[[I fell in love again/all things go, all things go/drove to Chicago/all things know, all things know/we sold our clothes to the state/I don't mind, I don't mind/I made a lot of mistakes in my mind, in my mind./I drove to New York in a van, with my friend. We slept in parking lots/I don't mind, I don't mind/I was in love with the place in my mind, in my mind/I made a lot of mistakes in my mind, in my mind. You came to take us/all things go, all things go/to recreate us/all things grow, all things grow/we had our mindset/all things know, all things know/you had to find it/all things go, all things go./If I was crying in the van, with my friend, it was for freedom from myself and from the land. I made a lot of mistakes.]]
[['Chicago', by Sufjan Stevens]]
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[[Well, they had an argument. Not an argument, after all. I was told that my brother snapped and started yelling at my mother. And he told her, amongst other things, that she kept ruining our lives. That means my father's life, my brother's life, and my own life. I wasn't even there when it happened. But my father, he was there, and he did not even blink. Maybe he should have said something. Something like you should respect your mother. But my father just does not do that kind of things. My mother then told me that she could not keep living like this. And then she said I'm sorry but... but... I... And she didn't add anything else. And I was too frightened to even ask her what was she going to do. The other day, she went out and told me she was going to church. She left. A few hours passed and it was dinnertime, and my mother was not home. I called her, just to find out she had left her cell phone at home. I hear it ring in her room and I almost fainted. I am sure all the blood in my head disappeared in that moment. I tried to calm down but I pictured her jumping off a bridge. This city has a few nice bridges. The fall wound't kill one person right now but the water is freezing cold. I knew my mother couldn't live if she did that. I pictured her trying to get run over by a car. I also pictured her just leaving this place and never coming back to us. And then I remembered all the mistakes we made with her. And I pictured her at home, alone, swallowing all her sleeping pills at once. Then cutting her veins in the bath. Then jumping off the balcony. And there was a minute in which I actually believed that my mother had killed herself. There was a moment in which I had assumed that she was already dead, somewhere. And I stood in front of the hall, struggling to keep my knees from bending. And I felt as if I was not myself; as if I was inside a golden bubble watching it all from above. Watching the poor little girl whose mother killed herself. I pictured myself being hugged by hundreds of people, dressed in black. I pictured my father dying soon after that. I wanted to die too. But it was a strange desire, it was as if it wasn't mine. But still, it was. By 10.35 p.m I was trying my best not to pull out all the hairs in my head. And then the belldoor rang. And my mother was there, standing calmly under the yellow light of the hall. And I think I had never been so grateful in my whole life.]]
[[pictures from the film 'Babel' by Alejandro González Iñárritu. Actress: Rinko Kikuchi]]
[[Maria]]
