http://www.opendiary.com/entrylist.asp?authorcode=D831225 Welcome to my thoughts http://www.opendiary.com/entryview.asp?authorcode=D831225&entry=10002 http://www.opendiary.com/entryview.asp?authorcode=D831225&entry=10002 <p>This place is physically and mentally draining; it's so far out of my comfort zone that it makes me uneasy. At first I thought that it would be a terrific idea and that maybe it would be a new beginning to what had been a rough couple of years. Unexpectedly though he came along and turned my world upside down.</p> <p>It's funny what we find when we are not looking at all, or even while we are avoiding it. All I wanted was to have a good time and have some great sex. My girlfriends warned me so many times and told me how I was turning into the "girlfriend type", but I was in denial and then he snuck up on me. After my relationship of almost four years had ended messy and with a lot of dishonesty, followed by the worst rebound fling ever, I promised myself that I would avoid a real relationship at all costs. This promise of mine has probably brought a lot of trouble to my relationship already because I broke up with him as soon as we got serious, hooked up with someone else, and then we rekindled our relationship after a lot of talking. I was purposely messing things up with not only him, but every guy who had attempted to date me before that.</p> <p>I thought that this year would bring me a lot of clarity and relax me more. Although I am learning more about myself throughout the time I've spent here, I have never felt lonelier. It seems to have brought me closer to my boyfriend because we are pushing through it, but it has torn friendships apart that I thought was stronger. People who you think will be there with you through thick and thin will end up leaving you at the worst times when you could use them the most. The one person who I've learnt a lot about is my mother. It's hard to tell sometimes if she really cares or if she's just putting up with us most of the time. She will be completely normal and then freak out a moment later. I got my own place when I was a young teen and graduated high school by myself and worked full time while she went and ran off with her new husband... and finally came to live with her because she promised to help me with my first year of college. Little did I know that she would continuously attempt to use that against me in every argument that arises. What appeared to be a great idea, turned out to be a facade. </p> <p>It's hard to tell who you can trust and who you can't. It sometimes can be a guessing game but I guess sometimes it's worth it. I've had too many run ins with people who really don't mean well at all and they end up stabbing you in the back when you are not looking. I have a low tolerance for bullshit and maybe I can be a bit of a bitch. You can only take so much before you can't take anymore and I think that we tolerate too much because we are too afraid to confront other people. And no I'm not saying that we should go up to every person who makes us angry and tear them up from head-to-toe, I just think that people need to be more honest and there wouldn't be so much conflict. Too many people jump right to the defensive or offensive mode instead of responding and listening like an adult should.</p> <p>The worst thing about being in a long distance relationship and only seeing your significant other 2-3 weekends a month is that you are sex deprived. I have a very high sex drive and it's very hard to wait so long, but it's twice as good when you finally get there. The good thing though is that the school year is almost over and then I can finally move back home. It's almost crazy that we've already made it this far and it makes me grateful. Being far apart this long may be difficult but it brings you a lot of reassurance that your relationship might finally be successful. The long school breaks are very nice but they make it very hard to get back to the grind. I really didn't want to leave once I was there for a few days, and it's almost physically painful when he asked me not to leave. The thing is though that he never asked me to stay before the school year started. To tell the truth, I didn't think that we would make it past three months because my past relationship experiences weren't very good. Maybe things work out for the best even if it's not how we expect...</p> Mar, 31 201 2011 00:00:00 GMT http://www.opendiary.com/entryview.asp?authorcode=D831225&entry=10001 http://www.opendiary.com/entryview.asp?authorcode=D831225&entry=10001 <p>   So I am currently taking a course in college on interpersonal communication skills. The funny thing that they say about communication though is that it leaves us interdependent on other people and that we have a basic social need that demands we seek out communication with other people in order to be fulfilled. The funny thing about that is that so many people are so set on the fact that they don't need anyone to be happy and they are fine on their own, I have been one of those people. Are people so insecure with themselves that we convince ourselves that we are awesome by ourselves to boost our own self esteem when in reality we need others just to survive?</p> <p>   The communication course that's included in this program has brought many relationships into consideration and into a new light. It's funny because our perceptions which we assume others hold as well can be completely wrong and destroy a relationship. It's our assumptions and what we hold back that damages us in the long run. There are other people too who stay in relationships just because they are convenient, I have also been one of those, and it's completely unhealthy. At what point is the breaking point? I know that everyone has one, but what is someone's average breaking point and what is pushing it too far? How do we let it get that far to begin with? Maybe our own insecurities cause us to make the irrational decisions that turn us to those situations.</p> <p>   Relationships are probably one of the hardest things to figure out in life, and one of the things we crave and avoid at the same time. having a relationship with another person leaves you vulnerable to all kinds of pain and can either be disastrous or greatly rewarding, but if we don't allow ourselves to trust another person enough to let them in that experience may never become a reality. While avoiding relationships may build a protective wall around you so that you never get hurt, you will never get the benefits either.</p> Mar, 30 201 2011 00:00:00 GMT