Sitting here contemplating how life could just be cruel. Or that freak accidents happen that take the lives of great people. Is that how life works? Now God is a merciful man and I do believe that everything happens for a reason, but that does not stop me from being sad about it.

In some ways it feels like I've been trying to cope with life without my Dad forever, and in other ways it feels like he just left us yesterday. It's not the celebrity stuff I miss about Dad right now..it's the simple things: being able to pick up the phone and hear his voice, holding his hand, feeling his familiar hug enfolding me, hearing him call me by the little nicknames only he called me. Those are the things I miss on a day like today. I had some great memories with him, and its so hard to think that that is all they will ever be...just memories of those days. No more to add.

My Dad was not only a great man and amazing influence on the rest of the world, he was a great Dad. He had such a strong but gentle spirit. He always acted like a tough guy, but crack that thin exterior and he was just absolutely full of compassion and love...he was always helping those that were less fortunate, always a big ball of mush for "his babies" -- his children. He was always laughing, always smiling, always quick to crack a joke and laugh along with you. He was so full of life, it's hard to imagine that somehow, that incredible life inside of him that reached the world and touched all his loved ones wasn't enough to sustain his ailing heart.

I think of my sister, who was so full of life and compassion for everyone she came in contact with. She loved to dance and dad called her his favorite little dancer. Dying how she did and finally understanding her death, does not help the pain. In all honesty it worsens it for me. That someone with that much heart is gone. She was more of a mother figure than a sister and that she gave such good advice when I needed it. She was always upbeat and was the glue that was keeping the family together after Dad died. Then her death suddenly made us --his children -- step up together and really be each other's rock.

My uncle was a simple man and one with such a stubbornality that although his passing was not an inital shock, it was an eye opener into his world. I finally knew him better after his death that  I never knew about him when he was on Earth. He was such a happy go lucky man who needed nothing more than a friendly hello and he was content. His way of life, though simple, lacked nothing. Such a great man in his own right, he was so full of strength that I do not think the world saw until his death.

Kiana Grace & Leilani Christine were such precious angels that I believe would have stubborn fighters that let nothing stand in their ways. I am blessed to have them as long as I did, and they will always be missed. Two more that I must try to cope without...

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