|A mix of surrealism & sarcasm|
I'm starting this entry off without a title. I'm not sure what all I want to say or how it will all come out but I do know that for awhile I've been sitting down thinking that my brain is clouded with so much that I need to sit down and just get it all out.
I've been reflecting a lot, I guess with the all that is coming up in our lives it is natural.
The one thing that I've been thinking a lot about lately is how I'm ready for another baby and now with this jump into the military, Neil wants to put it off for a few more years. I don't really have an issue with the fact that we're getting older it is more that I didn't want to be getting pregnant again after I was 30 and I didn't want such an age gap between Tyler and our next child. There is no convincing Neil though, when he is dead set against something there is no changing his mind. I understand his point but I don't think that either of us should get to decide everything for the other one.
I seem to be living my life through status updates that no one really cares about. I have over 200 friends on facebook, people I actually have known over the span of my life, and I have a handful (sometimes two)of people that respond to my statuses. Makes me wonder why I even keep these other people on my list. Maybe I abuse facebook. Maybe people aren't supposed to update as much as I do. I just know that the few people that do respond do like to know what I am up to with Tyler during the day as that is what they do as well. Perhaps I need to 'trim the fat' of my list and get rid of the people who don't actually have anything productive to say.
These are some of the reasons why I want to move away. I'm not sure what to say on here and what I need to sugar coat. I think that this diary is not accessible by said family members but I honestly don't know. I'll just put it out there anyway, my sister is so starved for attention that she will go about getting it anyway that she can. She lost about 70lbs or so and instead of being happy with her accomplishment she had to cap it off by running a half marathon and saying that she was running for her recently deceased best friend. However, the half marathon she ran was for HERSELF and not a run/walk for diabetes to which her best friend died because of complications from. Then, once she had reached her goal weight she decided to go in and half lyposuction and a tummy tuck done. Instead of gloating about that though, she wants us all to be quiet and not tell my Grandparents or any of her friends. It's fine that she wants to look her best but she will repeat things on facebook until she gets the reaction she wanted. When we get in fights about things, mostly her stupid husband that I don't get along with, my parents tell me to be 'the bigger person' and apologize to her because they know how insane she is and unbelievably difficult to reason with. I'm just sick of having to do everything. I'm the younger sister, she should be doing the peace keeping more but it's me....all....the.....time. She tells people a story about when my Mom told her that she was pregnant with me that she cried and told them that she didn't want a little sister and when she is completing the story....SHE LAUGHS!!! It hurts my feelings so much to know that I was this unwanted by her.
I think we've spent too much time relying on other people in our lives and it's about time that we just get down to being a family of three and enjoying time together. Neil will be leaving at the end of next month and I'm a little anxious and nervous about it all but I'm so excited for him. He's got 9wks of basic training and then Tyler and I are going to fly up to Fort Sill to see him graduate and then he will have his advanced individual training for a further 6wks. We are going to miss him but it's going to be so worth it in the end! I know that we're eager to find out our first duty station. We've got a lot of wishes but we're not sure where we're going to end up. Wherever the Army sends us!! We're guaranteed our first duty station for a year but it depends on how long the wait list is for housing if Tyler and I will follow Neil there. Some of the housing has ranged from 30 days to 18 months. We're interested in living on post because Tyler and I would like to be close to where all of the action will be happening.
Wow. I better end this for now. I've had a lot on my mind and this just touches on it. Maybe I'll have time another time to sit down and write more. Thanks for reading if you made it to this point (and read everything in between)!!