Most wonderful Fruit Cake recipe ever, really!

Ingredients:
1 cup water
1 cup sugar
1 cup brown sugar
1 cup lemon juice
1 cup nuts
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp salt
4 large eggs
2 cups dried fruit
1 bottle of your favorite whiskey

Directions: Sample the whiskey to check for quality. Take a large bowl. Check the whiskey again to be sure it is of the highest quality. Pour 1 level cup and drink. Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer, beat 1 cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add 1 tsp sugar and beat again. Make sure the whiskey is still okay. Cry another tup. Turn off the mixerer. Break two legs and add to the bowl and chuck in the dup of cried fruit. Mix on the turnerer. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the whiskey to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift 2 cups of salt. Or something. Who cares. Check the whiskey. Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add on table. Spoon. Of sugar or something. Whatever you can find. Grease the oven. Turn the cake tin to 350 gedrees. Don't forget to beat off the turner. Throw the bowl out the window. Check the whiskey again. Bo to ged. Who the leck hikes druitcake anyway?

(author unknown)