So my support system, my gay soul mate, has clinical depression

He was supposed to be here tonight, spend the weekend with us, hang out with me in the hospital while I wait, be the first person I see when I wake up

His  meds are all messed up so he canceled on me

I didn't think I was that bothered by it all, I have a Plan B in place

It's just not the same, and that's why I am sitting here in tears, because it just hit me that I am going to be alone through most of it

I have a really hard time asking for help, or taking someone up on it when they offer it to me

As I sit at my desk plowing through the work that I have left before I am gone for 2 weeks, I am suddenly really sad

I help so many people and yet I don't accept that help for myself

I really thought after my surgery last year that I would be different but that is a hard row to hoe I guess

To be sure, I am hoping that I don't lose my shit tomorrow, I have my phone with my e-books, so I should be able to distract myself for a little bit

I really need to talk with someone about this stuff, I can't be sitting here bursting into tears for no apparent reason