Wow, I haven't written in this thing in forever. I was randomly bored last night and remembered I had this thing so I went back and read over some old entries. Wow, how things have changed. Me and that guy Mike are still together, it was a year this past Sunday. I am absolutley in love with Rutgers and had the best senior year imaginable. I ended up moving into a house with 7 amazing girls and had the time of my life. Tim has come and gone and we still talk but haven't seen eachother since November. In the beginning of the year he would randomly show up on my front porch and I almost went back to all of that, but for the first time I felt nothing. He called me last night and I didn't answer. I think we have both changed too much and I have grown up  A  LOT in the past couple of years. He no longer seems so appealing to me. Me and Chip don't talk at all anymore and like expected, I lost all those friends. He's now dating another girl from Sparta and she will not allow him to talk to me. He came to my grandmother's funeral in September and that is the last time I have spoken to or seen him. I was happy he came and it just reminded me of what a great guy he was, but he also told me that he "sort of" hated me that same day. So since then, I'm over it. I still think about it from time to time and sometimes too much, but it really was the best desicion I could have made. We weren't right for each other, but I know he is one of the great loves of my life. I am still living in New Brunswick for the summer and trying to figure out what the hell I want to do for the rest of my life. I have been contemplating whether to start graduate school in January over on the east coast or get a job, or move to California with Emmy just for the hell of it. I've been thinking a lot about the future later and I am just really confused. I never thought growing up would be this scary. I'm so worried all the time that I'm going to make wrong desicions or I'm going to disappoint my parents, that I never really think about what I want. Me and Mike aren't very good. He loves me more than chip or Tim ever loved me, but unfortunatley I do not feel the same. He would liiterally die for me, I have never had anyone be so in love with me. I've tried and I've tried but I just can't seem to feel the same way. It scares me that no one will never love me like that again, but I think I'm only hurting him and myself by staying. I tried 2 weeks ago to break up with him but he ended up writing me this letter and crying so hard that I was suckered back in. I find myself in the same position as with Chip, I am no longer in love yet I can't find the courage to get out of the relationship. I no longer feel like writing, write soon though.