Its hard when you take that step from just liking someone to being so deeply in love with them that you can't see an end in sight. Its even harder knowing that person doesn't feel the same way about you. Its hard to fight for what you want.. but its even harder to fight and get nothing but a door slammed in your face in return. Its hard knowing that the right thing to do isn'g going to get you anywhere but you have to do it anyway just because you know its right. And its hard asking questions that you know you aren't going to like the answers to... or you're just plain not going to get any answers.
Distance... what is distance? Its a stretch of highway. But distance to two people who care for each other is only miles in between two hearts. Miles don't keep people apart. Miles wont turn a heart against love. Miles will keep you from seeing each other every day but it doesn't turn your feelings off. Distance is nothing. Distance is an excuse. I would know lol. I fought that for a really long time. Now my best friend is fighting it and I see the pain in her eyes and it breaks my heart.
I've only seen her cry one time before tonight and that was when her mother was very sick. She doesn't cry. She's a lot stronger then I will ever be. I cried during Bambi okay?! Sarah doesn't cry. When Gus died in Lonesome Dove I was inconsoleable... Sarah teared. Sarah laughed at me! But tonight.... tonight Sarah cried and I couldn't help her.
I'm going to give just a little bit of advice. Anyone who reads this can take it or leave it and never give it a second thought but at least think about it for a split second. ....
Time stops for no one. No one has the power to hit a pause button. Life doesn't give us pause, rewind, fast forward, and life doesn't give us an easy button either. Life is about choices that shape our lives day by day. I've made some dumb decisions that have screwed things over for me in the past but those days are done with and over. I can't do a damn thing to go back and change the things I've done/said/thought/wanted. There is no such thing as what might have been. The point is, it wasn't and it never will. Lately, I thought I made a dumb decision that I would regret, but as time goes on I'm starting to understand that I don't regret it and wouldn't do it over if I had the chance. There is a thin line between whats right or wrong and I'm starting to understand that line. At that moment I knew that was exactly where I was supposed to be and I'm going to stop making myself feel bad about it. I didn't do anything wrong. It was exactly where I was meant to be.
My advice is don't think that you have all the time in the world to make up your mind because you don't. Don't say "Oh, live life without regrets!" because thats crap. Everyone has things they regret. Don't make the important things, the things that could mean the most, be the biggest mistake you never made.
Someday you're going to look back on all the wasted time and wasted moments when you could of been happy but you just put up a front and used excuses and screwed yourself. I got some very good advice from one of my best friends in the entire world who I love very very much... he told me once that sometimes its right to let things go... but other times you have to fight for what you want and fight for what you think is right. And I fought and won my battle.
Now I just want to see Sarah fight and win.
"There are so many things I want to say to you but times caught up with me and now I'll never say them...except that I've loved you from the moment I saw you and every moment since."
So, I feel much better right now. I am not letting myself get down in the dumps about some things anymore. I know now that the thin line we all walk between wrong and right is defined by choices. We choose what we think is right and what we think is wrong. And I wasn't wrong. Everything does happen for a reason but there is no reason to regret something great, right?
Well, I'm going to go to my room and write a poem! lol yeah I'm a geek what can I say? To everyone out there-- Be safe, be good, and please please please... feel good about the decisions you make. Don't let anyone tell you that you're wrong when you feel that you're right... and don't hurt the people you love. In the end the people you lose are going to be the people that define you. --Ali