I don't think I explained myself very well with the whole Coty situation and how impossible it really feels being in it. Alicia asked me on a note in my last entry what my plan was moving forward. She also posed a series of questions that I'd like to address:
"so what is the plan? to stop sleeping with him?"
Answer: I actually like sleeping with him. It's probably been the hottest sex I've ever had and I really don't want it to stop if I don't have to.
"to stop having him in your life at all?"
Answer: The problem is I work with him... Fairly closely. As in we're the only two people running the front desk at work sometimes. I can't just stop... I've tried to get over him, but seeing him at least once a week brings those feelings back. I've tried to forget him and move on to something that looks like it has a future, but I haven't found anyone I click with or desire as much as him. I'm just afraid one of us will get hurt when the other one moves on. No escaping it unless we decide to be a couple... And no being a couple until one of us gets a different job aaaaand maybe not even then if he's not ready. It's frustrating.
"to flirt with other guys in front of him?"
Answer: I wish I had the balls to do this. I just think that would turn him off, not make him jealous. He's a weird kinda guy and even I haven't figured him out yet.
So what is the plan? I kinda hate to say it but enjoy the time and company that him and I share. Enjoy the sex while it lasts and hope that there is a future for us sometime.
I know he's scared of commitment now but we aren't together so I can't get mad when he does whatever he wants to do. Hell I've been on dates and out with guys during this whole mess and he can't say shit to me about it either!
I'm actually glad we're not together now. My heart wants it but my brain knows it would cause problems for me at work and socially because I've been hiding it from everyone I know. I also can tell he isn't ready so I like getting to know him over this long period of time. It's a little stressful, but I just ended a relationship. Being technically single might not be the worst thing for me.