So it's been awhile, yet again. lol. But I just got the itch to write something:)

So summer is flying by, which kinda makes me sad. Haven't done a whole lot of fun things, but it's okay. Work and school is pretty much it. But there have been some exciting developments though.

For one...guess who is moving out of their house on the 27th of this month? Uhh, that would be me:) haha. Crazy! I'm scared out of my mind about it, but I'm also kinda excited to see how things go. I'm moving in w/ Megan, which is gonna be awesome in itself, cuz I love her to death, and it's gonna be a BLAST living with her:) I'm mainly doing it because I've heard everywhere that you get better financial aid if you're living on your own, and claim independent on your taxes...so it was time to make the leap. lol. I'll be at Eastern next fall, and will definitely need the financial aid. But I also did it because I've come to the conclusion that I'm way too attatched to my parents..lol. It's time for me to prove to myself that I can stand up somewhat on my own. I mean, I'm only 10 minutes away from home, and my parents are helping with rent and whatnot, so it's not like I won't see them. I can go home whenever I want, so...I guess it isn't that huge of a deal. But of course in my mind it is. I mean...they're all I've known thus far. I've just always had that safetly of them being right next to me, and knowing that if I need either of them, they are a room away. But apparently I need to come out of my comfort zone a little, and gain some independence. I think having my own place will help that:) Ahhhh, but I'm definitely freaked out! Not gonna lie. lol.

In other news, school is good...Wednesday is my last day of History, I have a B in it:) Taking Mr. Perkins was a grand idea. He's been a lot of fun. He makes everything sound like he's telling a story, and makes it so animated and interesting, that I don't have time to be bored. lol. I love classes like that:) I had a life changing experience in this class also, though. I met this guy Nathan the second week of class, and he cracked me up, lol. He was just super open and funny, and started talking to me out of nowhere..lol. He was super hot too, actually. So he and I hung out a little, and started getting to know each other as friends. Strangely I wasn't attracted to him in the "crush" way...he was too much of a rebel/bad boy for me. He rode a crotch rocket, drank entirely too much...the usual. lol. So to bring the story to a tragic end, he died 2 weeks ago out of nowhere. He was in a motorcyle accident. It wasn't his fault luckily, because I would've been really pissed at him if it had been...he'd driven home drunk on his bike on several occasions before, so it wouldn't have surprised me. I guess a lady was turning as he was going straight, and somehow didn't see him, and she hit him. He didn't suffer either...I guess he fell off and hit his head and from then on was braindead. He died 2 days later. 
   It's a weird situation, because it's not like I knew him for a super long time or anything...I had only known him for about a month, but he and I were starting to be friends, and I've never had a friend of mine pass away, so...it's just been an interesting process. I'm fine now, but when I first heard I was really shaken up. I think it was because I got all the news at once. I hadn't seen him for a week, he hadn't shown up to class either day, so I knew something was up, I just didn't know it would be anything like that. I'd called and texted him that friday, but he died the day before that. Then, something just randomly told me to check his facebook on that sunday, and it had all these messages saying 'RIP, you'll be missed' from all his friends....it was just nuts. But I've taken a lesson from it though. It's just taught me to make sure I'm living my life and doing what I want to do with it. Making sure not to let it all just pass me by, because you never know how long you've got. I mean...Nathan was only 21. He would be 22 next month! So young. So that just further motivated me to enjoy life, and just try to live it and be happy. Life's too short to waste it, and that's what Nathan would've wanted me to take from the situation:) I miss him, he was a lot of fun, but I guess everything happens for a reason.

    Which brings me to my next topic, boys. LOL. I'm freaking out at the moment, even though there isn't anything to freak out about as of yet. I've hung out with Matt a lot this summer. He's been to all my family bbq's, I went to his birthday bonfire this past saturday...and I feel like I've thrown him a lot of hints that I just might be interested...but I think he's just freakin clueless. lol. From what my friends are saying, I might just have to come out and let him know I'm interested. Not make some crazy speech, but just a subtle way of letting him know. Me, subtle? Hilarious. lol. I don't know quite how or when I'm going to do it, but it will be before the summer's over. I mean...I need to know what I'm supposed to do. If he isn't interested, I don't wanna just sit here liking him, I'd like to move on if that's the case. Of course it will hurt, but I should be used to that feeling by now, with my track record. lol. And then if by some slight chance in this lifetime he is on the same page as I am, we'll see what happens.

  I just...I'm slowly but surely starting to feel like that girl again. The same girl I was back in high school when I liked this guy, and it took me 3 freaking years to finally get all the way over him. I just sat there, feeling so empty, and wanting him to notice me...god, it was such a complicated situation. I was just left sitting on the sidelines, wishing, and having this sinking feeling that no one I fall for will ever fall back. I'm scared of becoming that girl again. I knew when I started liking Matt that it was a possibility that he may not feel the same way, and I've accepted that it could happen. I'm just...sick of it happening. I'm sick of it never going my way. And really, it's not like I'm confessing my undying love to him or something...lol. I'm just interested in seeing if things may or may not go in that direction. Things wouldn't really need to change much, I would just let him know that I'd like to continue getting to know him better as friends, and as...possibly more? Oh, I don't know. How do you even go about asking that without sounding like a jackass? Jeez. I just hate this feeling. It's almost like I'm striking myself out before I even ask, but I can't help it! I'm so used to it happening that way, that I...figure I'll save him the trouble, I guess. Ugggh...whatev. I just don't know. We'll see what happens with that. I have waaaaay too much going on, man. lol.

Hopefully this was a good update. It was freakin long enough..lol.

Loves:)

~*Jay*~