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::sigh:: I'm so tired of being tired and sick, and angry....I've been so angry about alot of things, bc so much shit annoys the fucking hell outta me.
My school-- Yes, I'm back in school. And, I'm still going to AI, they've opened one up here in Indyfuckingana, it opened October 4, 2005, classes started Jan 9, 2006, and their offical opening was just a couple of days ago. I only have one class...since this is a new school, they only have a certain number of classes available, and I've taken all of them when I was in Chicago.....all but one. Introduction to Video. And I'm kinda struggling in that class.
Ya see, when I was in Chicago, school was my number one priority. Number one. Nothing but school [well, other things, but you know what I mean] Here in Indiana, I'm trying to shove pack school into my already busy-hectic schedule. I think right now....work is number one. For good reason, I mean, I have to work to pay the bills, to practically live. And that's why I'm going to school; so I don't have to work at this shitty job of mine for the rest of my god-damned life!! I think that's why I'm going to stay working at St. Francis, to remind myself WHY I need to stay in school.
Why I need to do what it takes to get that fucking degree. Even if it means taking a million dollars out in loans -hey, I'm talented enough, I'm skilled enough...I can get me a good job to pay it all back. Plus, I'll have a job that I'll love--I mean, I like my job as a hostess. I do love it, I have freedom, it challenges me, I get a shitload of excerise....I just can't fucking stand all that fucking bullshit [I was going to go to work wearing my knee-high combat boots, and upon the question "Why are you wearing those?" my reply was to be, "To wade through all the bullshit here." But I decided against that idea, since those boots would make my feet bleed] But my job in the medical field AND foodservice field, my skills and talents are fallling by the wayside. And while I am content with the job, I am not happy.
I want to be happy.
My art makes me happy--to express myself through my work. To express words that I cannot say through images, pictures, film, computer....Whatever the means....[[A possible side thought that I haven't dwelled much on is the idea that I cause this descruction to myself, to give myself sadness and depression, to have something to work with to express through art....["I'm only happy when it rains....I'm running high on this great depression" -Garbage]]] I had to learn this cold, hard truth when I had no man who could MAKE me happy, because I wasn't happy. I was unhappy with everything because I had withdrawn from the one thing I could ever love....
Art. Animation.
So I said, 'fuck you too' and left behind the 2 men and searched for the happiness I wanted, something I prayed to God about. In short, I came to this school, and I love it. Techincal difficulites piss me off [its like they can mess up and falter, but the students can't] and time contraints are most bothersome....Oh, most bothersome.
But, all I can do is bear with it. ^_^
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I feel the same way... content with my job, but not happy... Only, my love isn't with art and pics.. it's with words. Writing, poetry, anything with words... though I'm not in school, I believe I know at least a little bit of how you feel. I do have 2 kids (4 if you include Dragon and Fer!! lol). You get the point, though! Take care! [dragonslayer]
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1/29/2006 10:01:19 PM
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Something that encouraged me was knowing that people had done what I had on my plate and more. Maybe, just maybe, although not at work but in personal, time management may be an issue. (I say that b/c maybe that was a way for someone to tell you. Someone can point out something wrongly but be right in another way. To explain, they recognize that something is amiss, but aren't sure what...) CON'T [AloneAngel]
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2/5/2006 8:15:05 AM
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Just think... you work at least 40 hours a week, plus several hours commuting. (It sucks; I'm there. But I'd rather be there than where I was.) You have four hours of classes. You've done the right thing by taking off all Fridays for classes, and I think you are right by St. Francis being a motivation to push ya. What do you do after class? Do you chill out for an hour or two and then do your hw? [AloneAngel]
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2/5/2006 8:17:33 AM
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(CON'T) Just dedicate Friday as your "art day" every week. Yes, sounds easier than it will be to get everyone to understand. Or... treat it like a work week. 4 hrs class, lunch hour break, then 4 hours of hw, etceteras. If nothing else, your friends respect art.
Well, there's some ideas to try and see if things don't look up. Not even about time but just focusing and centering an aspect of life. [AloneAngel]
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2/5/2006 8:22:11 AM
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CON'T
Your at a stage of life I really tried to protect you from... I don't think you really understand exactly where I came from b/c I know you are headstrong and have a tendancy to act on impulse. But now that you are here I'll tell you that it was a difficult period. But you can get through it. (CONTINUE) [AloneAngel]
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2/5/2006 8:24:23 AM
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I do have to suggest giving God one more chance. In my life, the further I got away from God the harder things were. Things aren't perfect, nor are they suppose to be. You've got to have a few problems or you'll take the wonderful things in life for granted. Just like if all of your days are great, then after a while great is normal and you don't have bad days to offset happy things to appreciate. [AloneAngel]
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2/5/2006 8:26:11 AM
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(CON'T) But just more advise that you can't stop your older and (hopefully) wiser sister from sharing... If it's any consolation, I was in school full-time and working part-time. I did live closer and had a short commute, although the early days when I had to ride the bus and then walk a block to work are probably comparable to your commute now. But it could still be hard. ESPECIALLY during (CONT) [AloneAngel]
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2/5/2006 8:28:38 AM
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-that accursed Student Teaching. Ohmigosh, I thought I was going to die... I woke up, spent 10 hours at the school where I would eat a sandwich that usually was all my food for the day, go to work- taking a few minutes to cry- then come home, work on my portfolio/lessons/etc then crash. Repeat for 15 weeks. The latter half add a psycho to the mix and you have a very long tormentous semester. CONT [AloneAngel]
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2/5/2006 8:31:06 AM
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17As for us, our eyes as yet failed for our vain help: in our watching we have watched for a nation that could not save us.
18They hunt our steps, that we cannot go in our streets: our end is near, our days are fulfilled; for our end is come.
19Our persecutors are swifter than the eagles of the heaven: they pursued us upon the mountains, they laid wait for us in the wilderness. [AloneAngel]
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2/5/2006 8:34:56 AM
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20The breath of our nostrils, the anointed of the LORD, was taken in their pits, of whom we said, Under his shadow we shall live among the heathen.
21Rejoice and be glad, O daughter of Edom, that dwellest in the land of Uz; the cup also shall pass through unto thee: thou shalt be drunken, and shalt make thyself naked. [AloneAngel]
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2/5/2006 8:35:33 AM
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22The punishment of thine iniquity is accomplished, O daughter of Zion; he will no more carry thee away into captivity: he will visit thine iniquity, O daughter of Edom; he will discover thy sins. (Lamentations 4)
...I was actually looking for something different, but that was kinda close. Bascially it says, "This, too, shall pass."
Just try it. I support you always, one way or the other... [AloneAngel]
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2/5/2006 8:38:06 AM
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(CONTINUE) All you have to do is ask. I mean, you're the middle child for a reason. That means that you get to watch the first two screw up to learn from their mistakes and then get to be all smart and wise to the younger two by how cool you are. So that makes me a Guinea Pig, and Guinea Pigs don't read books, but there are a lot of things guinea pigs CAN do. Like see, hear, smell, and sniff sniff [AloneAngel]
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2/5/2006 8:41:16 AM
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-sniff!!
Oh yeah... neither have I heard that version Indiana, but nor does it make sense or is very creative. =( [AloneAngel]
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2/5/2006 8:42:29 AM
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