"If dreams are like movies then memories are films about ghosts." ~ Counting Crows "Mrs. Potter's Lullaby"
I'm sorting through the last two boxes in my house. I've filled another 8 garbage bags, and another six bags to donate to Goodwill. I've estimated in this move that I've dumped at least 25 reams (25,000) sheets of paper. We don't have recycling, so it will help build the local garbage hill. I've found at least 25 three-ring binders of various sizes that were packed in boxes with other papers that were completely warped and bent presumably from the weight that sat on top of them in the boxes in the basement. I’m not sure if the humidity affected it as well, but I’ll have to find a better way to store and pack things in the future.
This move has taken a month in the making. Part of that was a lack of motivation. Part of it was trying to go through the boxes that were poorly packed from the last move and trying to organize and keep things together. It’s taken a lot of time. If I had help, I probably would have been much more efficient. However, I was on my own. My family is ten hours away and the friends who offered to help would have been more in the way than a help. I needed to do it on my own. I needed to be able to dump much of the clutter that’s been weighing me down. I needed to remove things from my life that are no longer important.
PALPABLE PRESERVED PRISMS OF MY PAST
I hold onto papers though. I cling to the memories of love letters, cards, and hand-written thoughts from so many people. Some got long letters in reply, some got emails, and some have hardly received much in reply. It’s a strange thing to feel such a roller coaster of emotion as I look through the past. I’m reaching out more lately. Writing more emails. Talking on the phone a little more. Sending more Facebook updates and messages. This career change I’m making is steeped in three stressful months, but I’m finally feeling back on top.
There are some things I have to work on improving about myself. I’ve spent the past several months identifying my strengths and challenges to better identify ways to improve them. Pushing to find out what I can improve about myself exposes me to some incredible strengths and surprising weaknesses. It’s amazing to see a lifetime of growth through the writings I have. I have boxes and boxes of notebooks, poems, and short journals or story ideas.
This summer, it would be great to work on getting at least one of my projects published. I have a family project with ties to the Klondike Gold Rush that would likely be picked up by a university press. It’s something I should have been doing since it was a part of my Master’s thesis in 2007. Time passes and things fade away. However, I’ll be coming at it with greater wisdom and a more developed sense of who I am. I’d also like to write down the names of the VHS movies I own before giving them to Goodwill and keeping only the homemade movies. Based on how much is leaving my life including all my furniture, I would estimate I’ve dumped half my possessions, and I’m hoping to dump as many of the VHS and DVDs as possible. With high speed Internet and streaming Netflix, it is less important to own movies. I acquired a few hundreds movies on my own and through my Dad and they aren’t going with me.
My friends are allowing me to store boxes in their garage this summer. So I’ll be working on making more boxes disappear from my life. I also have hundreds of books, but I’m less willing to get rid of those despite finally making a leap to use the e-reader on my phone. Perhaps I’ll work on getting rid of some of the books that are less important to me. It feels good to be better organized. I’d like to write more, but I’d better get back to work. I need some hot breakfast first. I’m not cooking here, so I’m not sure where I’ll go to eat breakfast. Hmmm… maybe I’ll go across the street.