So last night I was on the internet and who Ims me? Take a guess. Eli. Yes. Eli. Okay so I'm fine, just talking to him, everythings okay, trying to stay focused on the conversation, not let my mind wander. Well he mentions he thought about calling me. I waver a little. Get a little teary eyed. Get okay again. I go get my phone to check and see if Jeffrey called cuz' I just thougut that he would and Eli mentioning a phone reminded me and I look at my phone and it says I have a text message. Eli had sent me a text two hours b4. What does it say you are wondering? "Can we be friends?".... I start bawling. Like immideiately. so then I was like okay I just got ur text and he was like geesh finally. So I think its gonna blow over. Wrong. He was like I know things will never be the same but I miss the friend I had in ur and all this stuff and i mean I started bawling my little eyes out. He didn't know that though. I just told him I needed time to think about it and yada yada nad told him I'd give him an answer sometime... I dunno...

I'm being pushed and pulled in all sorts of directions. I love him. I know I do. If I didn't I wouldn't be sitting here right now writing about this. I have every right to tell him to peace out, practice safe sex go screw yourself, yada yada. I have every right... but I can't. I wont. I want to be his friend. Gawsh I miss him so much it hurts. I just miss the sound of his frreaking voice.... but I can't go back in time. I mean...were we ever really just friends anyway? Was he ever a good friend? A part of me thinks i'm just not good enough of a person to just be his friend and smile about it and be okay when he doesnt even know what he did wrong or he doesn't care!!!! I'm bawling again ugh I gotta quit this. I'ma go peace-Alison Elaine