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Well, I did it... Yesterday was really the final straw for me. Rich just pushed it way too far. It was my first day of work, and he showed up. I told him to leave, but instead he wandered around the store for 45 minutes. He didn't even like, look at things, he just wandered and stared into space. He stayed until close and then finally left when the store was closed. Then he waited by my car for me to come out. Apparently he thought I would get out sooner. Closing has a sort of connotation that means I stay until AFTER the store is closed. Maybe he didn't understand that. Anyway...it pushed me too far. I can't stand his insecurity. I can't stand his dependence. I can't stand him always having to be in my face. He's insane. As Danielle and my mom said, he thinks he has to be the number one priority in my life, and when that's threatened, he goes into psycho mode. I don't know why I gave in so many times before, but not anymore. It's over... So last night I told him that I wanted to "take a break" and he was like all mad and of course got mad at me and told me that I have no heart. Maybe me saying, "i'm following my heart" doesn't register. Anyway. He was all like "please don't tell me I've lost you forever" and "please don't let this be the end" and well, I was blunt and told him that it most likely is. I don't want to give him hope, but it's so hard to just end it with him. He's difficult. So yea, It's over, and I've started to realize who my real friends are. I've realized who has made the effort to stick around and I've realized who I wanted to be close with and pushed away because of Rich. Danielle and I have reconnected lately. I feel so much more whole when we're connected. When I know what she's doing, where she's at in her life. She's so my soulmate because there's no other explanation for it. James has been really great lately too. I told him the other day that I think he'll be the only friend in our group that I keep in touch with when we all go to college and stuff. But anyway, gotta go...later
it's so hard to do and so easy to say
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