"One must have chaos in one's life in order to give birth to a dancing star."  ~Friedrich Nietzche

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I've been fooling myself for a long time now but I'm putting a stop to the foolishness.  I'm 31 years old and I'm overweight fat.  I never liked using the word 'fat' because more often than not, it always conjured up feelings of disgust, disappointment and failure so I opted for more p.c. terms like 'pleasantly plump' or 'chunky' or 'chubby'.  In retrospect, these words softened the blow to the reality of me being fat thus keeping me in the friendly Neighbourhood of Denial.  Don't get me wrong, I don't hate myself, no no, in fact I know I love myself a great deal (mild case of vanity here...ask my best friend), I just hate how I'm fat.  Ech.  I hate that word.

I stand at 5'1" and I weigh in at 188 168 pounds.  Fat.  There isn't anything 'overweight' about me.  I've tried and failed and tried and tried and failed again to lose weight but to no avail.  The most I've ever lost was 10 pounds on the 'no carb' diet trend and even though it was only 10 pounds, I felt good about it and people noticed.  Yeah well, that didn't last for very long so here I am once again, hopefully for the final time, on my umpteenth weight loss self-challenge looking to lose more than 10 pounds.  Try 63 43.

This is it.  I can't do 'fat' anymore.  I'm starting to feel just how fat I am and I'm not liking it...at all.  And now that I'm 31?  I'm only destined to bloat up fatten up even more because doctors and nutritionists and scientists say my metabolism is slowing down.  F*ck me.   Nope, this has to stop.  I'm going to be truthful in my writing.  No crap, no bull, just a straight up "f*ck me if I'm going to be fat in my 30s" weight loss personal journal.  I'd like for you to come along for the ride, if it pleases you, only because I know you're going through the same thing and 'strength in numbers' just makes too much sense.  I vow to keep you on your game even if you forget to keep me on mine.  It's time Queens and Kings. 

WE WILL DO THIS!

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05.11.2006 - 165 lbs

04.03.2006 - 168 lbs - 20 pounds lost

 10.28.2005 - 188 lbs