I have bipolar 2 disorder. I'm 20 years old. I take medication and will for the rest of my life. I see a therapist. I'm in a loving and comited relationship. I get anxious and stressed really easily.
I don't know what to say... that sort of stresses me out too.
Currently I'm taking psychology and am in my first year of university. One day I want to be a psychologist and understand why I am this way. And I hope that if I succeed I can help other people too.
This is not a diary I fill out when I am happy, or content. Sorry I can't offer you any rainbows and unicorns, but I do like to talk to people and find new ways of looking at things. I probably won't be able to understand you, or what you need, but if you want, I will try. I like human beings. We are all so fragile. Tomorrow I might be bitten by a tiny bug and killed, or eat the wrong food and screw up my liver. And that is sort of amazing. Because there's so many people in the world despite the fact that we can break at any moment. And everyone knows that today might be their last day, but they keep going anyway.
I've given up on life before, but at the last moment found myself in a hospital. Suicide is more painful than you might expect. Don't try it, it's not a door to the next great adventure, or freedom from pain - it's just death and that last moment where you know you could have given life one more chance. I don't want anyone to go through what I did, I don't want anyone to experience any worse either. I think that if 7 billion people can be alive despite how broken and fragile we are then that is pretty damn awesome, and we can be strong and live and empower others even if it's difficult sometimes.
I have screwed things up so many times, but I am still here. Someone, decided that I would live and I owe it to them to keep striving to improve myself. I always think I can be better. Sometimes that might be bad, but right now it's the right road for me.
I'm putting my faith in God and my mind in Science because I think I need both to figure things out. I don't like people who say that their God can give you everything you need or people who say God is silly and Atheism is the only intelligent choice. There can be more than one right answer. I like people who figure things out for themselves, with their heads and their feelings, and if they should need God's help, or science to do so then that's fine - as long as they don't put down people who have different beliefs.
I'm trying to work on being more accepting while not being a push over, it is a difficult balance to make. The point is that I'm trying my best though.
This is my journey, good luck on yours.