Well, it has been a long time since I have written on this, so let me get into this really big update.
All right so the rest of the summer was pretty rough. I had the car break down, and him talking about going into the air force. It really bothered me, but I didn't want to hold him back.Then I didn't even get to spend 4th of July with him. That was rather not fun. Then Clay left for basic training. That was good for him, and that he was engaged to Sarah. Then I didn't get to see fred until the end of the month, and the car was the biggest piece of shit quit working on me. My dad had to come up to columbia and got my car started and mess around with it. Then School started at ASU. I really don't like ASU. Well, anyway, I went and spent the day with Fred the week before his birthday since he was going to be working, but then he quite sonic. My dad's parents came down, and I lost respect for my grandmother. She was all about how I was faking Kenneth's death to get attention. What a bitch! Anyway, I got Fred a Flight lesson for his Birthday. He LOVED it!!! That is what I wanted for him. To enjoy his birthday and have something that no one else had ever given him. However, he didn't use it so now I think I might spend another $60 and get him another one.I don't know that for sure though. September he was suspose to come down and see me like he promised, but that didn't happen. Then october came... I went to carrollton had a good time out there. Then November... He came down for a weekend. It was really nice. Thanksgiving came and went and he was suppose to come, but once again I wasn't really suprised that he didn't make it. Then Finals came along and those were kicking my ass. I had a scare with fred... because his asshole of a father kicked him out. Then he got sick. I inivited him to come for Christmas, but he didn't want to come. I was hurt by that. Then I got into with him about some of this shit he said to me over my Thanksgiving break, so I brought it up. I cried a lot, but how are you suppose to react when your own boyfriend calls you a slut, and thinks you cheated on him. It wasn't a pleasant feeling. Then he tells me that we shouldn't rush into getting an apartment. I don't understand it. We have been talking about that since May. We have also been talking about around this time getting one. However, I think his feelings have changed for me. I mean the thing is, is I do love him. I still see myself marrying him, and being the mother of his children, but at the same time... I am starting to think maybe he doesn't feel as strongly as I do. I guess I want to see him more and put more effort into our realtionship. I want him so badly to be happy and be in love with me... but I guess maybe that saying is true you have to let them go and if they come back then it was meant to be. I don't want to loose him though.

Oh yeah Merry Christmas!