after what seems like one of the longest, darkest, snowiest, rain-filled depressing as hell winters....  the windows are open again... and kids squeel with happiness and ride new bikes that have been garaged since christmas...  and something inside of me settles in for the spring that i've dreamt of... for sunlight that extends way way past 4:30p....   and while it may be premature, for today i physically felt the depression lift...  i felt joy walking in the woods and seeing buds pop on the trees that for so long have just been twigs against the gray sky....   and i thought to myself, i remember just a couple months ago when i was trying to talk myself into those twigs being beautiful...  but today, i know that the new growth wins...

the mud is pretty severe... the rains of last week linger... but not when you look up... and it's something i'm going to concentrate on doing.... looking up...  letting the sun hit my face...  trying not to get so wrapped up in all the judgements that i've been spending so much time on....  i'm going to be in charge of me...  i'm going to hold only myself responsible and accountable for living up to standards that i choose....  and others... well... they are going to have to be in charge of themselves... 

my plane ticket is confirmed and i look forward to time with my family.... end of may...

my boy is still working far away, but i'm going to buck up and leave my dogs and go for a long weekend.... and they will be sad... but shit... they can't have it thier way every single minute of everyday...

i'm off to my new friend a couple doors down...  we are going to eat and head to town for a beer... and then perhaps home to walk the pups... cause we are open longer... summer hours so to speak...  and i have so much to be thankful for and i'm hopeful i don't keep losing sight of that....

boy the fresh air feels so good...