what did you find that could leave you walking by?
I just wanna be good enough. But something's missing, I'm not enough on my own. It doesn't really surprise me, I wrote about it less than a month ago....
I am never good enough. I may be good, but I am never good enough. I will never be good enough. I will never be what anyone wants, even if I try on new roles.
I just can't win.
Look right through me. I'm not special. I'm not even real.
Please. Please stay away from me.
1/30/2006, 2 am-ish
Because, in her words, when she had him in her life, even when she went through some bad depressions, she never wanted to hurt herself. But me...yeah she cares about me and is really glad we're together, I see that...but I also see that...I'm not good enough to make her not want to hurt herself.
I can never be him, I know that. I can never make her get over him, I know that too. Maybe that's why I do as much as I do...why I go over the top for her. I wanna be good enough, but at the same time, I know I'm just...not. I told her last night that I never feel good enough...I didn't tell her what I meant it about, but she kept telling me that....she thought I was "too good" for her, that she didn't deserve me....
....but no one likes to be reminded cuz it still hurts the same. But it's okay, I'm used to hurting. I always want the truth...never cared much if it was gonna hurt.
and i try to keep myself awake...
and there's a pain in my stomach from another sleepless binge
and i struggled to get myself up again
i wanna hang onto something
that won't break away or fall apart
like the pieces of my heart
and globes and maps are all around me now
i wanna feel you breathe me...
globes and maps they charter your way back home
do you wanna leave or somethin?
Sometimes, you just wish things weren't what they are.
for someone like me to be
i'm running out of clock
and that ain't a shock
some things never do change
never do change