Simon and I had a fight. It's been brewing for a while.

SInce i last wrote so much has happened. here's a run down

-Social services kept poking their noses in, checking that the girls aren' 'at risk' because of my past mental health problems (being diagnosed with a personality disorder that murderers have)

-Insomnia taking a massive hold on my life and me having to give in and go to see my GP

-Being put back on Prozac. great. just what i always wanted

-Giving in and being put back on sleeping pills

-The girls going on the at risk register

-A brief spell in the mother and baby unit with Eliza whilst Lissa stayed with mum and simon went out of town on business.

-Eliza also going to stay with mum while i was admitted to the nut house

- Me being discharged from the nuthouse and the kids coming home with me

-life got back to normal when simon came home

THEN last night Simon came home and Larissa had drawn on the wall, i was washing it off. he'd had a bad day. he shouted at larissa, then shouted at me and said that if she'd drawn on the wall she didn't deserve to have any toys and that i should take them off her. Larissa was screaming at this point. which woke Eliza, who also screamed. He stormed out and went to the pub.

I calmed Larissa down until she was quietly sobbing, then got Eliza back to sleep. Then Lissa cuddled up with me on the sofa and cried ehrself to sleep. I was so pissed at him. he was really drunk when he got in. he didn't go to work today. said he had a migraine. When i got up and got Eliza and Larissa ready to go into town he was playing on the playstation. Eliza started crying (poor baby's teething), Larissa dropped her juice. So i took Eliza into Simon, and sat her on him. then i cleared up the juice and he asked me what was wrong.

SO i told him that he over reacted last night. then he said he was sorry etc. so fin. I took the girls into town nd i met up with a friend. I got home, i got him a new pair pf trousers in town and a new shirt and tie. they were fine. I got Larissa a new swimming costume, it's really cute. it's bright pink with yellow flowers and hearts on it. He took one look at that and then looked at me. his precise words were 'are you trying to make our daughter look like a tramp', i was like 'what? she's only a fucking baby'

Then he went on to say how he should've know better than to marry a 'fucking psychopath' and that  i was a bad mother, that i let the girls get away with anything. i don't he brought up the drawing on the wall incident. when she did that i made her sit on the sofa and not move, the tv was off. and she did as she was told. i told him that she's a toddler, that he acts like more of a child than she does and he really screamed in my face. he was hurling abuse at me. then he stormed out. I was shocked. I calmed the girls down. then packed a case. while i was packing he re-appeared. asked what i was doing. i said i was going to mums and taking the girls with me. he said she was sorry. he was out of order blah blah blah. I put the case in the jeep and belted the girls in. I told him not to contact me until monday when he's figured out what he really wants out of this family, i also reminded him that under care of a dr for my depression and that social services are keeping an eye on me and if they thought i was a bad mother the girls would have been taken off me by now.

So ye, i'm at mums. the girls are asleep. mums waiting for me in the living room with a bottle of wine.

okies. bye xxx