"That's life. If nothing else, its life.
It's real, and sometimes it fuckin' hurts,
but it's sort of all we have."
~Sam(Natalie Portman), Garden State
My greatest neurosis is the fact that unless who I am and what I do are exactly how I envison them to be(if they are not perfect), I feel unworthy...It is the reason that causes me to hyperventilate when I make a mistake in my writing and start again from the beginning(even if it is only a grocery list)...and why I spend hours editing and analyzing everything in my life...Without someone who loves me unconditionally, I fall apart because its their reassurance that keeps me from beating myself up over things that, logically, I know I have no power over, but mentally, I think I should...Therefore I rely on others to keep me in check and to remind me that perfection is impossible but the way I am is still lovable...I still have yet to find someone who is willing to accept these more difficult aspects of my personality...I cant say that I'm a perfectionist... but its something like that and I take it personally when I cant make things right, as I see them...I become obsessive and cant not help but look into every possible area to fix things which are not fixable...
My Passion is my Un-Reason...
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