a box of condoms.  Funny story.

I'm at Meijer last night to clear my head from school.

So I figured I needed to buy some things.  Well, the young kid in me went into the toy section and I saw a few things that I was like, "HOLY CRAP!  I like that!  I'm going to get it."  And then I saw other things that I was like, "You know, this is considered one of those rare toys.  I think I could get a lot for it on Ebay or at a Comic Shop."  So I have three toys in my hand walking around.

I also felt the need to pick up some facial cleansers (being in law school leaves you looking like you're going through puberty again) and well, some "medical devices," as what the self scan at Meijer calls them.

Excpect here's the thing.  I didn't grab a basket, which I should have.  So I have three toys in my hands, a cucumber peel mask bottle, a container of stridex pads and last but not least, a box of condoms for the "just in case" moments in my life.

And you see, like any huge store, Meijer has two entrances - one on the left and one on the right.  I parked at the one on the right thinking, "Well, everything I want is over here."  Unfortunately, I didn't realize that they closed all the self scans on the one at the right.

And it just so happened that every mom and her child decided they needed to go to Meijer at 10:30 at night.

What appears to be a simple 100 foot walk from one end to the other stretched out to be five miles.  Here I am, juggling everything in my hands, hoping that nothing falls so that I have to set down everything in front of these little kids.  The walk goes by very slowly.  I try to hide the obvious box that shouts "TROJAN CONDOMS!" on them.  Not too mention (not trying to brag or anything) there the ones that make it obvious that you need...let's just say a condom that doesn't cut off the circulation lol.

So what seems like five hours, I finally make it to the self scan and drop everything on the counter.  Damn, toys are expensive.  Those little shits cost me close to thirty bucks!  (I do enjoy them though...so who knows if I end up selling them).  So my bill comes up close to fifty dollars and I use the credit card to pay.  This isn't the end of the story though.

Of course, if you ever buy anything at Meijer for over ten dollars, you get an automatic coupon.  Usually it's something like, "Get $1.00 off!" and then a black and white photo of paper towels or baby food or some other product you didn't buy.  What do I get?

I get the only coupon that ever comes in color.  Of a bright red box that screams DUREX on it.  ARE YOU SERIOUS?!  Out of every product that I bought (hell, I bought three toys, wouldn't that have been sufficient for a coupon?), I get the condom coupon.  And not just a black and white small font one.  Everything is in gargantuan letters.  And it tells me just come in grab that little three pack of sensational pleasure whatever and it's on Meijer.  Literally, the coupon pretty much said, "Hey, this one's on us pal."  Now normally I would just throw it away or shove it in my pocket.  But of course, Murhpy's law plays its role and a guy just happens to be standing near me and I know he sees it.  I just bust out laughing because I can't control myself.  I'm just trying to imagine myself walking into Meijer and asking where I can get a three pack of free condoms.  "Yeah, so ummm...where can I find these three packs at?  All I know is you have the 6 packs and the twelve packs."

So moral of the story?  On a Wednesday night, when Meijer is restocking all its stuff, don't decide to buy toys (something that you know children are going to look at in your hands) and condoms in the same purchase, all the meanwhile parking on the wrong side of the store so you have to walk back and forth.  And make sure you look at your coupons on your own time.  Not when you stand in line debating if you should throw it away or not.  (I kept it btw)

Things are going well with the new girlfriend, but that will be an entry for a later time.