|Never give up hope!|
Wow. What a day!
I went to coffee with the church ladies this morning. I wasn't going to go because Dawn and Connie were both going to be gone, and they are my rides when it is snowy. Around 7 last night, Dawn changed her plans and decided to go. :) That means I could ride with her--woohoo! I slept really well last night compared to the last few weeks, when I've been up almost all night and only gotten a few hours of sleep after my 7:30 dose of medicine. I woke up with a migraine, though. I took a Maxalt and hoped it would kick in. It didn't take the migraine away totally, but dulled it enough so that I could go to coffee and enjoy it. :)
I came home and ate some lunch. I spent a few hours on the computer, going through my e-mails and such. I had planned to stay awake until 3:30, take my medicine, and then take a nap. I couldn't do it! I was soooo tired. Around 1:45 I took my glasses up, covered up with my quilt, and snuggled up for a nap. I set my alarm on my phone for 3:30. I slept from a little after 2 until 3:30! I thought that my alarm was set to vibrate, but apparently not. It scared me so badly when it went off--the music was so loud! AND I had earplugs in...
I got up and got some tea and took all my medicine. I checked a few e-mails and then decided that I was going to lay back down and try to sleep some more! Holy cow. I slept from 4 until 6:45! Do you see what I just said? That means that I slept OVER 4 hours this afternoon! Wow... I guess I needed it, but that's crazy. I sure hope I can sleep tonight. Oddly enough, I feel pretty tired right now.
Yesterday I had physical therapy. I hadn't gone in 3 weeks, so I was a bit nervous. I just wasn't sure what the PT would think. I still feel so incredibly weak. When I do the exercises with the weights, my arms shake. When I do some of the leg exercises, my legs are shaky. I thought that by now, I'd be strong enough to not be so shaky.
Apparently, I'm doing really well. I have to stop and remember that for many many years, the most I could do for exercise was a bit of walking (because of my back problems). And then since May 2010, I have been in my bed 95% of the time. Day and night. And the absolute most 'exercise' I get is when I tag along to Walmart to get some things I need. It's not so easy to remember that. I just want to be strong and healthy and 'better'... but it doesn't happen that fast. This is a process that will take months at least.
I am doing really well, though, with the exercises. I was doing so well with the resistance band things that he had to go get stronger ones for me to use! I was only at PT for about 25 minutes yesterday... that isn't a large amount of time. When I woke up this morning, my calves and my upper arms were SOOOO sore! This is the GOOD pain, though.
There are several different types of pain or reasons for pain. Obviously the most common is if you have an injury. You slice your finger with a knife, and you feel pain. That's good, or you may not realize you had been cut. But that pain heals as the injury heals.
Then there's what I see as the worst type of pain--chronic pain, like my neuropathic pain. That is when there is no longer an injury, but the brain keeps sending these signals that there is pain, even though there shouldn't be. Misfiring nerves that all goes back to the messages being sent in the brain... that's horrible, because it doesn't go away or get better. :(
THEN there is the GOOD pain. :) The pain from PT. My arms especially are so sore... but it is GOOD. It means I am building strength, building muscle... I am getting stronger! Sure, it hurts... but as I get stronger, it won't hurt as much. Someday my body will be strong enough that maybe I will be able to sit up all day instead of lay in bed. Who knows, maybe one day I will be able to sit up at a desk and work. Right now, sitting up for 30 minutes is exhausting and it wears me out. There is no way I could hold down a job if I can't even sit for more than 30 minutes. When I go to Bible study or out for coffee, sitting up is soooo tough. Thankfully it is not an every day thing--my body couldn't handle that yet.
Here's to hoping for some more good pain and getting stronger and stronger each day. :)
Yesterday after PT, my mom and I went to Walmart. I had a few things I needed to get (like a 1st birthday card and some other stuff).
This week, I had some drama regarding slippers. See, I HAVE to wear slippers 24/7 (well, I obviously take them off to put shoes on to leave the house). It's a combination of two things. First, my feet are always cold. The nerve damage adds to that, and just socks are not warm enough. Second, I need the slippers to protect my feet. I need the hard sole. I need cushion in case a cat steps on my toes (they have claws! ouch!). I need something to protect my feet if I step on a piece of cat food. See, because of the neuropathy, my feet are incredibly sensitive. Air from a fan is so painful. Water running over my feet is so painful. Touching my feet lightly is so painful. Slippers help keep my feet from getting too hurt from every day activities.
I usually go through one pair of slippers a week. They are $6, so that's $24 a month--at least.
There are two ways I 'ruin' my slippers. First, I walk (especially with my right foot) on the outer edge of my feet. I can't put pressure on my toes... so I walk on my heels and on the outsides of my feet. That means that within a week, my new pair of slippers is ruined because the whole thing is deformed.
The second has to do with my toes not being able to move. I can't wiggle them--they are basically dead weight. After time (usually a week), my toes have created these ruts (for lack of a better word) where they lay. Flip flops do this, so I imagine most people can figure out what I mean. You can see indents where you toes go. The problem isn't so much the indents--it's the 'wall' that forms at the tips of where my toes go. Pretty soon, with every step, my toes are being rammed into this wall of sorts. SO PAINFUL! My toes are the most sensitive part of my feet.
Like I said, a pair of slippers used to last a week... sometimes more. One day this week, I switched to a new pair of slippers. Not even 24 hours later, they were already deformed. :(
I haven't figured out a solution yet. I don't know what the answer is. I can't spend $360 a month to go through one pair of slippers every single day.
I am on my last pair, so while at Walmart, I planned to get a few more pair. I am trying to come up with a different solution--but I need to protect my feet in the meantime. Even if that means going through a pair every two days.
We went to get slippers, and they are ALREADY getting rid of them. The specific kind of slippers that I wear are only sold in the winter. I have to have a back on my slippers. I wear men's slippers because they are wider and easier on my toes. I wear a size small in mens. AND THEY WERE GETTING RID OF ALL OF THEM! Agh! It is SO hard to find slippers in the summer.... and it isn't even summer yet. :(
We ended up getting like 20-30 pair of slippers. I got all the size small slippers that were left (5-7 pair, I think). Then I got all the mediums that they had, even though they are too big (thinking it is better than nothing). Then we got these adjustable slippers that were a different style.
The GOOD news is that they were all on clearance. The slippers that are usually $6 were $2. The slippers that are usually $15 were $5. I still spent almost $100 on slippers. And this supply won't even last through the summer. I am sure I will run out before they all come back in stock--IF they do. The lady at Walmart was telling someone else that they are getting all new merchandise in the shoe department and that's why everything was on clearance and the shelves were empty. So if they ever bring these back, it probably won't be until late fall. :(
SO frustrating. I am thankful that I have this stockpile of slippers... and that they were on clearance... but they aren't going to last long. A normal person would have almost a lifetime supply with this many slippers. It will hardly last me a few months.
It is crazy what kinds of things shake up your world when you are dealing with chronic pain or illness. Never in my life did I think that slippers would be such a huge deal and that I would worry myself sick over not being able to find some! Ugh.
I am reading a really good book right now, but I am so eager to finish it. Amazon has a gold box deal each day where a product is really cheap. Guess what today's deal was? Three of Karen Kingsbury's books were 80% off! It is a series and the fourth book is coming out soon, so the first three were the deal today. I was THRILLED! I hadn't read them and didn't own them. Each book was around $13-15 and they were all 3 on sale for $2.99. That means I got all 3 for less than one would cost! WOOHOO!!!!!!!!!!! Karen Kingsbury is my FAVORITE author... so I was so so so happy about this. :) Now I just want to get this book read so I can start on these. :)
Hey, I have to find joy in the little things... there's not too many good big things that happen... so all the little things add up. :)
I am going to stop writing now and go check out blogs so I can get to bed at a decent time. I can't believe I am still tired after sleeping so long--but I am! :)