|Lucidity & Acceptance|
Today (yes it's already the 26 of August in my time zone) I'm turning 30. I can't believe just how fast this has come to pass.
Never thought that I would see all these things happen, never thought I'd witness the end of the Western world, never thought I'd look like this, that I'd be doing this.
30 years ago, I was born in Chile to a Chilean mother and an unknown Asian father. I was adopted by two French people who were barren and desperate for a child. Got luckier than I could ever have been to have been raised and nurtured by loving parents with a highly intelligent and cultured father and a dignified and sweet mother.
Grew up as an only child and passed the happiest times of my life in their company, with our pets in a large house in the countryside where I could spend so many time wandering the forest with my dog.
Had a kinda regular school life, being a rather withdrawn and shy pupil, albeit cruel towards his playmates. Inexplicably popular with girls when I was in high school, despite being sometimes the object of bullying. Never realized just how popular I was before late in adulthood. Many missed opportunities out of innocence.
Knew the damages alcohol and tobacco could do by seeing my father's disgrace and constant fight with alcoholism until his untimely death. Lost everything and became almost homeless, having to relinquish everything we had, me and my mother. Had to hold out for my mother who was in high emotional needs and me not very eager to give the closeness she needed and still needs from me despite having found herself a new man. Never stopped her from having affairs with other men, and encouraged her not to remain alone due to her inability to endure solitude.
Got my first kiss from a man back when I was 4, during a trip to Tunisia, an adult Black guy. Never told it to anyone back in the days, never told my parents or relatives. Had my first sexual experience with another man, an older White man, a friend of the family when I was 14.
Fell in love with a girl all the same at upon graduating high school. Lost her to her parents and her religion. She was a pastor's daughter and it was just impossible.
Made my first REALLY close friends in college, during my first experience at REAL friendship with my lesbians friends. We still are close to this day.
Moved to Paris and commenced a new life made mostly of survival and trying to find my true purpose in life. Failed college due to uneasy home circumstances and other familial problems, added to a lack of real motivation. Remained unemployed a full year, wandering the city at night, meeting strangers and making some friendships that didn't last mostly due to my tendency to always tell truths about my friends to people who have no business knowing it, something I have only realized recently.
Went through many phases of conscience and realization, eventually beginning to know more about politics and engaging in higher learning again, eventually graduating a two years diploma.
Went back to Chile for the first time at 25, met my family and my biological mother, getting to know the missing link in my life and becoming more mature and more serene, loosing the hysterical part of me as many people noticed at the time. Got closer to my adoptive mother due to this.
Became more and more reclusive due to a growing intolerance of stupidity.
Now 30 years old and considering to enter a company completely different from what I usually do so I can definitely cut with the hospitality industry.
Such a short lifetime and many things happened. Yet I may never see my 40th birthday if WWIII does happen. I'm still childless and unmarried and eventually accepted that maybe I wasn't so different from other people and that maybe my life didn't mean as much as I originally thought. After all, I'm just a random person among 7 billions. Are we all really that important?
I decided to simply be the best that I can be and do all I can to feel happy about my life, despite all the mistakes that I've made and that I can't take back. Time to grow up again and leave a part of me behind, the same way I did when I turned 20.