What makes secrets secret? The obvious answer is not telling anyone about them, but then there are exceptions. For instance you can be secretly gay, but your lovers and select friends might know about it. You'd still consider it a secret, though. And you can keep secrets from particular people, like parents or lovers or teachers or employers, while everyone else knows them. And then there are secret tips for weight loss that Oprah's diet consultants know, and that, really a lot of other people know, too. Arbitrarily, even. Why are they considered secrets, then? What make a secret a secret?

Everyone has some secrets, even people who are very open. How many of yours can you think of offhand? Note: I don't want you to tell me what they are, just how many you have.

People tell me their secrets a lot. I mean a lot a lot. I attract confessions from random people all the time. I've been told about incest and molestation and rape and sexual identity crises and infidelity more times than I can count. And that's just a sampling of the sex secrets. I'm not sure why this is. One person told me she thought it might be because I don't seem very judgmental. Another said he felt that since I was so reserved and discreet he felt he could be sure I wouldn't tell other people. To be sure, I am reserved in an odd way. I can be very gregarious, but I am usually not terribly forthcoming about things that are important to me emotionally, and I struggle with social anxiety in a big way. Even if you wouldn't think it from your first impression of me in person. What I wonder, though, is does being reserved automatically mean that one is also secretive? I can't tell.

Most people have secrets from the past that have since lost their shameful or embarrassing factors enough that telling them now seems harmless (e.g. I peed on the floor of my bedroom when I was four and swore to my mother that the ants did it). Can you think of any of your own? Would you tell me one?

Some people think keeping secrets is a virtue, while others think it is dishonest. What do you think?

Are there secrets that you really believe you will never tell anyone? Do you wish you could to get them off your chest?

Do you have any secrets that are secret because you love them so much? Private moments of joy that you revel in keeping to yourself? If so, would you ever share them with others in the right circumstances? What would it take?

How reserved are you about your sexual desires? Do you consider your personal fantasies secrets? Is there a point you will be open to, but not beyond? If you are reserved about it, is it because you are ashamed or embarrassed or for some other reason? What might the other reason(s) be?

Do people tell you secrets often? Do you wish they would? Do you wish they wouldn't?

Do you think you know some secrets that others think you don't? How does it feel?

Do you think I am secretive?

Would you feel comfortable telling me secrets?

Are you good at keeping secrets?

I'll give more of my personal answers to these questions in a day or two, but first I'd love to hear what you say without the looming shadow of my influence hanging over you.

Today's Moment in Something Else I've Had on My Mind: Kitties in boxes. That is all.