I decided to message Edgar, I thought I'd see how he was doing. It didn't go well. I asked him how he was, and he told me he was pondering the meaning of life. Really? I covered the meaning of life ages ago. I get that he's younger, but I'm nowhere near that stage of my life. Furthermore, he told me what he thinks the meaning of life is, and it's not a good answer, lemme tell ya. He told me that the meaning of life is that another person's meaning of life is inconsequential... thus rendering life purposeless. When I remarked that I found his conclusion depressing, he continued, "Only then can we really be in control." I immediately started laughing and said, "Control is an even bigger illusion than the meaning of life!"
He told me to fuck off. Then asked why people can't have a normal discussion of ideas anymore.
Ironically, I've made that complaint many times throughout my life, and I think I finally have an answer for that. People don't discuss their ideas because those discussions are divisive. I don't want to hear what some 19 year old kid has to say about life. Chances are what he will say will sound just as stupid as what Edgar said in that exact moment.
So I told him to stop talking.
The meaning of life I've got figured out. It's the meaning of now I can't ever seem to figure out.
I went out the other night with Aubrey because I've decided that I can handle one crazy chick more than I can handle a whole group of alcoholic men. I drunkenly entered some singing competition and won 3rd place accidentally. But that's not the point, I was sitting in a corner with her, and there was this really attractive man sitting next to me. I say "man" to make sure that we distinguish him from the youngsters I seem to be recently associated with... which I find ironic because for the first five years of my dating life, I dated people who were 5-10 years older than I was... now I've gone in the other direction. Ugh...
I was talking to him, his name was Jake. As I sat there talking to him, it suddenly occurred to me, I don't know how to flirt with people... At least, not proper flirting. I know how to be slutty, but not flirty. I was thinking about Matt's ability to maintain all these hook-up friendships, and while I always tell myself "well, that's cuz he's in Australia" (to be honest, I don't know what that means, but it's been my excuse), the real reason is because I am unable to maintain idle conversation.
Everything I say must be packed with meaning, otherwise I hold my tongue.
Jake abruptly turned away from me and hardly paid any attention to me for the rest of the night. What escapes me? I seriously can't figure it out. Maybe I'm not wired for that kind of thing... Hmm... These are questions I cannot answer.
Oh, and since I know someone is going to ask what the meaning of life is, I'll just say this... think about it long enough, objectively, and you should be able to figure it out... or come up with a conclusion that it doesn't matter, which answers the question just the same.