|Better Than Yesterday|
Thanks for all you've done
-Alter Bridge, "In Loving Memory"
I'm not exactly sure why this week of all weeks, I've been thinking so heavily of my father. I know that after five + years, some people would be able to go quite a while without a tear, but I've gone three straight days stepping away from my desk and losing it. Even a couple of weeks ago on what would have been his 67th birthday, I was more or less in a celebratory mood. Yet, lately, it feels like he died over and over again.
I think of so many things that I'm trying to make better and as they fall by the wayside, his face keep appearing. Then I figured it out. I've been wondering what he would do if he was me. Wondering what would have happened if he was still alive. Would I have struggled so much at Babson? Would I be as close to my family as I am now? Would I have came back to New York after graduating? Hell, would I have even gone to California?
I dared to ask myself the question "what would I want most in the world right now?" The job, the continued relationship, the palm trees and 70-degree temps, the family visits, the freedom? All of those things, sure. I'd kill just to have one more day with him. He was probably the only person that could ensure that things would be okay without saying a word.
Miss Him Terribly