The time has come discard some old baggage. Today(being new years day) was one of silent battle. I sat in my room in the dark the entire time. Fighting an old war. Most of you dont know this, but im slightly schizophrenic (ask my doctor). They aren't full-fledged identities but are discernable in my head. As far i can tell there are 3 kyles- Nice and artistic Kyle, Egocentric and Prideful Kyle, and then theres the one i dont want to give a name to or associate with my name. Nice Kyle is the real me, the one that comes through in my writings and my truly close relationships. Egotistic Kyle is my social personality. Self-Centered and unkind. Refuses to show fear or remorse, and any form of weakness. It needs to be known that this creation is the lesser of two evils, and was created by my subconcious to keep my third personality at bay, or keeping people away from being hurt by it. Its a voice in my head that just kind of appeared in late middle school. It called for destruciton. Pain. Death. Of all i surveyed it wanted. It whispered these things and i'd say no. If i in some way got over angered by something, that side of my personality would awaken in my physical being. It was bloodlust. If i ended up in a fight, i couldnt feel pain and was unrelenting. Eventually, I lost the first love of my life due to my crazed aggresion. So to keep this side locked away, i created the aspect of my personality thats egotistical which was a levee for my rage, a firewall if you will. But today ive realized, especially from last nights party, where a lot of my friends and i were drinking and the truth poured out as freely as the booze, that the time has come to discard my ego for temperance. Refining my personality is my resolution for the new year if you will. The fire of my rage is unquenchable, nor do i wish it to be quenced. It is a nessesary passion from which i feed my art, especially my music and my poetry (Read entry "The Warrior"). This will take exceptional patience on my behalf and my friends. I dont want to shrowd myself any longer. Its only brought pain and despair. And i dont want to lose Julie to it.