Sorry I haven't updated for a while, but you know how things get. Things have been pretty hectic at the moment what with starting university. Yep, I'm up in Edinburgh now, over 600 miles away from home. I will tonight sit down and write a general entry about all of it and the kinda things I've been upto. But until then there is something pretty major that I've got to put in here. Its a confessional email to one of my best friends and its better to put it in as it is, rather than to rewrite it. Its pretty much the whole story, minus all the minute conversational details. Well, you'll see what I mean....

Hey Sweetie

I know I was supposed to be writing a letter, but its going to take toooo long to write and plus there are some stuff thats happened pretty recently that I need to tell you. Well to be honest, it started back in July, but things have only just gone wrong now. Clair, Sarah, Joe and Rhyd all sort of know about it and very much disaprove which is probably why I haven't told you the truth up until now. I wasn't sure exactly how you would react or if you would totally disown me as a friend as I'm sure some of the others were close to doing.

Jason, the 30 year old I was seeing, has a girlfriend. A girlfriend that hes been going out with for over 5 years now. I didn't know at first he didn't tell me until results night during the most appropriate of songs, 'scandalous'. When he first told me I didn't really mind, I mean she was all the way over in Telford which is miles away and they were hardly close plus there was the whole me going away to Edinburgh. We were going to break off contact then. But we never did, in fact if anything we spoke even more we had at least two, two hour conversations a night at the weekends and we texted constantly. We were even making plans for him to come up and visit me at some point. However, I got a phone call from his girlfriend on Monday, she found his phonebill and we had a very long conversation where I pretty much told her the truth. I mean what else could I tell her, I had no idea what he'd told her and I couldn't just put the phone down on her like that.

Things seem to be pretty much over between me and Jason now and it doesn't seem to be because she found out, but more because I told her the truth. I've phoned him twice since it all happened and he's really upset with me and just wants to leave it. Thing is I really don't want to, I really miss him now. I miss our conversations and joking about over the phone and I miss the days and nights out we had together. It seems stupid I know, and if Clair knew she'd have a fit at me now but I really do like him. What makes things even worse now though is that I'm going out with a guy up here and all I can do is think about Jason. I honestly don't know what I'm going to do with myself. Its not as thought me and him were actually properly going out, whenever I asked him what we were he was always just 'we're whatever you want us to be'. Plus I know he lied to me quite a bit, but I still like him and miss him. I really wish we hadn't been found out and that there was someway I could change it all, but there isn't anyway and I know that. I just wish it didn't hurt.

I'm so sorry I didn't tell you this before but I just didn't know how to tell you.

Missing you loads

Andrea