wow, I have not wrote on here in a long time, but I feel its time I did.
I think I lost my cellphone yesteday, it rings 3 times consitantly, but I'm not sure if that means its still charged, or that its off. I'm not sure, I'm glad I got insurance on it, so that it won't be so expensive to replace it. I really didn't want to spend that money on it, cause i'm kinda behind on budget. All the bills paid, except for the cable , in which I usualy just pay what I owe to get the internet turned back on. Which is what I use the most.
yesterday, while working for the church I got a phone call from my boss about the sound system. See, I had previously emailed him about the other speaker going out, and informing him that the first speaker that broke , was out and that it has yet to my knowlege been repaired. I later then come to find out from him, that in that enviorment, I am to ride the technician to come fix that speaker. This iritated me, and then at the same time the technician seemed to be upset that I told my boss that he has yet to fix the issue. I'mn not gonna lie on his behalf, even if it costs me this job. I already don't want to be working there, I don't think I could see myself being a sound engineer ever again for a church for the rest of my life. Black churches for that matter, the politics are just to great, and the respect for the craft is way to little.
It's time for me to move on, but I am thankfull that I am not making the same mistake that I used to at the last church I worked at, and that was that I didn't take time to try to get internships at studios around the city and realy get my career started in post productioin and studio recording, which is what my true passions are. I feel like I have what it takes, but with no support system , it is trying to get me down and beat me up. I don't not like this, but I'm ok with it , I did my best to not expect the same mess to happen here as it did the other church. Good thing is that I have experience with it and its not as of a severe emotional effect as it was the first go round so its cool.
They can't kill me, and they won't break my spirit this time if they fire me. The worst that ministry can do to me is fire me and take away my income. Thats its, and to be honest, I'm not really that afraid of that.
It's time for me to start to work on my personal realtionship with god anywhere, for I am full aware, that theres gonna be mess and issues at any church, honestly I would rather not know, but at the same time, I believe that if I can build up my personal realtionship god, and bring it to a higher level, I believe I will be better off. No church can provide that no matter how great the message is, or how many people go to it. Nobody one is better equiped to help you with your own personal relaitonship then god.
Church is great, but its not the center of the relationship I have. To me the church is no different then the world, and easily, I can make the mistake sometimes to espect better because its the church. Currently, thats not my expectation right now. I've healed alot from when they fired me at the old church, but further healing can not take place untill two things happen, I improve my personal relationship with god, and two that I attend a church where I am not expected to perform to a certain degree. I wanna loose myself in worship when I go, I wanna make good freinds, and not be to busy for things like I am now. It's time to move on, and will deal with this situation with grace and joy that it is ending soon, and I'll be moving on. That I am thankful for.
Well, thats on my heart and mind, its to much for me to go back and write about all my dreams and things I've felt in my heart, ... why are there always bugs coming into my crib? lol anyway, I'm gonna get back writting again. On here. And move forward.. Thats whats up.
Oh and I got a mac now! woohoo