|Into a paper cup|
More than a year later, and here I am again. Retreating from reality. Writing. Realizing that I never stop to write when things are going well. I'm far too busy enjoying myself, living in that moment, for that moment. As if it existed because I would experience it. But it never fails -- when things start heading south, I hermit. I piece fragmented thoughts, as though they belonged, together, to gather myself, or what little there remains of me. To make me whole, somehow, again.
In the past year, I visited Puerto Rico, bought my first car, graduated from university with two degrees, moved to Texas, and then moved to South Korea, where I presently teach English to 1000 middle school students. I've been living in Korea for 2 months. And it's been amazing, challenging everyday, yes, but amazing nonetheless.
I guess the reason why I find myself retreating at the present moment is because, for what other reason than, a boy. My boyfriend, of 8 months, and I just broke up about a week ago. And, it's finally crashing into me. And not being able to speak the langauge just adds to the whole feeling of isolation. Although I suppose you could say that actively hermiting also adds to the feeling of isolation.
Generally speaking, I'm happy here. I just thought I'd be happier. Korea is a place I've always wanted to visit, to do, to experience, to live. And now that I'm here, it's surreal -- I'm back in the country that I was born in 22 years ago. I'm working with students who have never experienced or heard of 'Halloween' before. It's strange thinking that I could easily have been one of them, so accustomed to the bitterness of Kimchi, to having corn as a side dish at McDonalds or ring of sweet potato on my pizza from Pizza Hut, to having and wearing inside and outside shoes, to using metal chopsticks and a spoon at all meals, to speaking the most scientific language in the world. This Korean lifestyle could easily have been mine. But it's not, least not anymore.
Maybe what I'm waiting for is having the opportunity to visit Holt Children's Services, the adoption agency I came through....I just read on their website that in the past 3 years, only 28% of searches for birth parents were successful. Woah. Too heavy for tonight....