I just wrote this whole entry about Jason and everything, and it got erased. That sucks. I so needed to say everything that I said, too, and now it's gone. Maybe it's a sign. That I was never supposed to say the things that I said. It's better this way. I don't need to be reminded how much I miss him.

I have forgotten why I want to lose weight. I just can't get there. Last week, when I was sick, I got down to 109 pounds. That is the lowest I have ever been, and I was hardly excited. I don't know what's going on with me. I think the Prozac is actually doing what it is supposed to be doing. It doesn't kill my appetite anymore like it used to, maybe that wore off. I think it's actually mellowing me out. But that's bad, too, because I don't hate myself really anymore. I don't feel anything about myself. But how am I supposed to stay motivated to lose weight if I don't hate myself? That's a tough question.