Millions of Stars

I looked out the window 
This night, to see the 
Stars which were spread 
Across the sky.

I imagined each was a tear
I had shed for you, a tiny
Note of how much you meant 
To me. 

I said a prayer, not a very
Long one. I figured God had
More important things to do 
Than to hear how much I miss you.

Yet here I sit, staring, waiting
For some reply. And yet here they 
Are, those small frigid tears, 
Traitorously slipping from my eyes. 

I have tried not to sit here,
And cry myself to sleep. 
I have tried not to miss you,
But my heart still breaks. 

I guess the pain and hate I 
Could have felt, did feel before
They mean nothing with the 
Longing for you in my heart.

I guess for this night, God
Has told me I am not ready
For a reply from you. 
I must first heal.

In my mind I refuse to believe 
That you are even gone. 
It isn't right. So young. 
Not even yet fifty. 

Your heart took all it could
And God told you child it is time. 
Time for rest and time for peace.
He forgot, we needed you. 

There were differences, pains. 
There was anger, tears. 
But there was love, a 
Small child who longed. 

I guess I longed for some 
Time. Each time the same. 
Did you love me? I often wonder.
Yes I have concluded. 

Did I cross your mind as you
Slipped from here to beyond?
I'd like to think yes. 
It comforts me, I hope I comforted you. 

I love you. 
I miss you. 
Time will never heal the hole that's left
But with me, Mother you will always be. 

So with these stars
I send a prayer. I ask
Of your forgiveness.
And I give you mine. 

We can not change the past
But I can look toward my future. 
And remember you with a light heart. 
For now, the weight has been lifted