This is the philosiphy I have lived by for years. You can't get hurt if you don't rely on people. You can't get hurt if you expect to be treated badly. You can't get hurt if you weren't expecting something better.
Today I dropped this standard, just for a moment. My 18th birthday is in two days. I really wanted my best friends to be with me. I wanted "the group" to go and hang out, just be together. hah, I didn't even picture it in celebration of me or my birthday. Just good fellowship with people you love. Forget about the gathering being about some "one"--I wanted it to be about all of us spending time together. This is the only thing I really wanted for my birthday. Eight people, going out and having a good time. It was cut down to six, and that was fine. Then one after another it has been cut down to four. Me, my ex-boyfriend *(best friend), his sister Monica, and her boy-friend (a friend of mine i introduced to her) are who is going to be there. I love each and every one of them, but I don't believe that without the influence of Justin or Holly or Adam and Shyanne that it would be the evening I want...I don't think they would enjoy it, and I would want desperately for them to--making me sad. I just....man I feel so disappointed, ya know? I haven't felt this genuinely let down in so long...*shrugs* I mean, I guess it isn't that big of a deal. I'm the one who told them nevermind and all...and Adam and Shyanne are spending the night. They'll be hear about 12:30 tonight. I bet Aaron comes over to spend time with Adam *(his best friend who has moved like 5 hours away). Casey may come. It's just...I just feel let down, that's all. And this way Monica can't come, and I'd really like for her to be with us. I know she is going to feel left out.
All well. Back to expecting nothing.