I think it only far to warn you that my mind is scattered. I keep thinking i am not living to my potential. I mean i know what some would say and i don't care. But, i mean i think i need to travel and breath new air. I only feel alive when i feel unpredictable. I feel dull like an old mother when i do the normal things. I hate to clean but someone has to keep the cobwebs away. I used to love music and it feels like it has no flavor. And taste is dulled. I'm unhappy with my body even. I told T that i wanted to exchange my breast. I'm just tired of the same thing. I want to change skin with someone for a day. I want to peel it off like old cloths and borrow someone else's. Then, again i'm a lady and the time has some to live like one. Damn nature. So, perhaps i'm being like me and getting bored cause my body won't let me just live.  I want to cry everytime i sit down just cause i think it might be nice. Then, agian the things i want to cry about mean nothing to nobody not even me. i know i can't control evrything. I just feel frustated by the world. Like it is sitting on my shoulder's right this moment. I just want to drop it. i also want to break everything so maybe i can fix it. i feel like the cracks are seeping again. I am not unhappy so don't get that. I love T and my life. i just think there is more out there. Something that i'm not seeing. I stop meditating. I think that is part of the proublem. I am not filtering my emtions somewhere. They are just running wild.

T's birthday is tomorrow. !!!!!