"the computer lies, it can't show my face... so impersonal"
sWeEtAdIcTioN16: i seriously think i felt a my heart break a little when i read "ITS OVER" lol </3
Ok, I give up. I can't take Xanga anymore. It's way to organized and structured for my hillbilly tastes. I miss open diary, too. I was told Xanga wasn't me. And that person was right. It's not me. I am a FOD-er! haha. And now my bestest friends (or just friends :p) can post. And I encourage you to post!!!! Post me! Post me!
I'm gonna post my other things that I wrote in xanga on here. Or maybe just the really good ones. Lemme go get it..... hold on a sec..... ah here we go....
So today has been a day of pure laziness in it's truest form. I would love to tell you that I was productive and efficient and taking care of my duties, but that would be lying and as hard as I try to hide the truth from people, I just can't today. That's the extremeness my laziness has arrived at. I'm so lazy that I don't even want to lie to you. I will sit here and tell you the truth about everything because my mind is so far gone that I can't think of a good story to tell you. So ask me all your questions, and I will tell you all my answers. Ask me who I love, and I will tell you the complete truth. Ask me whom I wish would kiss me, and I would tell you the complete truth. Ask me anything you want, because today is a day I will tell you everything. Laziness has made me an open book, too tired and scared to hide anything anymore. But I guess I am always this lazy because I don't really lie that much, as my dad likes to say. I omit the truth, and as cliche as that saying is, there is no better way to tell it. I don't like to tell everyone my deepest darkest secrets, because those are mine for the taking. I atleast have to hold onto something if I can't find myself. And don't act like you didn't know I wasn't telling y'all my heart and soul. I can't write, and that's the only outlet I have to let people in on this little place I call my world.I have nothing else to say anymore, nothing revolutionary, nothing moving. I no longer write that entry that is addicting, saying cute quotes like "OK, my heart says.OK" I don't have it in me anymore. Maybe it's the Xanga site? I do miss FOD because my friends who didn't have a site on Xanga could tell me if my entry was a hit or miss. I don't know anymore if I have the support that I used to. But then I think, why should it matter if anyone reads this? It's for me to write and get my thoughts in stone (or memory chips... I'm not a computer person, I don't know what the things are called) But I need reassurance sometimes. I need someone to tell me Hey Jill, your doing a great thing. I used to get it. Often, too. Maybe I miss my online friend Bob who would leave me notes on every single entry I would write. Xanga feels impersonal to me. And I don't like impersonal. Diaries are personal things, and this should be the most comfortable place for me to be. This is me. Well, it's supposed to be me. I've become what I never wanted to be- the girl who only writes superficial things in here. The girl who writes about her day to day activities and what she did, never writing emotion or mentioning feeling. I'm becoming the superficial chick who checks out the guys for fun and plays games with fire. The one who thinks nothing of a suitor, but loves a game of chase when I'm chasing. I'm getting comfortable with the idea that it's a senioritis overhaul. Not only has the senioritis taken over the area of my brain where my school work goes to, but it has spread like cancer and is now moving to where I care about my relationships with people, and to where I think about my life, and to where I function as an emotional human being. The only reason I look forward to coming to school is to see Seana and Kristen and to go to 5th hour. Newpaper sometimes, too. Maybe I'm just being a menstral case.
I can't wait to go see my brother. I miss him lots and lots
That's from St. Patty's day.