although my first love felt like the perfect movie romance. I never really got any closure from the relationship before and I still care about him deeply. I miss the friendship we had most of all. The romance part came second to our friendship and it was wonderful and amazing and the best thing I could have ever asked for. So I guess it came as a surprise to me when he suddenly never wanted to see or talk to me again. He wouldnt talk things out with me and it destroyed me. I don't even know if he ever thinks about me or still cares. It hurts when you lose someone so close and its worse when they won't allow closure. But I have to get past it and focus on the relationship at hand. Pray for me. Wed, 19 Nov 2008 00:00:00 GMT