Well last night I sorta hit an emotional relationship rock-bottom.  A good friend of mine (the one responsible for us being together) was talking to him about the sign up process... blah blah blah.... needless to say... the boy told her that he didn't sign up yet.... but that he intends on it.... still.  I don't kno why... but I was just weepy and felt betrayed.... and then from there... my feelings just sorta started mounting about other things.... why we don't talk.... why he doesn't do stuff with me... why he's not taking an interest in what I do or want to do... this and that.... and I was just an emotional wreck.  He asked if he could call me, but I turned down the offer.  I don't want him to just call just when I'm upset.... and lately....(using the term loosely cuz the last time we talked was the week before his last time home... so almost a month ago) that's the only reason why he calls.  He says he just isn't a phone talker.... and I guess I'm trying to understand that... but... it's just like "come on!  Suck it up!!  Just talk to me on the phone for 5-10 minutes... and the rest online."  I mean... I've been dealing with some of these issues for a while..... and yet, because he can't hear any disheartened voice inflection... he really had no clue.  Needless to say, ths brought about a lengthy conversation... not really focusing on why I was really upset, but it did help in the realm of the issues that still are issues with me, that we did cover.  The "BIG" issue that we spent (and have spent) countless hours talking about is him re-enlisting.  While there are tremendous financial benefits.... there are also some terrible emotional & physical downers... like DEATH.  And that's the thing that keeps me from being like "Yippee!! My boyfriend wants to re-enlist in the reserves!"  It just seems like he's crossed the railroad tracks when an on-coming train is headed his way... but for some reason or another... he's decided to go back over the tracks.  He's gotten across safely... but.... he wants to go at it again.  He could make it once more across the tracks..... but then again... he could not. He could be injured by the train... or he can be killed!  Why would anyone do that?  In that respect... I don't think anyone would... but none the less that's how I view Jeremy's decision about re-enlisting..... crossing train tracks.  I'm glad that we got to talk about it..... and in fact, I have reliquished my campaign against it.  I'm going to do some research to see what I can find him as far as scholarships... but... if I can't find anything good... then I will change my campaign strategy from "NO to re-enlistment" to "Support the love of my life."  And that's how I see it.  I believe that Jeremy would not intentionally make a bad decision... and if he didn't whole heartedly believe that this was the best opportunity for our future, then he wouldn't do it.  So.... it's gonna take some getting used to... and a lot of being brave... but I think I can... and will evenutally get over this fear... and realize that this is for the best. Ultimately, I know I need to trust God on this one.  Entrust Jeremy into His care and protection. Then... whatever should happen... will be for God's glory, and according to His ultimate will and plan.  Well the forensics class is calling my name.  I love that class!!  So, I'll be gone!