12:20 pm

I don't know why everything that happens to me has to be my fault.

Example: My roommates go out without saying goodbye. I get my feelings hurt. Understandable, right?

Apparently not. According to psychoanalysis, it's my responsibility to now recognize and accept that I am particularly vulnerable to feelings of abandonment and isolation, I'm particularly apt to get my feelings hurt in general in life since I was a kid, and therefore it's MY responsibility to recognize that it's MY inclination to get my feelings hurt and therefore I need to change the way I do things.

What is wrong with this picture?

I just talked to my roommate about things that happened almost a week ago. I told her I was hurt when they left without saying goodbye. She said that in one case, they actually DID say goodbye, but I apparently didn't hear, and said a snarky "bye" to them as they left. This made THEM feel not-so-good. So I apologized for that, because it was a miscommunication on both parts. And she apologized, and I apologized, and I said that I know I'm particularly sensitive to such things, and I apologized again. And again.

But now I've been hanging around crying for a half an hour because I feel like shit because it's MY problem that I get my feelings hurt. It's MY problem that I'm so susceptible to being crushed by the tiniest little thing. Like them not saying thanks for making cupcakes. Things like that can just destroy me.

Ugh. I am such an idiot. I should go lay in some mud somewhere and pretend I don't exist.

-Charlotte