Loooovvvveeerrrssss~

So forgot to mention I'm going down the Virginia tonight... *nods* yeah you heard me, I'm from Jersey going to Virginia tonight after work.

Story: So for Cara's boyfriends birthday we are going to Bush Gardens for a fun weekend! 6 of us (Niqui, Karl, Waldo, Andy and *slight groan* Quirk), are going down from Jersey tonight, taking 2 cars down! Guess who's one of the lucky drivers? This girl. (-_-)'

I said I'd drive only because I definitely don't want Waldo driving down, since last time I drove with him, I woke up the next morning to him no where to be found and I had to get a ride from another friend home... (o___o)

But yay Bush Gardens! Should be interesting! Plus we're gonna party like it's his birthday... because it is... America. (Andy's slogan of choice)

I do love my friends, they're very fun individuals, all but Quirk that is. I do now just dread being around him because of the awkward attention that he tends to give me, usual borderline inappropriate and usually annoying. I think because of our rocky past, this does not help... but I will be avoiding him as much as humanly possible.

The other thing that always hangs in the back of my mind is the whole will I have a Monster episode during this time period? Last time I stayed over night was Atlantic City for Jamie's BDay... which I left right before my mood started to turn for the worst, though I could feel it bubbling the whole morning. I stayed as calm as possible, though I did have to go to the bathroom during breakfast the next morning so I wouldn't completely freak out at the table.

Anything can set me off and that's really scary... Fuck... I just, you know, I just want some sort of diagnosis to help me with this... I mean, just not know anything has been destroying me. I just want something to go off of... just anything.

//sigh//

what was I talking about?

I hope I don't fall asleep while trying tonight haha... need lotsa coffee and loud music.

Oh if anyone is interested I posted a preview video of me playing and singing Dear You, I learned this part in less then an hour, so I got excited and posted it on youtube haha!

In news: I want to give my opinion about the video of the kids bullying the older bus monitor lady that was posted on YT... if you haven't seen this video yet, it's pretty disturbing.

These are the reasons why I love YT, because news like this gets around quickly and matters can be taken into hand, etc. I cannot believe that bullying still goes on like this... it's disgusting and I don't understand why this sort of thing to this degree occurs as often as it does! WHY?!

How is this not being stopped? How are people letting this sort of thing just pass by like it's a normal thing to do? It's horrible and it makes me really have not much hope for the growing population of kids now a days... but at least there are a lot of good humans out there that want to help her...

It makes me think what is not being taught to these kids in regards to respecting others? It boggles my mind.

Something seems to be vastly wrong with the structure of our society if people are just getting worse and worse. Are we really not involving as a species anymore? What is going ON HERE?

For me at least, growing up I really was genuinely nice to everyone. No matter if they were different, weird, nice or mean... I still held my standard of everyone being an individual human being and trying to always find the good in people. It was on very rare occasions that I would judge people straight up based on a tiny bit of information I had, but those cases were usually because someone was being rude and/or mean toward another person, something along those lines...

So I guess generally I find it really hard to understand things like this, you know? Why people in coldness just do things to intentionally hurt someone else's feelings to feel "cool" or "look tough"...

*sad face*

On something, well I guess it's related: Someone who I had been talking to every so often on Roosterteeth.com had confessed to me that he would have killed himself if it weren't for my "niceness" toward him in the past 2 months.

I was, well, shocked. I really was. I mean, I'm just the type of person to be super nice toward everyone because I just am I guess. But it did touch me, since he sent me a really long message explaining it too. "It's people like you that make me believe in the human race" (He was also referring to my world in disaster relief I believe)

...so again, I was shocked. Certainly happy he didn't do anything like that either... so, yeah, I guess I should reach out more and just spread the joy of nice to more people. People need it, people want to hear that others do, indeed, care about them... just a tiny bit if anything. No matter who it is...

So... yeah. I guess I'll end there!

Waiting for an echo... Ashita e...

sayounara... ano asa ni kaeritai... watashi wa koko ni iru yo... kokoro ga zutto nihon de nokotterunda... yappari yukionna nanda...