i am alive, i promise.  life has been good, relatively speaking.  i mean, it's summer, right?  so why do i feel so bogged down?  i am ecstastic i've spent time with myself the past day or two.  my parents went up north but left me behind to clean up their irresponsibilities.  i have no problem with that really, although, I'll be sure to go about things differently when i'm older.  i have lost the battle.  the one i promised i would never, EVER ever succumb to.  but shit happens, right?  i've stretched my mind, my attitude, my everything  to fulfill something of the moment.  we'll see what happens when the smoke clears.  i feel terrible.  what else, what more do i need to say?  i am fixated in headlights and fading quickly with little remorse. and  the only remorse i feel is the kind that i force myself to have for being so removed for so long.

i am good, i am fine, i am swell... i really am.  germany is less than a month away.

i am only as removed as you are.  what else i am good for?  i know now.

i am alive, i promise.  i breath, i sleep and awake - i no longer drink, and barely thirst.  i crave fleeting thoughts of picking up and walking away, but i am so weak.  and even if i did, i would pick up where i left off because you do what you know.  but what do you know, what do you feel and say when every outlet put up a sign sayin' temporarily out of service.  i hate my insignificance to you.  but that's just the way it is.