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DH had worked as a contractor for a mega oil/gas company for the last three years, but at the end of last year he’d been offered a permanent position. With that came a new schedule – 4 ten hour days and a 3 day weekend. Because we love hanging out together and travelling, I too wanted that schedule. But then Boy lost his job last November in LA, one of the hardest hit cities in the US when it comes to high unemployment, foreclosed homes, and the state economy in shambles, and so it seemed best for me to stay the course at the bank until Boy found a new job.
Then last month Boy and I both found new jobs. He now works in the golf industry (a great joy in his life) and I am working with people in the healthcare industry. AND with my new job, came new hours to match DH’s. Woot!
Three day weekends are the bomb—a play day, a chore day, and a day to R & R or plenty of time to travel. So yesterday DH and I golfed. It was a perfect 72 degree weather day, and we were surrounded by the changing fall colors, and not another soul around us at our resort golf course in the high country. It felt like our own private golf course. Today DH is weatherizing our mountain home, while I’m taking care of our low land home and hanging with Max the wonder dog. We see the creep of the myopathy on his mobility, and hope that he can continue for another year as his vital organs are that of a healthy dog, and his mind is so sharp. Love that dang dog!
My mother who I adore, she’s a pal and a mom, is in a relationship with a man neither DH nor I respect. He’s a freeloader. A parasite. The only redeeming quality is that he’s passive aggressive, so that tells you how little we think of this man. My mom’s mind is configured in such a way as to be persuaded by the “shinny things”. She has very fine tastes, a bit pompous at times, but generous and good hearted. This guy is handsome, and as my mom likes to say, “Cleans up nice”. Meaning he knows how to dress. She has and continues to make all kinds of excuses for his behavior. DH and I see right thru him. Here’s the thing, I’ve taken my concerns about him to the mat with mom. No holding back, straight away and calling out his behavior on several different occasions.
Her response, “You have no idea what it means to be my age and find a compatible mate – most men in their 70’s have tons of baggage or they are stuck in some life struggle. And bonehead and I have so much in common, and we enjoy each other’s company…blah, blah, blah.”
“OK, but what about his lies? What about the fact that he never pays for anything? What about the fact that he stole money from his mother who was in a care facility for 6 mos? What about the way he has treated his children? His sister and her husband? What about when he threatened to commit suicide when you asked him to move out? You, yourself called out all these concerns?”
Her response, “I wish I’d never told you about all that!” Oh good lord.
So now when she brings him up in our conversations, I say nothing. DH and I are hoping that she doesn’t completely regret allowing this man into her life. And even more so, if he takes her to the cleaners that will be harder for her to overcome than a love lost.
You know, I really do not enjoy being my mother’s mother.
And I told DH, when the time comes, we are getting out of here together. DH and I have been together since I was 15 years old. I have no interest in other men (not to say a looker doesn’t catch my eye) or attempting to “work out” a new relationship, but I also think going it alone, should that situation present itself, would be preferable over a loser parasite. But then one never knows until one must walk in those shoes.
Well the day’s task list calls so onward.
Namaste~
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